I didn’t protect my son like I did my daughter
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That's it really I didn't protect him by teaching him about on line porn and the ease of which teen indecent images are available and he should be vigilant and report this if he is sent anything. My daughter i did try to protect from perditory males on line and in life. I feel so much pain. But we are where we are no going back. Does anyone relate?
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Umbrella x
Please dont blame yourself, we all look at ourselves to find something we did that caused our sons to end up here
There is nothing you could have done but you are here supporting your young adults and that is unconditional x
Hugs sent xx
Please dont blame yourself, we all look at ourselves to find something we did that caused our sons to end up here
There is nothing you could have done but you are here supporting your young adults and that is unconditional x
Hugs sent xx
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You're a wonderful parent. Nobody is perfect and lots of parents don't have the same insight as you. xx
Hi umbrella
This Is not your fault. You couldn't have known. We all have those "what if" and what could I have done thoughts. Hindsight it a powerful thing. As parents we all try to protect our children from known risks. As you've said yourself and a lot of us here will confirm, we didn't know how or that we needed to protect our sons until it was too late. More and more people are in our scenario than you could ever have imagined. Unfortunately from the number of posts from loved ones with young men and teens who have been investigated for this, it's obviously really prevalent and far too easy to access. I'm sure someone mentioned that at any one time you're only ever 3 clicks away from porn or illegal content on the internet. There is a lot of education to help our daughters avoid becoming victims but because it's so taboo nobody really educates young men about the dangers of the internet and how they too can be dragged into scenarios like yours. Every day there is something on the news about children being bullied or exposed to something harmful online and we all know teens and young adults are glued to technology.
You are not alone, we're all trying to do our best in an awful situation. Please ring the helpline if you need them. You are not to blame, you are a secondary victim. Families of offenders are traumatised and suffer due to the damage, secrecy, worry and the process of investigation.
This Is not your fault. You couldn't have known. We all have those "what if" and what could I have done thoughts. Hindsight it a powerful thing. As parents we all try to protect our children from known risks. As you've said yourself and a lot of us here will confirm, we didn't know how or that we needed to protect our sons until it was too late. More and more people are in our scenario than you could ever have imagined. Unfortunately from the number of posts from loved ones with young men and teens who have been investigated for this, it's obviously really prevalent and far too easy to access. I'm sure someone mentioned that at any one time you're only ever 3 clicks away from porn or illegal content on the internet. There is a lot of education to help our daughters avoid becoming victims but because it's so taboo nobody really educates young men about the dangers of the internet and how they too can be dragged into scenarios like yours. Every day there is something on the news about children being bullied or exposed to something harmful online and we all know teens and young adults are glued to technology.
You are not alone, we're all trying to do our best in an awful situation. Please ring the helpline if you need them. You are not to blame, you are a secondary victim. Families of offenders are traumatised and suffer due to the damage, secrecy, worry and the process of investigation.
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Yep I feel like I totally failed my son, about things I didn't even realise were a danger myself until his police case
Yes, I also spend my time wondering what I should have done differently and wishing I could go back and parent differently...
This forum and site is not for me so this is my last post. Thank you for the replies, I wish you also were not going through this. I don't feel safe on here being an open forum, where we don't know if there are predators posting as concerned mums. I do feel judged by the help line coz they take a must be guilty or won't have been charged view. Finally who is really supporting or dealing with the vulnerable young men who get caught in the porn internet mess and have no intention what so ever of viewing sexual images of children and never will but will have a criminal record that will haunt the rest of their lives? And where do the families of these men get support coz it isn't on this website. Maybe I will start my own when we are through the worst. Take care of yourselves you the children and young people caught up in this vile situation deserve care and kindness xxx
Dear Umbrella, and all forum users,
Firstly, we want to thank you for posting on the forum and for engaging in such an important conversation about the dangers on the internet for young people, and the risk of them being exposed to illegal material – whether this is intentional or not. We know, from our experience of working with young people and their families, that the impact of young people getting in to trouble online is devastating. In view of this, we were upset to hear that you have not felt supported by the forum or the helpline; we take our responsibility to all of the people that we provide a service to very seriously and so if there is ever an occasion where this level of support has not met expectation, then we would really like to know about it so that we can do something about it. You can contact the Stop it now helpline and speak to an advisor about this on 0808 1000 900, or you can contact us at the forum on: forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk
At LFF we have a team of Practitioners who work exclusively with children and young people who have got in to trouble online, and so if you are affected by the themes being discussed in this thread, please reach out to us via the helpline, where you can speak to one of our advisors about the services we provide. We also have the Shore website, which is aimed at young people who are worried about their sexual behaviour. Shore provides a safe space where children and young people can get advice and information on a range of issues, such as sex and the law, healthy sexual relationships, and how to prevent harm from happening to them or others. You can visit the Shore website here: https://shorespace.org.uk/
Another issue that we wanted to address was that of the forum being an open space. We appreciate that not all forum users feel comfortable with this, which is why we advise all users to be especially careful about the level of personal information they share. We have chosen to keep the forum open as we know through our research that this is the best way for us to reach out and provide support to as many people as we can. Many people who use the forum do so on a passive basis, and they benefit from reading the existing and new posts made by registered users without having to register themselves, which we know can be a barrier for people.
We take the safety of our forum users very seriously, which is why we have a stringent moderation process in place with all new registered users, closely monitor the posts on the forum and respond quickly to any concerns raised by forum users. We hope that this goes some way in offering reassurance regarding the safety measures in place on the forum. We do of course understand that the forum is not for everyone but we strive to make the forum a safe and supportive environment and are sorry to hear we have not been able to do this on this occasion. There are other organisations who provide support to those who have loved on who has offended online, and who may be able to help you at this time: Talking Forwards https://www.talkingforward.co.uk/ and Acts Fast https://www.actsfast.org.uk/.
If there is anything within this post that you would like to talk to us about in more detail, then please contact us on forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk
As always, thank you for being so supportive to one another.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Firstly, we want to thank you for posting on the forum and for engaging in such an important conversation about the dangers on the internet for young people, and the risk of them being exposed to illegal material – whether this is intentional or not. We know, from our experience of working with young people and their families, that the impact of young people getting in to trouble online is devastating. In view of this, we were upset to hear that you have not felt supported by the forum or the helpline; we take our responsibility to all of the people that we provide a service to very seriously and so if there is ever an occasion where this level of support has not met expectation, then we would really like to know about it so that we can do something about it. You can contact the Stop it now helpline and speak to an advisor about this on 0808 1000 900, or you can contact us at the forum on: forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk
At LFF we have a team of Practitioners who work exclusively with children and young people who have got in to trouble online, and so if you are affected by the themes being discussed in this thread, please reach out to us via the helpline, where you can speak to one of our advisors about the services we provide. We also have the Shore website, which is aimed at young people who are worried about their sexual behaviour. Shore provides a safe space where children and young people can get advice and information on a range of issues, such as sex and the law, healthy sexual relationships, and how to prevent harm from happening to them or others. You can visit the Shore website here: https://shorespace.org.uk/
Another issue that we wanted to address was that of the forum being an open space. We appreciate that not all forum users feel comfortable with this, which is why we advise all users to be especially careful about the level of personal information they share. We have chosen to keep the forum open as we know through our research that this is the best way for us to reach out and provide support to as many people as we can. Many people who use the forum do so on a passive basis, and they benefit from reading the existing and new posts made by registered users without having to register themselves, which we know can be a barrier for people.
We take the safety of our forum users very seriously, which is why we have a stringent moderation process in place with all new registered users, closely monitor the posts on the forum and respond quickly to any concerns raised by forum users. We hope that this goes some way in offering reassurance regarding the safety measures in place on the forum. We do of course understand that the forum is not for everyone but we strive to make the forum a safe and supportive environment and are sorry to hear we have not been able to do this on this occasion. There are other organisations who provide support to those who have loved on who has offended online, and who may be able to help you at this time: Talking Forwards https://www.talkingforward.co.uk/ and Acts Fast https://www.actsfast.org.uk/.
If there is anything within this post that you would like to talk to us about in more detail, then please contact us on forum@lucyfaithfull.org.uk
As always, thank you for being so supportive to one another.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Hi Umbrella if you are still reading, I totally get your perspective. All the ladies here have different perspectives because we are all on a different journey.
I do not condone child abuse at all, but I have stayed, took the stigma and the judgement because of what I know about my own journey.
My situation is very much something that could have been prevented all together, if my person wasn't on a popular social media app then this never would of happened to us. It could happen to anyone.
I kept seeing ads for stop it now, the ones where the man is on the computer and theres a knock at the door and the blue lights flashing and he looks guilty, of course this will be the situation for many people. But there are also so many men/teens getting tangled up in this mess becaus of unsolicited images being sent through links and group chats, no intent at all but they are being charged, convicted and placed on the register. Normal lives destroyed and families ripped apart and us women sitting here thinking what the F*** has just happened.
I emailed stop it now to say that these ads wont stand out to a lot of people.
All of these men have committed a crime. The press do not filter through them and the public treat them all the same.
My OH spoke to stop it now 2 or 3 times after the knock, they spoke to him like he needed help, he decided that it wasn't the correct place for him because of the way that the images entered his life was out of his control.
When sentenced he was not put on any courses and never looked to take part in any because he had never been led down a dark path in the first place.
The problem in the end was the press, they can write what they like and when you don't know someone you believe what is written unfortunately.
The fact that somebody is 3 clicks away from illegal content at any time while online is mad! This should be on an ad and playing on popular sites as the norm because this problem isn't lessening.
It's all n***e this p word that until it enters your life and you realise that it is not as black and white as an article makes out.
I do not condone child abuse at all, but I have stayed, took the stigma and the judgement because of what I know about my own journey.
My situation is very much something that could have been prevented all together, if my person wasn't on a popular social media app then this never would of happened to us. It could happen to anyone.
I kept seeing ads for stop it now, the ones where the man is on the computer and theres a knock at the door and the blue lights flashing and he looks guilty, of course this will be the situation for many people. But there are also so many men/teens getting tangled up in this mess becaus of unsolicited images being sent through links and group chats, no intent at all but they are being charged, convicted and placed on the register. Normal lives destroyed and families ripped apart and us women sitting here thinking what the F*** has just happened.
I emailed stop it now to say that these ads wont stand out to a lot of people.
All of these men have committed a crime. The press do not filter through them and the public treat them all the same.
My OH spoke to stop it now 2 or 3 times after the knock, they spoke to him like he needed help, he decided that it wasn't the correct place for him because of the way that the images entered his life was out of his control.
When sentenced he was not put on any courses and never looked to take part in any because he had never been led down a dark path in the first place.
The problem in the end was the press, they can write what they like and when you don't know someone you believe what is written unfortunately.
The fact that somebody is 3 clicks away from illegal content at any time while online is mad! This should be on an ad and playing on popular sites as the norm because this problem isn't lessening.
It's all n***e this p word that until it enters your life and you realise that it is not as black and white as an article makes out.
Umbrella, If you are still here, I'm a Mum and get you!! I wish I had seen what was going on, he was groomed as well. I wholeheartadly understand all you are saying.
I'm sorry you feel like that about the helpline, they were amazing with me and understood everything. I got alot of empathy from them and even called them the day of sentancing to give them an ending to our journey.
Education is needed and I hate to put it on schools, but they have a wider audience. I wish my son had heard, the "you could end up on the SOR and not all people online are what they seem to be". I thought I had, but not as hard hitting as in all honestly as clued up as I think I am, I didn't know this world, like I do now.
I'm not saying he didn't do wrong, he shared 3 images, and he should never of done that and he had some images on his phone. All of that is wrong. However he was a minor at the time and people took advantage of his vunrability (his autistic) and unfortunatly at his arrest he was 3 months over 18. I go from being angry that he got SHPO and SOR over his head, to well at least it was stopped then and he realised the world isn't a great place sometimes and not everyone is as honest as him.
We have done some anon work to spead the word, which has been very theraputic for us and LFF have helped us with this, being a barrier for us to protect us, but trying to educate others.
I also understand what you say about the forum, many a time I am careful what I have said privately as if my Son was groomed in a vulnrable situation, then so could I. What if they're preditors, media etc. but I also had to trust a little to get the support.
Their are some amazing Mums that I have met on here, they have supported me privately and I am so thankful of that, so please reach out if you need anything.
I'm sorry you feel like that about the helpline, they were amazing with me and understood everything. I got alot of empathy from them and even called them the day of sentancing to give them an ending to our journey.
Education is needed and I hate to put it on schools, but they have a wider audience. I wish my son had heard, the "you could end up on the SOR and not all people online are what they seem to be". I thought I had, but not as hard hitting as in all honestly as clued up as I think I am, I didn't know this world, like I do now.
I'm not saying he didn't do wrong, he shared 3 images, and he should never of done that and he had some images on his phone. All of that is wrong. However he was a minor at the time and people took advantage of his vunrability (his autistic) and unfortunatly at his arrest he was 3 months over 18. I go from being angry that he got SHPO and SOR over his head, to well at least it was stopped then and he realised the world isn't a great place sometimes and not everyone is as honest as him.
We have done some anon work to spead the word, which has been very theraputic for us and LFF have helped us with this, being a barrier for us to protect us, but trying to educate others.
I also understand what you say about the forum, many a time I am careful what I have said privately as if my Son was groomed in a vulnrable situation, then so could I. What if they're preditors, media etc. but I also had to trust a little to get the support.
Their are some amazing Mums that I have met on here, they have supported me privately and I am so thankful of that, so please reach out if you need anything.