The relationship change
Notifications OFF
Hello,
this is more of a musing and typing out of my thoughts than anything. New the knock and having many, many thoughts all of the time. It's incredibly overwhelming. We've separated but I'm still in contact for a myriad of reasons, mainly because I believe he needs support and he need therapy and to do some serious work. And I want him to have a space he can discuss it in. How do you cope with knowing they've been arrested for IIOC and still caring for them? I'm having a major morality crisis. I almost want to condemn him to sitting in a box for the next how ever long. But you can't do that. That's not right either. And then I find well chat about something normal and mundane and I feel bad we're not focusing on "the big bad". I'm just so so confused. I think I have a lot to process and I've had my core beliefs challenged in terms of this. I've read through the Lucy faithful pages and I think I'll do the inform course. As I need to to know more to help me process.
I just want to know I'm not alone in the emotional and morality back and forth.
this is more of a musing and typing out of my thoughts than anything. New the knock and having many, many thoughts all of the time. It's incredibly overwhelming. We've separated but I'm still in contact for a myriad of reasons, mainly because I believe he needs support and he need therapy and to do some serious work. And I want him to have a space he can discuss it in. How do you cope with knowing they've been arrested for IIOC and still caring for them? I'm having a major morality crisis. I almost want to condemn him to sitting in a box for the next how ever long. But you can't do that. That's not right either. And then I find well chat about something normal and mundane and I feel bad we're not focusing on "the big bad". I'm just so so confused. I think I have a lot to process and I've had my core beliefs challenged in terms of this. I've read through the Lucy faithful pages and I think I'll do the inform course. As I need to to know more to help me process.
I just want to know I'm not alone in the emotional and morality back and forth.
I feel almost guilty when life feel ordinary and we aren't dealing with the big heavy stuff. I can't square it with the gravity and immorality of what he's done, and how dishonest and disloyal he's been. I definitely feel as though I'm being kinder to him because of the severity of penalty, than if it was sexual messaging with adults. In that scenario he'd be booted out with nothing but rage and arrangements to see the kids, but I'm worrying about him endlessly, making allowances for him left right and centre, and spending precious hours of headspace on making sure he's ok, on top of all the extra horror of what he's done, our kids, the supervision etc. It makes no logical sense.
I have made it very clear to my husband that I will support him but that I may need to reevaluate my decision to remain in the marriage based on the outcome of the investigation, which he understands totally. Slightly different scenario to yours - online communication although he is adamant he didn't know the person was under 18, and no IIOC. Once we are past all this I will then tackle the 'online cheating' element but at the moment I don't have the headspace to deal with that too. My main concern right now is him and his mental health and well-being.
Thank you both for your replies. It's exhausting trying to do the right thing. I feel I'm just staying above water. I just don't for a second want him to think I'm ok with any of this whilst trying to give some form of support. I have stressed if I get blindsighted by anything else I don't know how much I could give at that point. I know I can't begin to trust him at this early point but if get told he's not been honest, I couldn't do it again.
We have separated and I did say that I would continue to support him as he has no one else. But have time has gone on I'm finding myself distancing myself. Partly because I need to get some distance between us and move on with my life and partly because I don't want to give him any hope of a reconciliation.