A whole new world
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I thought I was pretty tech savvy, and that my 16 year old son was a happy, well-adjusted teenager, with no worries in the world....until the knock at the door.
My son, pretty quickly said 'I know what you're looking for' and handed them his phone. Its then that our world fell apart.
Over the course of the next few hours I learned that he had been essentially groomed on Omegle and migrated to KIK and MEGA from the age of 12. He thought he was learning how to meet girls and 'what girls like' before being shown and encouraged to share God knows what.
He is adamant that he has no interest in children, only in girls of his age or older, but that sometimes he would view things, not knowing what they were (I only have his word for this).
He says he was communicating with older women, who were asking for photos. I can only assume that these were not women at all, but men posing as women online.
The police were very calm and reassuring to be fair, that if what he says is true, the he is likely to be treated with some form of warning (as he's a minor and potential victim as well).
We are all terrified of what the outcome will be, and he thinks his life is ruined. It doesn't help that he is likely on the autistic spectrum, so his world view can easily be manipulated.
Is this a common chain of events? We have been told that the investigation could take 6-9 months before we hear anything and just signposted to some support groups. He has a therapy session booked in a couple of weeks, and I am doing my best as a father to understand and support him.
My son, pretty quickly said 'I know what you're looking for' and handed them his phone. Its then that our world fell apart.
Over the course of the next few hours I learned that he had been essentially groomed on Omegle and migrated to KIK and MEGA from the age of 12. He thought he was learning how to meet girls and 'what girls like' before being shown and encouraged to share God knows what.
He is adamant that he has no interest in children, only in girls of his age or older, but that sometimes he would view things, not knowing what they were (I only have his word for this).
He says he was communicating with older women, who were asking for photos. I can only assume that these were not women at all, but men posing as women online.
The police were very calm and reassuring to be fair, that if what he says is true, the he is likely to be treated with some form of warning (as he's a minor and potential victim as well).
We are all terrified of what the outcome will be, and he thinks his life is ruined. It doesn't help that he is likely on the autistic spectrum, so his world view can easily be manipulated.
Is this a common chain of events? We have been told that the investigation could take 6-9 months before we hear anything and just signposted to some support groups. He has a therapy session booked in a couple of weeks, and I am doing my best as a father to understand and support him.
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Thank for your reply. I'm relieved in some way that this was caught when they are still children themselves, and not adults...im preying to God they are treated differently.
My son only ever used KIK in recent times, and it appears that ANYTHING could be made available, without requesting it. I don't understand how an app that is meant for teenagers can be full of illegal content, it's an insane world that I'm struggling to make sense of right now.
My son only ever used KIK in recent times, and it appears that ANYTHING could be made available, without requesting it. I don't understand how an app that is meant for teenagers can be full of illegal content, it's an insane world that I'm struggling to make sense of right now.
My sons started on instagram and then moved on to telegram which I had never heard of!
Have you contacted the stop it now helpline and stopso? My son is going to do the stop it now course and he also has a stopso therapist. I have been told it is so much easier to help them the younger they are and also the re offending rate is very low for teens that offend online.
The problem is when they are only hearing from a group of people with extreme views they start thinking that way, he thought he was fitting in with them and understood about a problem he couldn't verbalise to anyone else. Makes me so sad :(
Have you contacted the stop it now helpline and stopso? My son is going to do the stop it now course and he also has a stopso therapist. I have been told it is so much easier to help them the younger they are and also the re offending rate is very low for teens that offend online.
The problem is when they are only hearing from a group of people with extreme views they start thinking that way, he thought he was fitting in with them and understood about a problem he couldn't verbalise to anyone else. Makes me so sad :(
Hi
I am sorry that you find yourself here. If you haven't already done so, it would be a good idea to ring Stop It Now for support for you and your son.
Your son may benefit a lot from doing the Young Person's Inform Course on a 'one to one basis' with a trained practitioner at Stop it Now.
The young person in our family was the same age as your son when they received the knock. They are on the autistic spectrum and they got caught up in this mess, very similar to how you describe your son with using KIK and MEGA. In hindsight we too felt some grooming had gone on.
From our experience I would be very wary on the police having your son's best interests at heart, this is what they want you to believe. I say this as the young person in our family (who had never previously done anything wrong at school, let alone get in trouble with the police) did actually go through the youth courts and end up with a conviction. We strongly felt as a family that it was not in the public's interest to prosecute but the CPS/police felt differently. Our experience taught us the police are only interested in getting convictions. I hope your experience for you and your son is different and he receives a caution and victim support.
I am thinking of you and your son.
I am sorry that you find yourself here. If you haven't already done so, it would be a good idea to ring Stop It Now for support for you and your son.
Your son may benefit a lot from doing the Young Person's Inform Course on a 'one to one basis' with a trained practitioner at Stop it Now.
The young person in our family was the same age as your son when they received the knock. They are on the autistic spectrum and they got caught up in this mess, very similar to how you describe your son with using KIK and MEGA. In hindsight we too felt some grooming had gone on.
From our experience I would be very wary on the police having your son's best interests at heart, this is what they want you to believe. I say this as the young person in our family (who had never previously done anything wrong at school, let alone get in trouble with the police) did actually go through the youth courts and end up with a conviction. We strongly felt as a family that it was not in the public's interest to prosecute but the CPS/police felt differently. Our experience taught us the police are only interested in getting convictions. I hope your experience for you and your son is different and he receives a caution and victim support.
I am thinking of you and your son.
Hello Worldsend
Following on from my previous post, you may find this case study interesting to read.
https://pure.strath.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/120954333/Allely_2020_CYCJ_ASD_and_viewing_indecent_images_of_
This study highlights some of the additional vulnerabilities someone on the autistic spectrum may have which leads them going down this path..... Just thought it may help you and your son in some way, maybe?
Take care
Following on from my previous post, you may find this case study interesting to read.
https://pure.strath.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/120954333/Allely_2020_CYCJ_ASD_and_viewing_indecent_images_of_
This study highlights some of the additional vulnerabilities someone on the autistic spectrum may have which leads them going down this path..... Just thought it may help you and your son in some way, maybe?
Take care
Thanks for the advice.
He is getting some support from Safer Lives and will be started some sessions with them in a couple of weeks.
Can I ask when/if you had legal advice? So far we have only had a voluntary interview, at which I attended and my son was co-operative.....I've heard since that that isn't always the best thing to do, but I felt I/we needed to know what we were dealing with so as to best help him, regardless of whether it affects any prosecution.
He is getting some support from Safer Lives and will be started some sessions with them in a couple of weeks.
Can I ask when/if you had legal advice? So far we have only had a voluntary interview, at which I attended and my son was co-operative.....I've heard since that that isn't always the best thing to do, but I felt I/we needed to know what we were dealing with so as to best help him, regardless of whether it affects any prosecution.
I haven't heard of safer lives, did you hear of this from the Police?
We have spoken to 2 solicitors and they have said to wait until we get called for interview as nothing they can do in interim.
When you say your son had voluntary interview, do you mean the one the day of the knock at your home?
We have spoken to 2 solicitors and they have said to wait until we get called for interview as nothing they can do in interim.
When you say your son had voluntary interview, do you mean the one the day of the knock at your home?
I should maybe add that he and his girlfriend (also 16) had been sharing images of themselves, and she is classed as a minor. So even though they are the same age, this may complicate things......or show that he is interested in people his own age, I don't know.
Safer Lives were one of the support services in some pamphlets we were given. It's quite expensive, but at least we can start it quickly.
yes, the voluntary interview was on the day of the search. They've called me today to say he might get his consoles and gaming pc back in a few weeks if there's no indication of anything on them. They are going to speak with his girlfriend and her parents to warn her about being safe online....so we are all dreading a knock on the door from her father.
yes, the voluntary interview was on the day of the search. They've called me today to say he might get his consoles and gaming pc back in a few weeks if there's no indication of anything on them. They are going to speak with his girlfriend and her parents to warn her about being safe online....so we are all dreading a knock on the door from her father.
It may be worth contacting The Youth Justice Legal Centre (or look at their website) The link is https://yjlc.uk/advice-line/advice-children-young-people-and-their-families
I've just had a look and safer lives is 16+ so that's probably why we didn't get that one.
Worldsend Can I ask did they read your son his rights? They told us they were more worried about wellbeing and sexuality so spoke to him on his own and then it was clear the other officers downstairs found something on his phone and went up whispering to the other officer. After that they went back into his room and read him his rights apparently, I feel like they should have told us what was going on at this point and asked if he wanted one of us present. So strange.
Worldsend Can I ask did they read your son his rights? They told us they were more worried about wellbeing and sexuality so spoke to him on his own and then it was clear the other officers downstairs found something on his phone and went up whispering to the other officer. After that they went back into his room and read him his rights apparently, I feel like they should have told us what was going on at this point and asked if he wanted one of us present. So strange.
That's stressful about the police telling his girlfriend and parents, could he pre warn her maybe? X
If your son does the Young Person's inform course with Stop it Now I believe it is free, they do explain the cost to you, so they appreciate a contribution to it,if you are able to. It may be an option to consider if you say safer lives is quite expensive.
Did you have legal representation when your son did a voluntary interview? I do hope so.
Did you have legal representation when your son did a voluntary interview? I do hope so.
Alison, thank you for the report you sent me, that was very very useful.
I think we definitely need to get him formally diagnosed, if he is, this could form some mitigation. It's only now that he is opening up about his confusion about so many things....including and internal dialogue in his head. This is relatively normal, but he says it's not his voice, and narrates his life, but doesn't instruct him. Sorry, off topic, but this situation had brought so much to our attention now.
I think we definitely need to get him formally diagnosed, if he is, this could form some mitigation. It's only now that he is opening up about his confusion about so many things....including and internal dialogue in his head. This is relatively normal, but he says it's not his voice, and narrates his life, but doesn't instruct him. Sorry, off topic, but this situation had brought so much to our attention now.
It sounds like a good idea to explore getting a diagnosis for your son - it will help you and your son gain the understanding you both need.
Take care . If I think of anything else that may help, I will post again.
Take care . If I think of anything else that may help, I will post again.
I'm not sure if they read him his rights, as he wasn't arrested. Not sure if that makes any difference. I was advised that he just needed an adult present and that a solicitor could be made available if we wanted it.
His girlfriend is aware to a degree what's going on, and knows she will be contacted.
His girlfriend is aware to a degree what's going on, and knows she will be contacted.
Thank you.
So was that at the police station or your home?
Our son wasn't arrested either. Reading rights is when they say anything you do say can be used in evidence etc...?
So was that at the police station or your home?
Our son wasn't arrested either. Reading rights is when they say anything you do say can be used in evidence etc...?
The police wouldn't allow an adult in the room when he first confessed, which my wife wasn't happy about ( I didn't know this until later). Thinking about it, I'm not sure they should have done that.
He was interviewed at the police station in my presence.
He was interviewed at the police station in my presence.
How long was the gap between the house visit and the interview at the station if you don't mind me asking? We haven't had to go to the station yet and it's been 10weeks approx since the knock.
Im wondering if it's because they checked his phone at our house, did they do that with your son?
Thank you x
Im wondering if it's because they checked his phone at our house, did they do that with your son?
Thank you x
Hi Again
The young person in our family did not attend a voluntary interview on the day of the knock. This interview came approximately 8 months later when they had forensics back on the device. In the eight months we did find a solicitor and the young person in our family also did the young person inform course with Stop it Now.
If he had attended a voluntary interview on the same day as the knock I think, as a family, we would have probably not had a duty solicitor if it was offered in an optional manner and we were all very traumatised by the knock and not thinking straight at all. Please make sure any future voluntary interviews you have a solicitor present. It must have been very traumatic for you and your son dealing with the knock and an interview all on the same day.
The young person in our family did not attend a voluntary interview on the day of the knock. This interview came approximately 8 months later when they had forensics back on the device. In the eight months we did find a solicitor and the young person in our family also did the young person inform course with Stop it Now.
If he had attended a voluntary interview on the same day as the knock I think, as a family, we would have probably not had a duty solicitor if it was offered in an optional manner and we were all very traumatised by the knock and not thinking straight at all. Please make sure any future voluntary interviews you have a solicitor present. It must have been very traumatic for you and your son dealing with the knock and an interview all on the same day.
It was all within a matter of hours, so yes, very quick and overwhelming. Probably because he gave them full access and an admission that stuff was on his phone. Because they immediately found stuff from his girlfriend, that was probably enough to star an interview.
Hi, I have deleted my post and will share in a private message. However, I don't often get chance to come on anymore so if I don't immediately reply, please don't be offended.
Hope you're as okay as you can be x
Hope you're as okay as you can be x
Ohhh, this is so famillier, my son was 18 (4 months after his 18th) Autistic and looking for connection, sexual curiousity led him to an area, from a very innocent area, where he was groomed from twitter over to kik at 17 (I want to get this app closed down so much) and we got the knock. After the sentancing, I asked the police when I went to get his devices if they went after the people he was talking too, she just smiled and said we try!!! I said they're abroad and change their IP address don't they and she smiled again. I'm still angry, you could clearly see he was mirroring them with speach as he has wrote anon articles for the media to raise awareness with me and his so articulate. We are very lucky that the Judge could see what had happened and gave him the lit
Irronically, my son was groomed but 2 woman, one apprently from scotland!!! It's there standard line it seems.
We paid for a solicitor who specalised, him and our barrister was amazing. He had a duty at arrest, but I wasen't impressed.
The LFF course that Alison mentioned is free and I also done the course with a group which was really good (I done it free too)
I agree with Alison, I honestly think these are the easy convictions that make the register look good!!!
Irronically, my son was groomed but 2 woman, one apprently from scotland!!! It's there standard line it seems.
We paid for a solicitor who specalised, him and our barrister was amazing. He had a duty at arrest, but I wasen't impressed.
The LFF course that Alison mentioned is free and I also done the course with a group which was really good (I done it free too)
I agree with Alison, I honestly think these are the easy convictions that make the register look good!!!
Just want an end to it, what was your sons outcome then? X
Crushed, I'll message you xx
Could you please message me as well, with the outcome.
My ASD son is due in Crown Court this week. Relates to being given a link on Discord which he clicked on after speaking to a man who contacted him there. The link had images, and nothing downloaded, saved or shared, but they were saved in cache.
We believe he was being groomed.
Was under 16 when it happened and knock was 18 mths ago.
My ASD son is due in Crown Court this week. Relates to being given a link on Discord which he clicked on after speaking to a man who contacted him there. The link had images, and nothing downloaded, saved or shared, but they were saved in cache.
We believe he was being groomed.
Was under 16 when it happened and knock was 18 mths ago.
Hi concernedparents,
You have your messages turned off so people can't private message you.
It sounds harsh that he has had to go to court for something he didn't go looking for and didn't save or share.
Good luck for court, hope it goes well.
Also if it's crown court does that mean youth court or normal? X
You have your messages turned off so people can't private message you.
It sounds harsh that he has had to go to court for something he didn't go looking for and didn't save or share.
Good luck for court, hope it goes well.
Also if it's crown court does that mean youth court or normal? X
It is Adult court, but we are hoping that as this occured over 2 years ago, it will be looked at as Youth.
The images were all prohibited, so not of real children.
The images were all prohibited, so not of real children.
So is he 18 now then? X
Yes he is.
Just heard from the Solicitor that the Barrister has been appointed.
Just heard from the Solicitor that the Barrister has been appointed.
Hi ConcernedParents
I am so sorry that it has taken 18 months since the knock for this to end up going to Adult Court.
It must have been very difficult for your son to wait this length of time as being so young, under 16 years old at the time.
It seems very unfair that he is now having to attend adult court because of the long wait between the knock and attending court.
I am thinking of you and your son and I hope he receives a good outcome.
I am so sorry that it has taken 18 months since the knock for this to end up going to Adult Court.
It must have been very difficult for your son to wait this length of time as being so young, under 16 years old at the time.
It seems very unfair that he is now having to attend adult court because of the long wait between the knock and attending court.
I am thinking of you and your son and I hope he receives a good outcome.
Concernedparents, just wondering how it went and what the outcome was? Hope it was as good as could be and you are all okay x