Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

my advice would be to talk to your husband and ask for full disclosure this will allow you to have access to the evidence further down the line. It's unlikely that you will receive an update before social services get in contact, they will receive minimal information from the officer in charge and will make contact with you to discuss this along with how you can keep your child safe.
I'd advise being cautious in saying that you don't believe he has done this as denial of risk hinders your ability to mitigate any risk. It would be better to say that you're keeping an open mind until you have access to all of the information. Make a family safety plan for supervised contact, this can be supervised by yourself or a trusted family member. It's good to plan for someone else to be able to supervise with you just incase your social worker is against you supervising while they carry out their assessments.

I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. Keep asking questions and reaching out on here and to the helpline. We will all support you xxx

Hi ????

Sorry to hear about this ...is very stressful situation what we all had and long to go still.

I will be very careful to support something that you don't know. I would advise to be having a open conversation with your husband. They don't tell you most of the things as they also believe they have done anything so bad.

My husband only told me half of what he done. I'm waiting to go to court next month to find out the whole scope of his awful doing -(. Sadly they downplay us.

Good luck and we are here to support each other !

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this like the rest of us.

I would just like to play devil's advocate here, please don't take this wrong. However you can never be certain of other people's actions no matter how well you know them. So please be cautious. You need to know facts and the full information. I would also suggest he seeks some help and support through stop it now aswell. The only person you can ever fully trust or know is yourself and yourself only.

If and when SS are involved they will want to be sure that you can safeguard your child. So please make be sure you are aware that you saying your partner hasn't done something is not something to say as they will use this in all your meetings you have with them and also you do not know what he has or hasn't done.

My partner only told me half a story and then fabricated the other half up.

However they will want to assure that you can take care of your childs needs, wellbeing and safeguard them from individuals who are not yourself and how you will and do, do this already.

Nothing is ever fast or easy in this position we are all in, so never feel you are alone and if you have questions please don't hesitate to speak to us or stop it now themselves. They offer many courses and private conversation if you ever have any un answered questions on your mind.

But in the mean time, please look after yourself and your children. Wishing you all the hugs and luck I can.

I agree that you sadly can't know, and I understand thats incredibly hard to hear. I don't yet know if my 'OH' is telling the truth regarding IIOC, but he has admitted to years of sexual infidelity, on and offline. I could never ever have imagined any of it, not in a million years. He was a model husband and father. So I've learnt to be cautious

We're nearly 4 weeks into our nightmare after the knock, and I still stand by my partner and what he's told me. The web chats are one thing to address, but the activity he's been charged of are different. But like others have said, we're still in the very early stages of all of this, and until I find out everything, I need to keep my options and opinions open for social services. We have 2 children that could potentially be at risk, and as their mum, I need to put them first. You need to have hope, but you need to keep your mind open to what comes out later on. Good luck xx

I absolutely get you. We're only 5 weeks in and my OH hasn't seen our son our his step daughter at all yet. We're settling in to a new normal at home but I'm finding it really hard to be the shoulder to cry on for my OH when I'm worried about what will come out later on. Try and focus on getting through one day at a time x

It's important to focus on what you can control, like maintaining a stable environment for yourself and your child. Keep advocating for communication and understanding; things might change as the legal situation develops. Hang in there!

I'm in the same situation. My partner was arrested 7 days ago after a vigilante group came to my door. He was accused of talking to minors and sending pictures to one these were decoys. But again I don't know if there's more.

It was a complete shock and I'm still come to terms with what's going on. He's been released on bail and been told he can't have any contact with the kids but he's not even contacting myself, only his mum and I'm only getting fed information through his mother. He's scared to contact incase it breaches his bail condition. I'm stuck in limbo as well and I just don't know what's going on.