Family and Friends Forum

Hi Chelsey, to help with my mental well-being following my sons sentencing I joined an organisation in my local area which is focused on mental health wellbeing. During the workshops and coaching we were taught that leading a balanced life is fundamental to our well-being.

The four pillars we need to focus on balancing for stability are mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. Obviously the spiritual pillar doesn't mean having to attend church each week but spiritual well being is equally as important as mental, emotional and physical well being but is an area that is often over looked.

Its good to know you've found a church that you feel comfortable in.

Hi, my family and I had been in a church for 10 years when we got the knock. The vicar emailed everyone to inform them. It was a huge church. Not one of them got in touch with me. Not one. I'll never step foot in one again. X

I've started going to a church group too. It was called Hope Explored. Probably because at that point I saw no hope in my situation

I'm a Christian and honestly wouldn't have got through the past twelve months (waiting on forensics) without my faith and the practical and spiritual support of a circle of Christian friends who are all in the know. The church I go to has been fantastic - the leadership and a minority know the full story, everyone knows OH and I have separated due to serial infidelity on his part (also true - it came out when the police turned up!). Oddly enough my faith's actually much stronger now than before all this as I've seen God carry me and my kids when we were emotionally and financially completely screwed, and I'd say the same regarding my kids' faith. I think it does help too feeling that there's a bigger picture - this life and what happens here really isn't all there is. I also think the Christian approach to wrong-doing strikes a good balance for the offender. On the one had it says "You can know forgiveness and start again and live a whole new life". But on the other it also says "You HAVE done something evil and you need to repent and take responsibility and seriously commit yourself to fighting to live differently (accountability, transparency counselling, full co-operation with SS etc, whatever forms that needs to take).

Anyway God is good but churches vary because they're full of us very imperfect humans. I'd recommend disclosing to someone in leadership (minister / priest / vicar / pastor / whatever) if you want to settle somewhere. People in church leadership see all sorts and will be less shocked than you think. I don't know how every church handles things, but I've heard of procedures for convicted offenders which combines safeguarding measures with a pretty high level of confidentiality (IIRC the offender agrees to a range of safeguards to protect under-18s and the appropriate safeguarding people within the church know, but the wider church membership don't). Its also sadly the case that a reasonable minority of churches now don't have under-18s, which makes life easier.

I have also found church a good support, both mentally and practically, whilst going through this.

Most don't even know the full story but they're still there for me.



It makes me sad to hear some churches haven't been supportive.

LitteRobin3 what a horrendous experience you have had at the hands of a church and disagraceful actions of the vicar. That's absolutely outrageous and my heart goes out to you. How incredibly difficult and sad for you. I don't believe this is Godly, but cowardly, judgemental people. You're better off without this kind of church. So sorry.

My catholic community have been really supportive. It was in the local press & few have spoken about it,but he is in many prayers.The priests have listened & not judged,some parishioners have even visited my son in prison. The catholic chaplains in the prison have welcomed him & eased him back into worship.
You sometimes have to trust in God,that it will turn out ok.