Family and Friends Forum

To be honest, I wouldn't tell them anything at this point. These investigations can take years.

Ours is 26 months so far. Xx

I work in education and told my line manager and our family liaison officer the same day we had the knock as I didn't want any come back... they've been incredibly supportive and it hasn't impacted on my job at all.

Obviously I don't know what your employer will take it, however your DBS shouldn't be affected by his actions...

I worked in education even though my person was not my partner or child I still told my boss because of thr media and spiteful People I thought someone fornsure would contact my place of work but my boss was fine ir wouldn't even show on a check as my person disnt live under my roof but I still have contact as they are a family member sorry you have joined our journey I use this forum as my healing journey if I am honest and it has helped me immensely I'm some strange way I hope you find comfort here in such harrowing times no one wants to be here but here we are xx

I work in education. Not directly with the children but felt it best for me to tell straight away. I got a lot of support. I still work at the same place. We're not living together any longer but do see each other x

I work in healthcare as support function not directly with kids. But my job does involve working closely with safeguarding and all staff must be trained in it. If my person is convicted they'll automatically refer me to LADO who will tell work. My line manager knows. I had the phone call from the police when I was in work so they knew from The start. I've been open and honest with her and we've done an internal review. My partners behaviour has nothing to do with me, they're happy that I've maintained professionalism all through the process and I am very good at my job. They will support me should the referral come through if convicted.

My partner has passed a dbs check several times recently as he's been job hunting and has done for years so; until you're at the stage where it's recorded or you need to disclose.....I wouldn't. Check all internal policies especially about business reputation.

After being on this forum I'm not convinced DBs is that effective; many of the offenders don't show up until many years after first being caught, and the partners are implicated when it's absolutely not their fault!!

I have recently been told by manager that because my other half didn't live with me, nor did I get married to him and only have a child with him nothing would show up on an enhanced dbs for me. I work with vulnerable adults.

However she didn't mention about a basic dbs. So maybe check on what would go on a dbs for yourself if he was charged with something as for sure I'm not sure as its not our criminal activities and I was always under the impression that it is to do with our own criminal background, not the background of others around us.

I would maybe speak to ACAS if your not sure as they can give and support you with employment law and legal support for employment.

Hope your get your answers. Sending massive virtual hugs to you. Xx

Hi Sarah,

I work for the NHS and as anyone else on the forum will tell you they are absolutely hot on DBS checks. My role covers both adults and children so I had an enhanced check completed literally days before the knock 3 years ago. I told my manager and HR who were both extremely supportive even though I went off sick for 8 months with stress and PTSD. I was strongly encouraged to return to work after sentencing and even horrific publicity via the press. 3 years down the line and a new manager in situ I have only last month had to repeat an enhanced check, absolutely nothing showed up on it and even though my new manager may know my situation up to now it has never been discussed. I have always believed especially after this experience that honesty is always the best policy, some may disagree but at least my conscience is clear and I don't worry now about the what ifs and what may happen. I have just a few days ago cancelled a cruise due to recent T&C's being updated regarding SO's, a lot of my friends think I am mad to declare the reasoning to the cruise company but whilst devastated as I was so looking forward to going away the thought of being denied boarding or having a permanent ban from a cruise company for breaching T&C's would have had a greater effect on me in the long term, plus for my honesty and without any financial penalties they gave me a full refund and advised I was always welcome to continue to cruise with them.
I hope all works out for you.

Best wishes

Katie x

I have no experience of this but just want to say I'm sorry and send you a hug. On top of everything the worry about keeping your job is an unbelievably heavy burden, especially as you are innocent. It just impacts every area of life doesn't it.

I had to tell my employer because I had security clearance and lost it almost immediately because of what my partner was charged with. My employer were very caring and supportive and kept me on leave with pay for months while they figured out what to do - they did end up letting me go but I didn't really want to go back to a workplace where people knew what had happened anyway! To give you some hope in case it happens to you - I had to totally change career since I couldn't get clearance any more but I am far far happier in my new job and career than I ever was in my old one. Losing my job was my worst fear at the start but it honestly isn't the end of the world x

Sending you another hand to hold and solidarity in this godawful situation.

My person is my husband of 15.5 years, I've been with him since 2002, we have two beautiful daughters (tweens) and I work as a solicitor in public sector litigation.

I've been completely upfront with my supervising partner and HR - I had to explain why I couldn't log in on the morning of the knock as my house was teeming with police who were confiscating almost all devices!
I've also realised over the years that if you don't ask for help, people won't guess what you need. I've been supported so much by everyone I've chosen to tell.

I tried to go back to work last week but had another huge breakdown yesterday and am signed off again (this is week 15). Katie28 I felt like such a failure still being unable to work, assuming everyone else here has muddled through or taken a few weeks only. I'm so raw and traumatised I just can't concentrate, and my children's needs are so much higher than before the knock. I hope it doesn't sound mean to say I'm relieved there's someone else here who hasn't been able to just soldier on.
I really hope I can get back to my job in some form or other. I can't envisage it yet, and am very aware charges / plea / sentencing / media will all send me back to square 1 like the (totally positive) call from SW did on Thursday. Fortunately I have income protection as I've been with my employer so long, but I do want to work. I love having that identity, but at the moment I don't even know who I am.
Sorry that was such a tangent :D I just saw Katie28's comment and my brain exploded with relief that I'm not alone.
Hugs to all xxx

Thank you Sarah xxx

Great news Sarah. There are some goud, caring and kind people out there.

Best wishes Katie xx

We're not at that stage yet but I'm also worried that I could lose my job if my OH is convicted for reasons that others have set out in this thread (allthough my employer has been very supportive so far).

@yellowshell - can I ask what the charges were? I'm wondering whether that would be a descriminator here.

Glad to hear your employer is being supportive - that must be a huge relief.

@runawaygirl - I don't think it matters much what the charges are because what I told my employer about was only one charge out of several (not intentionally on my part, I hadn't been given the full story...). But without getting too specific, I worked in a role where this kind of thing could have very serious reputational damage for the company in the very specialist industry if they'd kept me on and word had got out. I expect 99% of people wouldn't end up in my position. I hope that's a little reassuring!

Thank you, yellowshell. Hopefully I'll be ok but only time will tell.