Supervised access - interpretation
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Hi all. I'm now 15 weeks post-knock and having occasional days of not just being completely preoccupied by it all. Bail has been extended on the same terms as before, being that my person is allowed to reside overnight in the family home but no unsupervised access to the children.
Today the Social Worker has closed our file pending charges, whilst reiterating the need for me to ensure compliance with the bail conditions.
When the bail conditions were amended to allow him overnight stays, the OIC said 'he doesn't have follow you everywhere around the house, don't worry, but you have to be in the house when he is; for example you can't just pop to the shop or go for a drink or a run when it all gets too much.'
All understood, and I've gone further than that - he's sleeping downstairs, has separate toilet facilities to the children, and I'm extremely strict about ensuring eg everyone is appropriately dressed when he's here.
What I'm dwelling on is whether things like the following are ok: him sitting with my daughter while she does her homework in the kitchen, and I'm in the sitting room with the youngest. Him being in the garden with one child while I'm indoors reading.
I need to do the LFF Inform course soon, and it's in the evenings. I had been planning to let him be on 'snacks and TV duty' while I did the course in a different room. Is that likely to be ok? Or should I check with SW first?
Today the Social Worker has closed our file pending charges, whilst reiterating the need for me to ensure compliance with the bail conditions.
When the bail conditions were amended to allow him overnight stays, the OIC said 'he doesn't have follow you everywhere around the house, don't worry, but you have to be in the house when he is; for example you can't just pop to the shop or go for a drink or a run when it all gets too much.'
All understood, and I've gone further than that - he's sleeping downstairs, has separate toilet facilities to the children, and I'm extremely strict about ensuring eg everyone is appropriately dressed when he's here.
What I'm dwelling on is whether things like the following are ok: him sitting with my daughter while she does her homework in the kitchen, and I'm in the sitting room with the youngest. Him being in the garden with one child while I'm indoors reading.
I need to do the LFF Inform course soon, and it's in the evenings. I had been planning to let him be on 'snacks and TV duty' while I did the course in a different room. Is that likely to be ok? Or should I check with SW first?
Hi,
how old are your children? Do they have any knowledge of the situation? The downstairs of my house is pretty open plan so as long as we are all downstairs or in the garden with the door open we are within earshot of each other and this works for us. Our little one is only 3 so I think this is the most subtable and natural way for supervision to take place.
With regards to the inform course you might be able to do a one to one course during the day, this is what I did as it coincided with bedtime otherwise. Personally I think that unless your children are around 7 or older then two hours of your attention being elsewhere might be too long for agencies to accept as supervised so going back to the sw with this information may lead them to go back to the police for clarification on his bail conditions and what they consider to be unsupervised xxx
how old are your children? Do they have any knowledge of the situation? The downstairs of my house is pretty open plan so as long as we are all downstairs or in the garden with the door open we are within earshot of each other and this works for us. Our little one is only 3 so I think this is the most subtable and natural way for supervision to take place.
With regards to the inform course you might be able to do a one to one course during the day, this is what I did as it coincided with bedtime otherwise. Personally I think that unless your children are around 7 or older then two hours of your attention being elsewhere might be too long for agencies to accept as supervised so going back to the sw with this information may lead them to go back to the police for clarification on his bail conditions and what they consider to be unsupervised xxx
Thank you. They're older - 9 and 12. I'd prefer the group sessions as it's partly the solidarity I want. Perhaps I'll send him out those evenings.
Unfortunately I'd assume you can't! Sorry. Mine are a similar age and I supervise (though he doesn't live with us, so its only for visits). Our house is split over three floors so the ground floor is two rooms and small and I feel ok being in the other room listening with the door open, but I also feel like I need to be on alert if that makes sense? Its really tiring.
Our grandsons are the same ages as your two so would be able to say if they were worried about any behaviour from dad but even so we always keep doors ajar and one of us adults on same floor if, for eg, dad is saying goodnight or being shown something in a bedroom. There is absoutely no evidence of our grandchildren being harmed in any shape or form so it is mainly to be totally transparent if asked about our safeguarding so we don't ever give the impression we are minimising the risk or becoming complacent.Plus sadly the knowledge that there is always the chance, however minute, that our son would do something, now we know about his online offending which we would never have considered he'd do. I do remember picking up the children with my son and stopping for a loo break driving back but then being stuck as the children (boys) wouldn't come into the ladies with me of course, but didn't want to go into the gents on their own either and wanted dad to go with them. We ended up with our son 'hiding' in Simply Food and me lurking in the entrance to the gents whilst the boys had their wee. Ridiculous as being alone in a motorway gents seemed far more risky for 2 small boys than going into a crowded place with dad. And I got a few strange looks from the men going past me!!! I can smile at our behaviour then now, but I'm sure we all know that dreadful fear that we'd do something wrong unknowingly in those very early days which we know from this forum can sometimes have unhelpful consequences.