Relationship
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Hi All,
Sorry if this has been posted before. But I have looked through the forum and was just interested in what relationship you now have with your person. My person was my fiance, father to my LG who is 6mnths old and I am finding it hard to work out what the future is going to look like.
Talking to him is pretty useless and I just feel like I am hitting my head against a wall.
So I was just wondering whether anyone has been able to make a relationship work after all this or whether it was the end of everything? He is convinced we can still be together, I'm not to sure that's ever going to be a possibility anymore as we are technically separated but still communicating for baby.
Any support would be appreciated.
My heads constantly spinning from everything and you are all so lovely so hope you are all coping the best you can physically, mentally and emotionally x
Sorry if this has been posted before. But I have looked through the forum and was just interested in what relationship you now have with your person. My person was my fiance, father to my LG who is 6mnths old and I am finding it hard to work out what the future is going to look like.
Talking to him is pretty useless and I just feel like I am hitting my head against a wall.
So I was just wondering whether anyone has been able to make a relationship work after all this or whether it was the end of everything? He is convinced we can still be together, I'm not to sure that's ever going to be a possibility anymore as we are technically separated but still communicating for baby.
Any support would be appreciated.
My heads constantly spinning from everything and you are all so lovely so hope you are all coping the best you can physically, mentally and emotionally x
Hi,
we are four years post knock. We were also engaged and I was three months pregnant with our daughter. I initially ended the relationship. We're now almost two years into working on our relationship. Our situation isn't as clear cut as some on here as I also have older children from a previous relationship who don't have/want contact.
We see each other regularly and are working on "us" but it's a long process. If a relationship is what you want then it can be done even if it looks different to the pre knock life you had. It's ok to change your mind at any stage, I've made it clear to my partner that my commitment is to working on the relationship but that doesn't mean staying together if it's beyond repair or makes me unhappy.
As in every relationship there isn't a one size fits all solution and whatever you choose to do we will all support you. There are women on here who have left, some who have stayed and others who are undecided and all are correct decisions if it's right for the individual. Take your time and work out what's right for you. Sending love and strength xxx
we are four years post knock. We were also engaged and I was three months pregnant with our daughter. I initially ended the relationship. We're now almost two years into working on our relationship. Our situation isn't as clear cut as some on here as I also have older children from a previous relationship who don't have/want contact.
We see each other regularly and are working on "us" but it's a long process. If a relationship is what you want then it can be done even if it looks different to the pre knock life you had. It's ok to change your mind at any stage, I've made it clear to my partner that my commitment is to working on the relationship but that doesn't mean staying together if it's beyond repair or makes me unhappy.
As in every relationship there isn't a one size fits all solution and whatever you choose to do we will all support you. There are women on here who have left, some who have stayed and others who are undecided and all are correct decisions if it's right for the individual. Take your time and work out what's right for you. Sending love and strength xxx
We are 3 years post Knock. It has been a long process. We seperated while the investigation was underway, and in that time we both did the relevent courses to understand the offending, and safeguarding etc. Had a Risk Assessment. While I did trust he was telling me the truth, I needed the evidence in my hand so I could manage the child services aspect (my person is not the bio dad of my child and I knew this part would be extremily challenging if I went into the system unarmed!). He has unsupervised access to his own.
So, yes, 3 years in, engaged and aiming for a positive future buying a house and blending families.
Each person will have a different experience, different offence, different approach, different opinions of their person and their offending behaviour. But there can be hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.
Soley based on my experience, I would say both of you need to want it, and positively and actively work towards it. He needs to be open and honest throghout and allow you full disclosure to everything so you can rebuild trust. If you don't have trust- or be actively building on trust, it will be extremily hard to see that future. Our road has not been a straight line journey, and we have some wobbles along the way, but we are going to be OK.
So, yes, 3 years in, engaged and aiming for a positive future buying a house and blending families.
Each person will have a different experience, different offence, different approach, different opinions of their person and their offending behaviour. But there can be hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.
Soley based on my experience, I would say both of you need to want it, and positively and actively work towards it. He needs to be open and honest throghout and allow you full disclosure to everything so you can rebuild trust. If you don't have trust- or be actively building on trust, it will be extremily hard to see that future. Our road has not been a straight line journey, and we have some wobbles along the way, but we are going to be OK.
Hello,
We are still together although he sleeps at his parents 13 months post knock plea hearing later this month. We are both working hard every single day and it is not always pretty. I think you both have to want it but he needs to be willing to do whatever it takes (counselling, group support, be supportive whatever mood I'm in). Best of luck to you both.
We are still together although he sleeps at his parents 13 months post knock plea hearing later this month. We are both working hard every single day and it is not always pretty. I think you both have to want it but he needs to be willing to do whatever it takes (counselling, group support, be supportive whatever mood I'm in). Best of luck to you both.
I just want to thank you all for sharing with me. He was originally arrested Jun 2023 and I found out I was having a baby July. After being told I'd never have children. So a lot of stuff all happened all at once.
I have made my feelings very clear and we are essentially not together at the moment, he is doing therapy, seeing doctors and course from here. However I have said to him that maybe we need some relationship therapy even if it is just to Co parent in the future as I don't know what to think at the moment and my main focus is my LG.
He has said he agrees and will look in to it for us, but wants to do that when this all ends, which who knows when that will be. But it's at least a plan and we are still talking and working on what we can for our LG.
I appreciate all your help and support and just the fact I'm not alone. I feel sometimes this is harder on us than those who did the things to cause us to be here in the first place. X
I have made my feelings very clear and we are essentially not together at the moment, he is doing therapy, seeing doctors and course from here. However I have said to him that maybe we need some relationship therapy even if it is just to Co parent in the future as I don't know what to think at the moment and my main focus is my LG.
He has said he agrees and will look in to it for us, but wants to do that when this all ends, which who knows when that will be. But it's at least a plan and we are still talking and working on what we can for our LG.
I appreciate all your help and support and just the fact I'm not alone. I feel sometimes this is harder on us than those who did the things to cause us to be here in the first place. X
I'd been married over 30 years. Spent months after the knock trying to keep everything together - even thinking we could come out of it stronger the other side.
But ultimately the trust had gone. I felt so disrepected and that I obviously wasn't enough.
I ended the marriage even though I still loved him.
2 years later after therapy and medication I realise I no longer love him.
Trying to make a new life for myself - looking after myself and having some fun.
I truly believe his offending will never go away - and I don't need that in my life.
But ultimately the trust had gone. I felt so disrepected and that I obviously wasn't enough.
I ended the marriage even though I still loved him.
2 years later after therapy and medication I realise I no longer love him.
Trying to make a new life for myself - looking after myself and having some fun.
I truly believe his offending will never go away - and I don't need that in my life.
@anxiousgirl, I am so glad you are getting your live back on track and you did what is right for you and glad it's now going better for you.
I think sometime the hardest thing in all thus is thinking about ourselves as we haven't done anything to cause what's happened, but for some reason it feels like we are to blame / a partnof the problem even if we are not.
But sending your a virtual hug x
I think sometime the hardest thing in all thus is thinking about ourselves as we haven't done anything to cause what's happened, but for some reason it feels like we are to blame / a partnof the problem even if we are not.
But sending your a virtual hug x
Hi, we are 7 years post knock. We had been married 17 years, best friends for 30 and had 4 children. I knew pretty early on that I could never share a bed with him again. So I divorced him. However, I believed he would never, ever put me and our children through this again. 2 1/2 years ago he reoffended. I know now that he will always prioritise it over us. I made the right decision but the last 7 years has destroyed me, mentally and physically and has destroyed my family. If I'd stayed with him, I would've always been looking over my shoulder and I wouldn't have coped with that. The knock for me and my kids was the most horrific and shocking thing I've ever been through. X
I'm so sorry to read your post @littlerobin.
I hope you are in the best place you can be right now physically, mentally and emotionally.
This whole situation is so hard on us, the ones who are really going through it for no reason. Everyday comes with its own quirks and drama but no one can ever really prepare you for the stress and emotional damage all this has on us.
The being scared of additional knocks on your door is very scary too, as your always expecting the worse to happen on top of everything else we have already dealt with on top.
Sending you love and hugs. X
I hope you are in the best place you can be right now physically, mentally and emotionally.
This whole situation is so hard on us, the ones who are really going through it for no reason. Everyday comes with its own quirks and drama but no one can ever really prepare you for the stress and emotional damage all this has on us.
The being scared of additional knocks on your door is very scary too, as your always expecting the worse to happen on top of everything else we have already dealt with on top.
Sending you love and hugs. X
I am just about 8 months post-knock. I made a very quick decision to end our 22 year relationship, in fact I locked the door whilst the vigilantes were berating him outside. So I think he knew that was it. Since then my anger may be less obvious to others but it's there under the surface. I think my occasional posts on here, if I read them back, show how distressed I still am, but I hide my feelings to others, as the only way I will get through
As far as any relationship with him goes, there's only the come and get your stuff/practical messages. He's moved away so I know he won't turn up out of the blue. I'm also hoping that when he goes to court the media will post his new location. I will never be able to trust him again, or believe any explanations he offers( none so far) Despite my anger and outward show of just getting on with it, I still love him. Ridiculous right?
I wish you well whatever you decide is the path for you. There is no right one for all
As far as any relationship with him goes, there's only the come and get your stuff/practical messages. He's moved away so I know he won't turn up out of the blue. I'm also hoping that when he goes to court the media will post his new location. I will never be able to trust him again, or believe any explanations he offers( none so far) Despite my anger and outward show of just getting on with it, I still love him. Ridiculous right?
I wish you well whatever you decide is the path for you. There is no right one for all
4 years post knock.
I initially supported my OH & he was initially very apologetic
Over the following 2 years, this went into denial and a total lack of accountability & also alot of gaslighting & abusive behaviours.
I caught him reoffending & had to report him to the police myself
I also caught him once more but only because he'd signed up to a s/media he wasn't allowed to have.
Honestly, I think In part, I joined this forum desperate for answers, read a whole load of posts regarding porn addiction etc. It's very easy when your lost & lacking answers to latch onto a ray of hope that your other half is not the P word
Unfortunately that was exactly the case for my other half & he really is a risk to children.
There's been lots more to it.
I'm now divorced & honestly I couldn't be happier.
Our house was targeted multiple times due to media reporting. But my little one and I are finally looking forward to a future where neither of our lives will be impacted by my ex's offending & there is so much peace that comes with that knowledge.
I try to have a working friendship with my ex so I can continue supervising visits between him & my little one but I also do keep my distance somewhat.
No persons journey is the same on here. But is is a great place for support
X
I initially supported my OH & he was initially very apologetic
Over the following 2 years, this went into denial and a total lack of accountability & also alot of gaslighting & abusive behaviours.
I caught him reoffending & had to report him to the police myself
I also caught him once more but only because he'd signed up to a s/media he wasn't allowed to have.
Honestly, I think In part, I joined this forum desperate for answers, read a whole load of posts regarding porn addiction etc. It's very easy when your lost & lacking answers to latch onto a ray of hope that your other half is not the P word
Unfortunately that was exactly the case for my other half & he really is a risk to children.
There's been lots more to it.
I'm now divorced & honestly I couldn't be happier.
Our house was targeted multiple times due to media reporting. But my little one and I are finally looking forward to a future where neither of our lives will be impacted by my ex's offending & there is so much peace that comes with that knowledge.
I try to have a working friendship with my ex so I can continue supervising visits between him & my little one but I also do keep my distance somewhat.
No persons journey is the same on here. But is is a great place for support
X
Hiya all.
So we had the knock one morning in May 22.
We are now 2 and a bit years pass the knock. So I decided straight away that I would stay with him but if ever happened again goodbye. I went to the first court case with him but not the second.
We have started the new way in life , with probation and visor visits and only uk holidays.
At the end of the day he is my pain in the ass.
X
So we had the knock one morning in May 22.
We are now 2 and a bit years pass the knock. So I decided straight away that I would stay with him but if ever happened again goodbye. I went to the first court case with him but not the second.
We have started the new way in life , with probation and visor visits and only uk holidays.
At the end of the day he is my pain in the ass.
X
I'd just like to thank every single one of you, I never expected so many people to respond to my post as I am more of a reader than a poster usually.
I really am unsure what my future will hold, but at the moment my life has changed and not for the better. This includes seeing so many professionals weekly, looking after a baby and loosing my job as I can't go back full time.
However I am so glad to have found every single one of you on here and glad to have a place I can call a safe place with out fears and judgement.
I tried to speak about what we going on in another group a day after all s**t hit the fan and the outboard of negativity I was sent was horrific and it made my mental health 200% worse than it already was at, yet they stated they were friendly and supportive. Then they started stalking my Facebook profile which i hardly go on, other than to talk to friends and family (i.e. don't post anything, add photos etc. They made me feel super victimised.)
Either way I just want to say thank you if it wasn't for you guys I don't think I'd feel as strong as I do, and I just would feel so lost (not saying I'm 100% great most days, but you know what I mean. )
I think I will see what happens and go from there, I am not making plans, or doing anything because of him anymore. What will happen, will happen and that is that I think. He has ruined mine and my LG life in so many ways and I still don't think he gets that and that he has a lot of work to put in to make some kind of normal, as it will never be normal again or as it was.
Thank you for all your perspectives and also keep responding too, it's nice to see what changes you have all made and you give me so much hope for a future, which I am going to be honest, looks pretty bleak and a massive void at the moment.
Try and have the best week you can all xx
I really am unsure what my future will hold, but at the moment my life has changed and not for the better. This includes seeing so many professionals weekly, looking after a baby and loosing my job as I can't go back full time.
However I am so glad to have found every single one of you on here and glad to have a place I can call a safe place with out fears and judgement.
I tried to speak about what we going on in another group a day after all s**t hit the fan and the outboard of negativity I was sent was horrific and it made my mental health 200% worse than it already was at, yet they stated they were friendly and supportive. Then they started stalking my Facebook profile which i hardly go on, other than to talk to friends and family (i.e. don't post anything, add photos etc. They made me feel super victimised.)
Either way I just want to say thank you if it wasn't for you guys I don't think I'd feel as strong as I do, and I just would feel so lost (not saying I'm 100% great most days, but you know what I mean. )
I think I will see what happens and go from there, I am not making plans, or doing anything because of him anymore. What will happen, will happen and that is that I think. He has ruined mine and my LG life in so many ways and I still don't think he gets that and that he has a lot of work to put in to make some kind of normal, as it will never be normal again or as it was.
Thank you for all your perspectives and also keep responding too, it's nice to see what changes you have all made and you give me so much hope for a future, which I am going to be honest, looks pretty bleak and a massive void at the moment.
Try and have the best week you can all xx