How do we carry on?
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First time post....and I am so grateful to you all for the last year. I have visited this site multiple times every single day for the past year in order to cope.
The 'knock' came for my young person last year, possession of IIOC, all categories. Pleaded guilty in magistrates, crown court adjourned a few times but was sentenced last week. Suspended sentence and community service. We were relieved ...it was over! How wrong can you be? Within 2 hours of leaving court, the story was online and subsequently all over the local Facebook page. We live in a small community, where everyone knows everyone else. I work in a school in this community! I am supposed to return to work next week...but can't! We struggle to leave the house at the moment, let alone go into the local community!! Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you cope? Were you actually able to work back in the local community.... especially a school?
The 'knock' came for my young person last year, possession of IIOC, all categories. Pleaded guilty in magistrates, crown court adjourned a few times but was sentenced last week. Suspended sentence and community service. We were relieved ...it was over! How wrong can you be? Within 2 hours of leaving court, the story was online and subsequently all over the local Facebook page. We live in a small community, where everyone knows everyone else. I work in a school in this community! I am supposed to return to work next week...but can't! We struggle to leave the house at the moment, let alone go into the local community!! Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you cope? Were you actually able to work back in the local community.... especially a school?
Hi Broken - I just wanted to reach out and say that yes, there are others who post on here who have jobs in schools, also others who have been victims of the dreaded FB and newpaper reporting - I'm not either (might be the latter one day) but most who have been down that nasty road say that after a bit of time nobody bothers and people have moved on to the next 'scandal'. But I'll leave it for them to tell you, as I'm sure they will.
Sending a big hug and hopes that in a short while the worst of this will have passed and you will realise that you survived and have climbed one of the biggest emotional mountains and are still standing (albeit on wobbly legs just now)
Take care x
Sending a big hug and hopes that in a short while the worst of this will have passed and you will realise that you survived and have climbed one of the biggest emotional mountains and are still standing (albeit on wobbly legs just now)
Take care x
Thank you rainyday. I honestly don't know how we would have got through the last year without this forum. The legs are definitely very wobbly at the moment. Xx
Hi Broken, yes I've been in a similar position to you. My son's case was in the paper and on social media after both the magistrates court and sentencing. We also live in a very small community so everyone who knew us knew what my son had done.
As well as a suspended sentence my son was given 300 hours community work, which the judge said he'd given him to prevent him sitting at home. This really helped with my sons mental health and well-being as it forced him to leave the house, forced him to mix with others and helped him develop confidence.
I found it hard to go out into the community to start with but I can promise you that the more you do it the easier it gets. I felt awkward the first few times I came face to face with people I knew but this soon became easier. When people asked how I was I would sometimes say I was ok, at other times I might let them know that I wasn't, sometimes I wouldn't feel like talking and other times I would find myself opening up.
The more I pushed myself to leave the house the more I realised that whilst my son and his brokenness was consuming my thoughts it was actually of little interest to others. Yes he might have been the subject of gossip for little while but people soon move on to something else.
When I returned to work after a few weeks off no one mentioned what had happened and I chose to do the same. 11 months later I still don't talk about my story at work. I'm now working with a different group of people and have no idea if they know.
Some people choose to blank my son when they see him, including the person who was his best friend, and whilst thats hurtful it's something he's had to accept.
My suggestion is to start with going out for a walk. Once you've become comfortable with that gradually increase where you go. Things will become easier and before you know it you'll be leaving the house without giving it a second thought.
As well as a suspended sentence my son was given 300 hours community work, which the judge said he'd given him to prevent him sitting at home. This really helped with my sons mental health and well-being as it forced him to leave the house, forced him to mix with others and helped him develop confidence.
I found it hard to go out into the community to start with but I can promise you that the more you do it the easier it gets. I felt awkward the first few times I came face to face with people I knew but this soon became easier. When people asked how I was I would sometimes say I was ok, at other times I might let them know that I wasn't, sometimes I wouldn't feel like talking and other times I would find myself opening up.
The more I pushed myself to leave the house the more I realised that whilst my son and his brokenness was consuming my thoughts it was actually of little interest to others. Yes he might have been the subject of gossip for little while but people soon move on to something else.
When I returned to work after a few weeks off no one mentioned what had happened and I chose to do the same. 11 months later I still don't talk about my story at work. I'm now working with a different group of people and have no idea if they know.
Some people choose to blank my son when they see him, including the person who was his best friend, and whilst thats hurtful it's something he's had to accept.
My suggestion is to start with going out for a walk. Once you've become comfortable with that gradually increase where you go. Things will become easier and before you know it you'll be leaving the house without giving it a second thought.
I'm a social worker and had to inform my management team when the man I then lived with, was arrested and pleaded guilty, he's still waiting for crown court.
It was all over facebook and everyone in my local area, including my work colleagues, know about his arrest. One thing I can say is there has been no blame towards me, pity maybe, but not blame. As said person moved out, work didn't need to investigate me.
This too shall pass, it will.
It was all over facebook and everyone in my local area, including my work colleagues, know about his arrest. One thing I can say is there has been no blame towards me, pity maybe, but not blame. As said person moved out, work didn't need to investigate me.
This too shall pass, it will.
Thank you Ocean and Pooky for giving me hope. I don't know where I'd be without this forum. X
Hi, I know exactly how you feel. My ex was sentenced to 3 years in prison, IIOC, first offence. There wasn't a court reporter there on the day so I thought I'd gotten away with that. I went home to try to look after my 2 younger kids 2 adult kids. 6 weeks later, I had a call from the officer in charge to tell me I had 2 hours notice before my ex's case, mug shot, crimes, sentencing and the family address went across their social media and in the papers. It happened to be a half term so my poor kids had to go back to school with EVERYONE knowing! These kids knew my kids Dad too. They spat at my daughter, threw rocks at my son when they were walking home. It was horrific. The Police told me that they were putting the case out there because they fully expected persons to come forward saying they'd been abused in person by him. No one did. Xx
Also, my daughter was a medical student and had to tell her University. My brother was a community psychiatric nurse so he had to disclose too. X