Was he abused
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Before we got the knock for my son, he had asked me if he had been abused as he doesn't remember anything prior to the age of 10, he is now only 15.
I now can't get this question out of my mind. I keep trying to re-run his whole life in my head, going over everything.
I now can't get this question out of my mind. I keep trying to re-run his whole life in my head, going over everything.
Oh Crushed I really do feel for you. It's so hard trying to make sense of what's happened and why our people find themselves in the place they are.
My son was in his 20's when he got arrested but had started his online behaviour in his early teens. After being arrested he was told that it was likely he had suffered a childhood trauma but like your son he had no memory of anything.
My son and his therapist decided that as he had no memory there was no point in undertaken the type of therapy needed to regress and therefore he had therapy that concentrated on what he did remember.
It's so hard as a mum not having the answers or being able to fix the problem but maybe for now all you can do is concentrate on supporting your son in understanding why he behaved in the way he did and what he needs to do to ensure he has alternative ways of managing the situations that led him to offend in the first place.
My son was in his 20's when he got arrested but had started his online behaviour in his early teens. After being arrested he was told that it was likely he had suffered a childhood trauma but like your son he had no memory of anything.
My son and his therapist decided that as he had no memory there was no point in undertaken the type of therapy needed to regress and therefore he had therapy that concentrated on what he did remember.
It's so hard as a mum not having the answers or being able to fix the problem but maybe for now all you can do is concentrate on supporting your son in understanding why he behaved in the way he did and what he needs to do to ensure he has alternative ways of managing the situations that led him to offend in the first place.
As ocean has said, a good therapist should not really delve into unlocking any forgotten memory because there have been cases of creating 'false memories '.
I read once a person became convinced they were abused by someone they knew and took it to court. Turned out an inexperienced therapist unwittingly allowed their client to make false memories.
The mind is a powerful thing, and I too have experienced strong false memories (nothing sinister).
Best to focus on what they do know about themselves and lived/remembered experiences.
I read once a person became convinced they were abused by someone they knew and took it to court. Turned out an inexperienced therapist unwittingly allowed their client to make false memories.
The mind is a powerful thing, and I too have experienced strong false memories (nothing sinister).
Best to focus on what they do know about themselves and lived/remembered experiences.
Thank you both for your replies.
I know the danger with false memories, so I'm not sharing these thoughts with him, I'm just finding it's something I'm dwelling on in my mind.
I just can't understand how he got here.
He has a therapist so hopefully she can unpick things with him and if he has been abused it may come back to him naturally at some point.
I worry as I have a baby and I'm thinking can I trust anyone to have him, grandparents wise (I know, but this is how my mind is going) :-(
Ocean did your son find reasons for how he got to that point?
Thank you again so much xxx Hope you ladies are doing okay xxx
I know the danger with false memories, so I'm not sharing these thoughts with him, I'm just finding it's something I'm dwelling on in my mind.
I just can't understand how he got here.
He has a therapist so hopefully she can unpick things with him and if he has been abused it may come back to him naturally at some point.
I worry as I have a baby and I'm thinking can I trust anyone to have him, grandparents wise (I know, but this is how my mind is going) :-(
Ocean did your son find reasons for how he got to that point?
Thank you again so much xxx Hope you ladies are doing okay xxx
I'm not sure we'll ever really understand how he got there. He says he hated everything about himself, how he looked, who he was, the fact he wasn't popular etc etc. His self esteem was zero. He kept this all hidden from us, we knew he was shy but didn't realise the anguish he was going through. He found that online he could be someone else and that was when his problematic online behaviour started. He would communicate with random people and if they responded positively he would feel great for a short while but would then sink even lower into the despair he felt. He hated himself for what he was doing but would do it to try and make himself feel better. He would manage to control it for sometime but would relapse when life became challenging.