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How to you keep going when waiting for updates....

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Scaredmumof3

Member since
July 2023

100 posts

Posted Sun September 22, 2024 4:35pmReport post

We are over 12 months since the knock.

Husband RUI

Social services closed CIN case & they have allowed unsupervised access (I know how lucky we are re that)

Last update from police was that they can't find the passwords for the laptop they have, and this was over 3 months ago.

OH in SAA and counselling but still in denial as he thinks now police can't get into laptop it must just go away. This mean he refuses to engage with any "what if" conversations regarding court / conviction.

How do you all cope with the limbo?

I now work in a new job which is full time so going back to supervised access just fills me with worry and dread.......

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

524 posts

Posted Mon September 30, 2024 10:10amReport post

Hello,

Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.


If you haven't already done so, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support and do their best to answer your questions. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.

I hope this has been helpful.

Take care,

Lucy

T2021

Member since
December 2020

105 posts

Posted Mon September 30, 2024 11:05amReport post

It's very difficult. Your situation sounds very similar to mine re the children having unsupervised access and you working full time.

you have to try and live life today. Not yesterday or tomorow.

i have been in limbo for 4 years and 2 months. Only now has charges been made and a court date set.

EllBee

Member since
April 2022

148 posts

Posted Mon September 30, 2024 2:40pmReport post

Crikey, over 4 years you poor things. I thought our nearly 3 years is bad enough. The time we wait for it all to come round should surely (you'd like to think) help with mitigation

Scaredmumof3

Member since
July 2023

100 posts

Posted Thu October 10, 2024 12:13pmReport post

Thank you for your replies..... along with the practicals, I just feel scared to committ to the relationship as he has told me everything (so he says) but I think I am trying to protect myself from the pain of finding out more later (which may or may not happen!).

Though he has stopped the porn (and alcohol), I am still seeing a lot of addictive behaviours such as buying & collecting and still seeing a degree of gaslighting.

Recently he was made redundant so is working on a franchise business and picking up our son from school some days but was then contacted by a recruitment agency about another big job. He sent me a text with a big guesture about it being "my time" to have a career and he would support me etc. NO! I have kindly suggested to him, that he should first decide what he wants to do, and then we will have a conversation together about how to plan based on us both working full time. I know I am being really sensitive but I am not having these decisions being thrown back to me at a later date with a "I did this for you". He is doing this franchise business for him because he can not cope with the stress of a big job (as that drove him to porn) so if that has changed now and he thinks he can go back into the corporate world, he needs to decide and own that!

Holdingthegrenade

Member since
June 2024

149 posts

Posted Thu October 10, 2024 10:18pmReport post

I'm trying to take it a day at a time; trying not to think or second guess what the future holds or think about the past as one upsets me and the other makes me anxious.

Im trying to make happy memories where I can and let my child know I love them and be strong and protect them because I don't know what the future holds but I know I can say I've done my best.