Thoughts please
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This has been brought up on another forum I am a member of, and we are trying to get as many views as possible to see if this is something, as a community, that should be fought against. I will just copy the original post word for word, as I couldn't put it better myself..
Certain professionals are now referring the 'The Knock' as 'The Warrant' and this was led by the police who want to change the narrative. Me personally, hate it because it doesn't actually explain the whole truth and many people suffer from PTSD due to the actual knock on the door not a piece of paper and that's even if they actually give you a warrant as many aren't given a warrant!
It just seems that yet again the professionals want to dictate the narrative of our journeys (example using the term non offending partner) without actually acknowledging the effect the actual 'Knock' has on so many of us.
Have any of you amazingly strong people got any thoughts or comments on this?
Sending love to all x
Certain professionals are now referring the 'The Knock' as 'The Warrant' and this was led by the police who want to change the narrative. Me personally, hate it because it doesn't actually explain the whole truth and many people suffer from PTSD due to the actual knock on the door not a piece of paper and that's even if they actually give you a warrant as many aren't given a warrant!
It just seems that yet again the professionals want to dictate the narrative of our journeys (example using the term non offending partner) without actually acknowledging the effect the actual 'Knock' has on so many of us.
Have any of you amazingly strong people got any thoughts or comments on this?
Sending love to all x
Call it what they want, the knock day was the worst day of my life. In fact all my worst days combined can't touch how traumatic and horrific it was, and I will forever relive the horror of it no matter how they change the name of it. "Ruin your life paperwork" would be the best description in my eyes. But they don't care about the families otherwise this whole process would protect us better, give us therapy from the start and be more supportive on how to live through the long uncertain torturous unknown that can last years. It should also have a fast track process to help us as secondary victims.
Holdingthegrenade.
I agree completely. I feel that we are not thought about at all (that's my kind way of putting it as actually I feel that us families are thought of as subhuman, not deserving any support or kindness).
I send love x
I agree completely. I feel that we are not thought about at all (that's my kind way of putting it as actually I feel that us families are thought of as subhuman, not deserving any support or kindness).
I send love x
Hoping I'm not speaking out of turn. But I sometimes feel people hold such a hatred for this crime, they think how can it possibly happen in a family unnoticed. I want to scream out 'it does'.....
Those left behind need to be shown compassion and understanding not the false facade we get from the police, an act put on, a leaflet or two put in your shaking hand.
In a blink of an eye they go and no one follows up how WE are, how WE cope etc. The thing the police want is a charge then it's bye bye.
All these changing titles just make it a whole lot worse in my opinion.
Those left behind need to be shown compassion and understanding not the false facade we get from the police, an act put on, a leaflet or two put in your shaking hand.
In a blink of an eye they go and no one follows up how WE are, how WE cope etc. The thing the police want is a charge then it's bye bye.
All these changing titles just make it a whole lot worse in my opinion.
I totally agree with you, Smile...
Must admit my first response is that the police can do one!
Don't get me wrong. I hold my 'OH' 100% responsible for what happened to us. I accept that intentionally accessing images of children being abused is a horrific crime (though OH CLAIMS he didn't) and feel a degree of sympathy for police officers working in this area, as it must be utterly traumatising and depressing. But the way they treat the innocent families of those under investigation is appalling. For example in my case the idiots conducting the search took MY laptop and left his. I had to ring them up several hours later to come and collect. I got no apologies, just a surly officer turning up to grab and run. They then refused to return my laptop, which they'd initially agreed to leave. I wasn't given any paperwork at all. I only found that my (not his) pretty expensive DSLR camera had been taken several months later when I went to get it out of a drawer. The OIC won't communicate with me at all (doesn't bother to reply to emails etc), even though 'OH' has given permission. Weirdly I don't like 'the knock' either (not even quite sure why), but I think the police can naff off with their own attempt to control the narrative.
Don't get me wrong. I hold my 'OH' 100% responsible for what happened to us. I accept that intentionally accessing images of children being abused is a horrific crime (though OH CLAIMS he didn't) and feel a degree of sympathy for police officers working in this area, as it must be utterly traumatising and depressing. But the way they treat the innocent families of those under investigation is appalling. For example in my case the idiots conducting the search took MY laptop and left his. I had to ring them up several hours later to come and collect. I got no apologies, just a surly officer turning up to grab and run. They then refused to return my laptop, which they'd initially agreed to leave. I wasn't given any paperwork at all. I only found that my (not his) pretty expensive DSLR camera had been taken several months later when I went to get it out of a drawer. The OIC won't communicate with me at all (doesn't bother to reply to emails etc), even though 'OH' has given permission. Weirdly I don't like 'the knock' either (not even quite sure why), but I think the police can naff off with their own attempt to control the narrative.
Oh I forgot one of the police saying that I didn't seem surprised? Which presumably implied I'd known?????? I think maybe because my first instinct was to be angry with 'OH' and assume he must have done all sorts of really really awful things (which admittedly he may have).
Sad&Scared - that comment was ridiculous - every persons reactions/responses are different - especially when faced with trauma. You can actually nervously laugh in a bad situation for example. It doesn't mean you find it funny - if you see what I mean.
Lets also remember in many cases this journey doesn't always begin with the dreaded 'knock'.... it can rear its ugly head in different ways.....
I always respected the police but my first encounter with them (this journey) resulted in a distrust.
Lets also remember in many cases this journey doesn't always begin with the dreaded 'knock'.... it can rear its ugly head in different ways.....
I always respected the police but my first encounter with them (this journey) resulted in a distrust.
I absolutely couldn't do their job.
firstly because I couldn't look or have anything to do with the photos or reports etc. but also I'm a perfectionist and would have done it better.....they missed a memory stick and a games console which were right in front of them in the living room and had to be pointed out for them to leave anyway. They didn't check the loft just asked what was up there and only just quickly stuck their head in our garage. We don't....but for all they know we could have had a secret computer control room or photography studio up there. The process is massively flawed and takes too long which would not give me job satisfaction.
secondly because I couldn't be the one to break the news to partners and families knowing the impact. As smile & others have said it's absolutely 100% my OH doing and his fault but I couldn't be the one to actually break the news and start off the process that destroys families.
firstly because I couldn't look or have anything to do with the photos or reports etc. but also I'm a perfectionist and would have done it better.....they missed a memory stick and a games console which were right in front of them in the living room and had to be pointed out for them to leave anyway. They didn't check the loft just asked what was up there and only just quickly stuck their head in our garage. We don't....but for all they know we could have had a secret computer control room or photography studio up there. The process is massively flawed and takes too long which would not give me job satisfaction.
secondly because I couldn't be the one to break the news to partners and families knowing the impact. As smile & others have said it's absolutely 100% my OH doing and his fault but I couldn't be the one to actually break the news and start off the process that destroys families.
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Sad and scared
The police said the same to me! I think I was more in shock as I didn't really react. Like others have said people process things and then react differently x
The police said the same to me! I think I was more in shock as I didn't really react. Like others have said people process things and then react differently x
I was also struck by how bad the police were at their jobs. I have a depressing feeling that the cleverest, most determined offenders hardly ever get caught, or get much lighter sentences than they should. The police & courts make a big show of punishing relatively small fry (which is not to excuse the offence) so it looks as if Something Is Being Done.
Though in fairness to individual officers the whole justice system seems to be in a state of near collapse. I suspect at least some of them are very weary and burnt out and I doubt they get enough pyschological support themselves.
Just to add, I guess I don't see the police (or SS) as 'destroying families'. In my eyes my 'OH' did that before they even showed up. And I know there isn't exactly an alternative non-traumatic way for them to their jobs. But I wish there was more respect and communication and consideration for innocent families...especially communication! We should have the right to know certain things at certain stages
Though in fairness to individual officers the whole justice system seems to be in a state of near collapse. I suspect at least some of them are very weary and burnt out and I doubt they get enough pyschological support themselves.
Just to add, I guess I don't see the police (or SS) as 'destroying families'. In my eyes my 'OH' did that before they even showed up. And I know there isn't exactly an alternative non-traumatic way for them to their jobs. But I wish there was more respect and communication and consideration for innocent families...especially communication! We should have the right to know certain things at certain stages
Just to clarify I didn't mean that the police destroy families I don't blame them. It's the whole process and nature of what the offenders have done that causes the harm to their nearest and dearest. But the long uncertain investigation process doesn't help the wellbeing of families. It's frustrating because I wouldn't want anyone to go through this and my overall feeling is that there must be a better way.
I understand this is completely my persons' fault and from the point they did what they did, our lives changed forever. They caused all this. What I meant was I couldn't be the person to break that news. In a similar way that I'd hate to be a doctor breaking the news of a terminal illness. And in a similar way the support and empathy isn't always there for our situations like with a serious diagnosis.
I don't want to attack people just doing their jobs but often the way they do it seems to be focused on protecting the immediate family by my putting safeguarding in place and I think we could all do with more than that. We're coping.....but only just.
I understand this is completely my persons' fault and from the point they did what they did, our lives changed forever. They caused all this. What I meant was I couldn't be the person to break that news. In a similar way that I'd hate to be a doctor breaking the news of a terminal illness. And in a similar way the support and empathy isn't always there for our situations like with a serious diagnosis.
I don't want to attack people just doing their jobs but often the way they do it seems to be focused on protecting the immediate family by my putting safeguarding in place and I think we could all do with more than that. We're coping.....but only just.
I'd be interested to know more around the context they'd be looking to change the term in. I'd definitely agree that "the warrant" doesn't sit well with me either, it implies that an arrest for these crimes is no different from any other warrant issued.
In no way would I ever want to guess the level of trauma anyone else experiences but when a loved one is arrested for other crimes there isn't the same stigma as crimes against children. For me it's that stigma that pushes people like us onto anonymous forums rather than being able to confide in family and friends.
Until the narrative of society becomes one of acceptance for the family around an offender then the terms used by professionals should convey that difference. I don't expect the police to be using the knock when talking within their department but in professional research papers I'd feel more comfortable if they kept it the same as information would be more easily accessible to those who have discovered the term knock. That support or feeling of not being alone is so important xxx
In no way would I ever want to guess the level of trauma anyone else experiences but when a loved one is arrested for other crimes there isn't the same stigma as crimes against children. For me it's that stigma that pushes people like us onto anonymous forums rather than being able to confide in family and friends.
Until the narrative of society becomes one of acceptance for the family around an offender then the terms used by professionals should convey that difference. I don't expect the police to be using the knock when talking within their department but in professional research papers I'd feel more comfortable if they kept it the same as information would be more easily accessible to those who have discovered the term knock. That support or feeling of not being alone is so important xxx
You describe me perfectly there Distressed, I have no one to confide in so rely on our forum and the friendships I have made through it...
4 plain clothes arrived at my door. I thought they had some terrible news of one of the kids or our parents. Of course I let them in.
I was bewildered and shocked by their presence. They arrested OH and said they were searching for devices and asked about a social media app.
The house is a mess, due to a house clearance & a house move of one of our adult kids. I know what pile belongs to who. So I pitied them trying to search, but did explain OH doesn't have access to any devices except his phone, which they had.
Before they left, they said there was support available for people affected by "this kind of thing" should I want it (which confused me, as I'm not affected by this, as hes not done anything ie he's no addiction to porn or interest in children)
I was left triggered by their being here, due to previous police involvement to a traumatic event, of which I'm unsure why our address hadn't flagged it up? Surely they have a duty of care towards the other household members & their wellbeing?
I was bewildered and shocked by their presence. They arrested OH and said they were searching for devices and asked about a social media app.
The house is a mess, due to a house clearance & a house move of one of our adult kids. I know what pile belongs to who. So I pitied them trying to search, but did explain OH doesn't have access to any devices except his phone, which they had.
Before they left, they said there was support available for people affected by "this kind of thing" should I want it (which confused me, as I'm not affected by this, as hes not done anything ie he's no addiction to porn or interest in children)
I was left triggered by their being here, due to previous police involvement to a traumatic event, of which I'm unsure why our address hadn't flagged it up? Surely they have a duty of care towards the other household members & their wellbeing?
"Non offending partner" offends me the most. It'll always be The Knock to me. A warrant can be applied to too many different situations to make it relevant to what we've experienced and also, a warrant is a piece of paper, the knock is a whole action involving human beings.