Struggling
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It's been a while since I posted but I'm struggling today, so thought I'd reach out to those who truly understand this nightmare. Its getting on towards a year since I found images on our PC and he was arrested.
I filed for divorce and our Conditional Order was granted yesterday and the email confirmation came through today. I actually feel really sad and upset reading where it says: "The judge held that the marriage solemnised on ** ***** 2007 at The Blacksmiths Shop, Gretna Hall, Gretna Green, UK between *** *** *** and *** *** *** has broken down irretrievably and has granted a conditional divorce order."
I wish I knew then what he was 17 years ago - a paedophile (I know we don't normally use that word here, but that is what he is - I found written evidence of him wanting to touch children, along with a lot of other evidence, and handed it to the police, resulting in an interim SRO), a narcissist, and a psychopath. I never would have married him and allowed him to waste so much of my life.
But I thought I was safe with him, I trusted him completely, he was everything, we had a great life together, a successful small business, and a secure future. But all of that has gone now.
I'm currently receiving EMDR treatment for PTSD because of what I've seen and read about his despicable activities that go back decades. My therapist says it's normal to grieve for the person and life and future that I've lost, even though he turned out to be a monster all along. It really does feel like a grieving process. But I'm having to hide my feelings all the time, as my family I'm living with don't really do emotions (it's a generation thing).
I've got to see him tomorrow to do with our house being for sale and I'm really NOT looking forward to it. I don't want to see him ever again let alone have to talk to him. The anger and sadness I'm feeling right now could tip me over the edge and I could easily see myself losing my temper or getting upset or both.
I just want this nightmare to be over so I can make some kind of attempt at starting again, but it's going to be hanging over me for many more months (or years) yet.
I filed for divorce and our Conditional Order was granted yesterday and the email confirmation came through today. I actually feel really sad and upset reading where it says: "The judge held that the marriage solemnised on ** ***** 2007 at The Blacksmiths Shop, Gretna Hall, Gretna Green, UK between *** *** *** and *** *** *** has broken down irretrievably and has granted a conditional divorce order."
I wish I knew then what he was 17 years ago - a paedophile (I know we don't normally use that word here, but that is what he is - I found written evidence of him wanting to touch children, along with a lot of other evidence, and handed it to the police, resulting in an interim SRO), a narcissist, and a psychopath. I never would have married him and allowed him to waste so much of my life.
But I thought I was safe with him, I trusted him completely, he was everything, we had a great life together, a successful small business, and a secure future. But all of that has gone now.
I'm currently receiving EMDR treatment for PTSD because of what I've seen and read about his despicable activities that go back decades. My therapist says it's normal to grieve for the person and life and future that I've lost, even though he turned out to be a monster all along. It really does feel like a grieving process. But I'm having to hide my feelings all the time, as my family I'm living with don't really do emotions (it's a generation thing).
I've got to see him tomorrow to do with our house being for sale and I'm really NOT looking forward to it. I don't want to see him ever again let alone have to talk to him. The anger and sadness I'm feeling right now could tip me over the edge and I could easily see myself losing my temper or getting upset or both.
I just want this nightmare to be over so I can make some kind of attempt at starting again, but it's going to be hanging over me for many more months (or years) yet.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I will be filing for divorce - just need to get all my ducks in a row first.
I'm finally seeing a future but there is a way to go yet.
There are good people out there who will help and support us.
Hope you get through tomorrow ok.
I will be filing for divorce - just need to get all my ducks in a row first.
I'm finally seeing a future but there is a way to go yet.
There are good people out there who will help and support us.
Hope you get through tomorrow ok.
Hi Lost, I'm sorry to know you're struggling, you've been through so much in such a short amount of time and have done so well to get to the place you're now in.
Your counsellor is right in that you will be grieving all the things you've lost and you need to allow yourself time to go through all those emotions. Grief has no time frame but in time you'll slowly start to feel better.
I hope today goes better than you thought and remember it's ok to feel all the feelings.
Your counsellor is right in that you will be grieving all the things you've lost and you need to allow yourself time to go through all those emotions. Grief has no time frame but in time you'll slowly start to feel better.
I hope today goes better than you thought and remember it's ok to feel all the feelings.
Hi Lost x
Sending you strength and hugs xx
I am so sorry you are struggling, you have had to deal with so much
No matter how tough things seem now you will be able you find a new journey that will bring the sunshine back in to your life x
Remember how amazingly strong you are even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment YOU are never forget that xx
Sending you strength and hugs xx
I am so sorry you are struggling, you have had to deal with so much
No matter how tough things seem now you will be able you find a new journey that will bring the sunshine back in to your life x
Remember how amazingly strong you are even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment YOU are never forget that xx
I hope today was not too bad for you. Sending hugs to you. X
Thanks for all your replies. The strength of this community is so important to all of us going through our various - all similar but all different - struggles.
I managed to deal with what needed doing at the house without having to look at him and I barely spoke to him. He's like a complete stranger, yet still so familiar.
It's so hard and confusing trying to deal with all the emotions from sadness to blind fury and everything in between but all any of us can do is take things one day at a time xx
I managed to deal with what needed doing at the house without having to look at him and I barely spoke to him. He's like a complete stranger, yet still so familiar.
It's so hard and confusing trying to deal with all the emotions from sadness to blind fury and everything in between but all any of us can do is take things one day at a time xx