Family and Friends Forum

This is my first post in the Friday checkin. 15 weeks and 3 days since the knock and, having hobbled through with my two beautiful daughters, focusing any spare headspace my OH, my brain is just starting to wake up to all the betrayal, disloyalty and dishonesty in my relationship.
I've been so wrapped up in giving the children a lovely summer despite cancelled holiday, and keeping him

safe, making sure not to rock the boat or distress him, that I hadn't had a moment to look at what he's done TO ME. I tried going back to work 10 days ago and lasted 5 half days before falling apart. I feel like I'm starting all over again with therapy, and actually doing it for me rather than just to help me cope with him.



This addiction ans its consequences are like a huge black hole sucking everything in. A massive spotlight leaving everything else in darkness. And my brain has absolutely had it with the compassion, the kindness, the gentleness and understanding for the addiction. I'm downright bloody furious at the betrayal, infidelity, dishonesty, disrespect etc. I'm going to spend some time letting the rage rage. I'm also making a list of questions I need answers to.

therapist reckons I'll need longer off work to process the information, if I do ask these questions. But there's no way forward without honesty.



Sorry to be such a negative voice. Perhaps it'll be some comfort to others who are struggling to find compassion for their person this week?

Yes remember we raise a glass of tea, coffee, wine, beer 9pm tomorrow night to us the brave ones, how we all cope together with this mess that is put upon us!

All ok with Mrs Smile, glad to report life with the retired one continues to slot into place and a nice routine is falling into place, where we enjoy separate then together time.

Boy is fine, not much happening at the moment, but in this journey that can be a welcome relief! I've had one or two sad vibes this week, think it's been the P word being mentioned SO much. But hey ho I try to rise above it.

just cooking a tea of spicy chicken portions and rice yummy!

Hello!

Hope you are all okay and had a good week.

I am finding I am having more moments where I feel okay and happy and normal again, but then I remember and it all comes back. It's the waiting and the unknown that's so hard isn't it.

I love the idea of having a drink and raising a glass with each other, I will be joining you lovely ladies on Saturday night for that :-)

xxx

Hello Friday Check in

My week had been good. Mr Ocean and I tried out a new coffee shop yesterday morning and then went to a BBQ lunch at friends. Today I've been out again for lunch with a friend and this evening I'll be enjoying a takeaway with my son.

No news really to share about my son but he's continuing to do well and seems content with the way things are.

I too will be joining smile in raising a glass to you all tomorrow evening.

Hello Friday Check in,

Nice to hear from all of you and I appreciate all the posts, positive and negative.

The pup's surgery to remove a growth last week went well. He's 12 so not sure if pup is still the right term. Anyway the site is healing well.

My middle son made the school volleyball team! I'm so excited for him. He is shy and self conscious and he really needed a win!

My husband is wrapping up work as he decided he didn't want to disclose, plea hearing is next Thursday. His best friend since childhood walked away. It was heartbreaking. We've now lost all old life friends except for my one childhood friend. We are meeting new people at least, others who are struggling.

I will definitely toast a glass of something tomorrow to us. We are all incredibly strong.

Hi Friday check in x

I have been dealing with our youngest daughter not talking to me all week (it's usually her dad she falls out with but not this time). She says that I called her ungrateful which started all this. I don't remember saying the word but I might have implied it. Though she is being ungrateful. Even though she's not talking to me, she still wants money for dinner at college and she also still expects me to pick her up from her boyfriend's every night at 9.30 and it has to be me picking her up as her dad can't go on his own to pick her up. We're trying to get her to be independent and use her college bus pass as it doesn't cost her anything. They want independence but then they don't.

This year is the 50th year of the school I work at and tomorrow we're having a family fun day to celebrate. I'm going with our elder daughter and granddaughter so my colleagues can meet my granddaughter. There's going to be inflatables, ice cream, fun activities and we also have a sensory bus. Fingers crossed weather is nice. The youngest daughter doesn't want to go anyway as she says she doesn't like crowds, even though she's enjoying being at college. Everyone keeps saying she has traits of ADHD and she is waiting to be assessed.

Sending a virtual hug to anyone that needs it this week xx

Hi,

I pop in and out now, I found it all very triggering after sentancing so had to come away and had some therapy for my PTSD.

I can't beleive we are nearly a year after sentancing, we are getting on with life and my son is doing really well. I can't say I don't think about it every day, I do.

It's lovely to come on and see ladies names that got me though the most honendous days, Thank you so much. I love that HC is doing well and that his eating habbits are still as supurb as ever!

I agree, so many new names and lots of Mum's, especally Mums of autistic youths and my heart breaks for them. I hope I can give them a little light at the end of the tunnel, it doesn't go away, but you learn to live with it.

Sentencing took place a month ago. It hit the media and we were warned things could turn nasty. As it was, apart from the keyboard warriors, we were ok. We were just beginning to relax....a little....when the storm hit again this week for us all in the media...HE. The harsh terms, and the media coverage set us back to square one. I am so grateful to this forum....to be able to connect with the only people who can understand what we are going through. I will certainly be raising a glass to you all tomorrow. Cheers my dears. And thank you. Xx

Hello friday check in

well my week has not been the best. Getting over flu. Went out for the first time yesterday to go to work. And again today. But it is done and dusted and apart from still feeling tired i am now on the mend. Whenever i am ill i get really low, and how i have been low this week. But onwards and upwards feeling more positive. Unfortunately i dont think the weather is playing ball this weekend, but determined to take my furbabies out, as they dont care about the rain, so it will be nice to be out walking again. And will be going back to my line dancing next week.

I will raise a glass at 9pm tomorrow.....what is everyone having? If my diet will allow i might have a baileys.....

Hi everyone

so many worried families on here this week, many younger and neuro diverse kids. My heart goes out to you all. I've been avoiding the news all week too.

second week back at school for child and back to work for me. The work is coming thick and fast which is a nice distraction and also a confidence boost to know that despite my life being turned upside down I'm still respected and good at my job. My person has started working again so that's a relief.

Busy and emotionally heavy week with lots of meetings and courses and therapy. I have to say I didn't think therapy would help but it's one thing I'm doing just for me, not about the mess we're in or about everyone else involved. Oh and the back to school germs are in full swing.....

I may have a little something in a fancy glass with you all tomorrow at 9.

Hi all. I've lurked on this forum a lot since the knock last year and have been comforted by it and all of you even though I wasn't ready to post.

My partner was sentenced this week and it was a rollercoaster, I found out on the day of sentencing that there were charges he hadn't told me about and that's still a huge shock. But he avoided prison, barely, basically because his horrifically abusive childhood was taken as mitigation, so obviously it's a huge relief that he's still here and his sentence was actually nowhere near as bad as I expected even though I didn't know about all the charges. Also it hit the media which was horrible but only behind a paywall in the local paper that nobody really reads so nothing has come of it, not yet anyway.

Right now I'm still all over the place with it all, it almost feels like the beginning again, but finally having most of the uncertainty over with is a weight off.

Hope you all have a good weekend x

I always read Friday check in but haven't posted for a while.

6 months now post knock and i am learning to to take a day at a time. I am so lucky that I have met a friend through another forum who is going through the journey and take great comfort and strength from walking and talking with her. I wish we weren't made to feel so hidden, and be able to support each other in person.

My middle child is off to uni for the first time tomorrow. I am so incredibly proud of him, he has taken his exams and exceled whilst this shit is happening around him But I don't feel ready to let him go. I am so pleased for him though, to start his next chapter.

My thoughts always go out to you incredible women, hidden in plain sight. Sending love to all for a calm weekend xx

My week as been ok. Started my new job in healthcare and did worry being away from my son and worrying about his mental state would distract me but been ok. I don't think he's coped well with the change, particularly because I'm doing 10hr days. He was also changing his A level course and he passed entry test so he's happy with that.

He had meltdown middle of week because ever since they took his Xbox, phone etc he spends the day in livingroom with us. Still won't sleep in his room (been almost 2 months). The meltdown related to my other child wanting to use PS5 which is downstairs.

Another positive he wants to train for a marathon so that's a good focus.

Good morning Friday check in.... I'm a bit late but had so much on my mind, with getting ready for plea hearing next week.

This week has been a good one apart from the obvious worries.

It was our anniversary the other day and we managed to have a bit of us time while our kids stayed at their grandparents house which was lovely, and we have also joined a gym which has helped both of us with our mental health, we just pop the earpods in and it really does help us forget for a bit.

It's heartbreaking to see so many joining the forum it feels like only yesterday that it was me and now we are 12 months in, the only bit of advise I have is to take one day at a time, don't make any rash decisions and know that you will smile again.

Xx

Upset mum... Thank you xx