No Contact Allowed
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Hi,
13 months since we had the knock. Both taken in for voluntary questioning and released pending investigation. Last month further voluntary questioning where husband admitted to downloading 10 images.
Husband released and awaiting action from police. No arrest as yet, no bail, no word from them since the admission.
SS involved and made clear no contact at all. Nearly 4 weeks on, SS have visited me and had an assessment on husband (he will have more of these in the future). SS still adamant on absolutely no contact. No phone calls, no supervised contact etc.
I wish to stay with my husband which I fear has made everything worse for us. SW seems incredibly negative and I can't seem to get across to her what can I do to allow my daughter (2yo) to see her father. He, as of yet, has not been charged with anything but is getting help by following the stop it now programmes, getting counselling and taking medication for his anxiety/depression.
It seems so unfair that I am having my life dictated to me through no fault of my own. It has been 4 weeks that my daughter has not seen her father who she adores and i have no time scales as to when even the slightest amount of access may even begin.
Anyone any advice? I don't seem to be able to do right for doing wrong
13 months since we had the knock. Both taken in for voluntary questioning and released pending investigation. Last month further voluntary questioning where husband admitted to downloading 10 images.
Husband released and awaiting action from police. No arrest as yet, no bail, no word from them since the admission.
SS involved and made clear no contact at all. Nearly 4 weeks on, SS have visited me and had an assessment on husband (he will have more of these in the future). SS still adamant on absolutely no contact. No phone calls, no supervised contact etc.
I wish to stay with my husband which I fear has made everything worse for us. SW seems incredibly negative and I can't seem to get across to her what can I do to allow my daughter (2yo) to see her father. He, as of yet, has not been charged with anything but is getting help by following the stop it now programmes, getting counselling and taking medication for his anxiety/depression.
It seems so unfair that I am having my life dictated to me through no fault of my own. It has been 4 weeks that my daughter has not seen her father who she adores and i have no time scales as to when even the slightest amount of access may even begin.
Anyone any advice? I don't seem to be able to do right for doing wrong
Hi,
It is such an awful situation and I feel for you and totally understand. My husband had no contact for almost 9 weeks. I have to admit I did complain about how long it was all taking. They will be doing an assessment which for some reason takes ages. My children are teenagers so to an extent can safeguard themselves but your child is quite young.
My husband is also pleading not guilty but I know in the eyes of Children's Services is irrelevant, they work on risk. I did push back hard and it did for a short while look like I had made things worse as I was accused of not taking the risk seriously etc etc.
Anyway we have gone from one extreme to the other and my husband has been allowed back home with pretty minimal restrictions.
It won't be easy for you as he has admitted to the downloading of images the main thing you have to do is to convince Children's Services that you can safeguard your child.
Cornish Tea
It is such an awful situation and I feel for you and totally understand. My husband had no contact for almost 9 weeks. I have to admit I did complain about how long it was all taking. They will be doing an assessment which for some reason takes ages. My children are teenagers so to an extent can safeguard themselves but your child is quite young.
My husband is also pleading not guilty but I know in the eyes of Children's Services is irrelevant, they work on risk. I did push back hard and it did for a short while look like I had made things worse as I was accused of not taking the risk seriously etc etc.
Anyway we have gone from one extreme to the other and my husband has been allowed back home with pretty minimal restrictions.
It won't be easy for you as he has admitted to the downloading of images the main thing you have to do is to convince Children's Services that you can safeguard your child.
Cornish Tea
Hi Piratey12
sorry to hear you are in this mess. The response by SS seems very harsh, but seems to be the experience of many people. As Cornish Tea has said, as your child is so young they may have extra concerns.
Be prespared for it all to make no sense - so having no contact at all seems pretty bonkers to me, but just go with it for a bit. Can you afford a family solicitor? They cost a lot but you could get some advice.
Are you writing up every phone call and meeting you have with SS? If not you need to start now as they will chop and change according to which SW you have.
some questions you may like to ask of your SW - 1) has what specific training has she/he received on men who access indecent images? 2) ask them to put in writing what evidence they are using to ban all contact between your husband and his child 3) what steps would need to be taken by everyone before this situation changed
is your child on a CP plan or a CIN plan?
sorry to hear you are in this mess. The response by SS seems very harsh, but seems to be the experience of many people. As Cornish Tea has said, as your child is so young they may have extra concerns.
Be prespared for it all to make no sense - so having no contact at all seems pretty bonkers to me, but just go with it for a bit. Can you afford a family solicitor? They cost a lot but you could get some advice.
Are you writing up every phone call and meeting you have with SS? If not you need to start now as they will chop and change according to which SW you have.
some questions you may like to ask of your SW - 1) has what specific training has she/he received on men who access indecent images? 2) ask them to put in writing what evidence they are using to ban all contact between your husband and his child 3) what steps would need to be taken by everyone before this situation changed
is your child on a CP plan or a CIN plan?
Thankyou for your support. I have asked for everything in writing from the SW but she seems reluctant to even do this. I will start writing down exactly what they say.
I have asked about why no contact and she says she knows the bare minimum from the police so is thinking the worst. She also says it is not good that I still want to be with him and that he lied to the police on the first voluntary interview.
I have asked what I can do to make her feel happy with even the smallest amount of contact and she seems very reluctant to let me do anything.
We are currently not on any type of plan until her investigation is complete (who knows when that will be!)
I have asked about why no contact and she says she knows the bare minimum from the police so is thinking the worst. She also says it is not good that I still want to be with him and that he lied to the police on the first voluntary interview.
I have asked what I can do to make her feel happy with even the smallest amount of contact and she seems very reluctant to let me do anything.
We are currently not on any type of plan until her investigation is complete (who knows when that will be!)
We are 9 months in and in the same boat, no contact, ss refuses to do any sort of assessment until this has all gone to court and is finished. My ex is still under investigation, it is completely maddening. My children have gone from happy and excitable to absolute shadows of their former selves with severe behavioural problems. It's so frustrating.
Sorry 11 months in!
Hi Piratey12 and Thistle
are either of you on mumsnet. Happy to share some of the stuff that I did and learned along the way, but probably best to do this privately so as not to identify any of us. Let me know. Happy to support x
are either of you on mumsnet. Happy to share some of the stuff that I did and learned along the way, but probably best to do this privately so as not to identify any of us. Let me know. Happy to support x
Big sigh, can I pick your brains re:SS too? I would really as appreciate it as I really feel they are doing more harm than good at the minute! My mumsnet is dkn19. Thanks!