Any advice?
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My soon to be ex husband was arrested July 2022, admitted guilt during police interview. It was slightly more than viewing on Kik- he was somehow involved in the admin- and therefore looking at a custodial. Our son was 17 at the time. Husband left the same day, and divorce is nearly finalised. August 2023 he was told NFA as they could find nothing on devices- which I know I should be extremely happy about for the effects it could have had on myself and my son. So why am I still feeling cross, angry, hopeless and that there is no point to anything?! After 30 years together I guess I am grieving the loss of what I thought I had and what my future should have looked like. I'm jealous of happy families and couples, fed up with facing future financial struggles, for something I feel wasn't of my doing! Done the inform course, still having counselling, on the antidepressants..... is there anybody who has ever " gotten over it?" and managed to be happy with their lot? I struggle to trust anybody these days so find myself isolating myself. From being quite a confident, outgoing, social person previously I find it easier to not to join in social gatherings in case after a glass of wine I let the secret out! I really can't see a way forward and it makes me so cross.
I don't know if you ever get over it, but you can learn to live with it.
This is a very isolating experience. The offence is one that we know many are black and white, and many are shades of grey - but no one wears those badges so we take a risk in disclosing.
We personally are moving forwards. We fought together for 3 years to make sure our future was a realistic potential and we are almost there.
For me, understanding WHY was a major part of wanting to work towards a positive future. Understanding why I think is key to moving forwards - whichever direction you choose to go.
I hope you find closure in time.
This is a very isolating experience. The offence is one that we know many are black and white, and many are shades of grey - but no one wears those badges so we take a risk in disclosing.
We personally are moving forwards. We fought together for 3 years to make sure our future was a realistic potential and we are almost there.
For me, understanding WHY was a major part of wanting to work towards a positive future. Understanding why I think is key to moving forwards - whichever direction you choose to go.
I hope you find closure in time.
and the grief is real. I suspect most have grieved the life they thought they were having and would have. You are definately not alone. But it doesnt make it better right?
The anger too is a real part of working through the process.
Trust is earned. You will hopefully trust again, but that might be a journey.
The anger too is a real part of working through the process.
Trust is earned. You will hopefully trust again, but that might be a journey.
Bea,
thanks so much for your reply, it's nice to know that the problem isn't me, and it's normal to feel this way. So pleased you have worked towards a positive future. I agree the "why" is paramount to understanding- the inform course was great at outlining the reasons- but I'll never get the bottom line from the ex as he's never been willing to talk about it with me ( and now we don't talk at all), so I don't think I'll ever understand how he was willing to risk it all- and therefore find it hard to forgive! I need to somehow find an acceptance within myself that this is where I am in life and not be frustrated with where I thought I'd be. Thanks again for your wise words.
thanks so much for your reply, it's nice to know that the problem isn't me, and it's normal to feel this way. So pleased you have worked towards a positive future. I agree the "why" is paramount to understanding- the inform course was great at outlining the reasons- but I'll never get the bottom line from the ex as he's never been willing to talk about it with me ( and now we don't talk at all), so I don't think I'll ever understand how he was willing to risk it all- and therefore find it hard to forgive! I need to somehow find an acceptance within myself that this is where I am in life and not be frustrated with where I thought I'd be. Thanks again for your wise words.
My timescales are very similar to yours. I will be divorcing him at some point. I ended our marriage just before he was sent to prison. Took me quite some to come to that decision though.
It did feel like grieving for quite some time. The loss of the future I thought I had. I now face a financially uncertain future. But I do know I am better off on my own. I do believe that if we had stayed together this shit show would never ever go away. At some point it would come back to bite me.
I no longer love him. I have a wonderful support network of friends who support me. I've ventured into new hobbies and volunteering. I've got a job I love and the best colleagues. Counselling has worked wonders and I'm off the anti depressants. Just waiting to get all my ducks in a row before selling this house and filing for divorce
Life is most definitely brighter - but different. I can now finally see some happiness on the horizon.
I'm most definitely not the same person. My counsellor keeps telling me I'm a strong person. Who knows - maybe I am.
Take each day as it comes and take care of yourself.
It did feel like grieving for quite some time. The loss of the future I thought I had. I now face a financially uncertain future. But I do know I am better off on my own. I do believe that if we had stayed together this shit show would never ever go away. At some point it would come back to bite me.
I no longer love him. I have a wonderful support network of friends who support me. I've ventured into new hobbies and volunteering. I've got a job I love and the best colleagues. Counselling has worked wonders and I'm off the anti depressants. Just waiting to get all my ducks in a row before selling this house and filing for divorce
Life is most definitely brighter - but different. I can now finally see some happiness on the horizon.
I'm most definitely not the same person. My counsellor keeps telling me I'm a strong person. Who knows - maybe I am.
Take each day as it comes and take care of yourself.