How do we forget
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I was told 5 days ago that the man that I loved for 10 years was just a monster. Not only was he looking but editing photos of a family member! How do I deal with the guilt of not knowing who he was. He won't accept what he his and is denying it all, and trying to blame someone else for his actions. And then after having to deal with all of this, I found his phone that then had other message off a woman I had a gut feeling about. Laughing at me and wanting to be with her because she been everything he's ever looked for. I feel selfish for now being angry about them. My whole world has ended and I don't know what to do, even when our little boy (2) asked whens daddy coming home. I just need to know, when will the pain end and we can all move forward with our life's as a family.
Hi Amialone
Trust me you're not alone in this, not in feeling this way, not in the angry, hurt and mistrust.
One thing you must realise is that these men are very clever and manipulative, they have to be to lead these double lives in secret.
My son to be ex is very similar to yours in as much as it's everyone else's fault but his, apparently mine and my boys!! Luckily I know he's behaving like an absolute idiot and so do those that count to me!!
This whole process is a long drawn out affair which will take you on a journey like no other, the only advice I can give you is to continue to come on here, the support is amazing and no one will ever judge, ring the helpline, it can be hard to get through but keep trying as they are brilliant at knowing processes and giving advice. If you haven't already then get in contact with your GP, even if you don't feel you need any help at the moment you might in the future and you're best to have them lined up for you. If you want to try counselling then do, it's not for everyone and you have to be in that mindset, my counsellor is brilliant and had made me see things in s totally different way which has had me plunging the depths of despair but getting me back up, better and stronger.
Do we ever get over this? I'm 18 months in and am still having days when I don't manage even though my ex has been sentenced but it does get easier as time goes on.
Take care and focus on you and your son xx
Trust me you're not alone in this, not in feeling this way, not in the angry, hurt and mistrust.
One thing you must realise is that these men are very clever and manipulative, they have to be to lead these double lives in secret.
My son to be ex is very similar to yours in as much as it's everyone else's fault but his, apparently mine and my boys!! Luckily I know he's behaving like an absolute idiot and so do those that count to me!!
This whole process is a long drawn out affair which will take you on a journey like no other, the only advice I can give you is to continue to come on here, the support is amazing and no one will ever judge, ring the helpline, it can be hard to get through but keep trying as they are brilliant at knowing processes and giving advice. If you haven't already then get in contact with your GP, even if you don't feel you need any help at the moment you might in the future and you're best to have them lined up for you. If you want to try counselling then do, it's not for everyone and you have to be in that mindset, my counsellor is brilliant and had made me see things in s totally different way which has had me plunging the depths of despair but getting me back up, better and stronger.
Do we ever get over this? I'm 18 months in and am still having days when I don't manage even though my ex has been sentenced but it does get easier as time goes on.
Take care and focus on you and your son xx
I hear you. I feel for you. It's so hard to reconcile the person I knew, with his arrest. I have no idea what he's accused of as he is now my ex. My thoughts run wild. He had photos of my daughter. Ordinary ones. But why? Why would the police ask me to identify my own daughter in photos they had? My emotions run all over the place. From missing him and thinking he's made an innocent mistake. To fear, what was he doing, thinking, maybe even planning.
This is certainly a crazy ride. I know I must attend his court case. To discover these answers. But my gut tells me he's guilty. Of whatever he's accused of. I know, because everything else makes sense.
Life continues. My children and I have never been happier without him. My life is work and my kids. And as a nun that's all I want from my life. To provide for, and protect them. X
This is certainly a crazy ride. I know I must attend his court case. To discover these answers. But my gut tells me he's guilty. Of whatever he's accused of. I know, because everything else makes sense.
Life continues. My children and I have never been happier without him. My life is work and my kids. And as a nun that's all I want from my life. To provide for, and protect them. X
It really is so hard, and the only good thing I can take from it all now is knowing that the family member he did it to has no idea, and we as a family want it to be kept that way!
It just one big dream and I'm going to wake up one morning, but I know that will never happen. Today was the worst because my little boy is sick and all he wanted for was daddy home, and all I could say was daddy's working away for a very long time and won't be back. And he just can't take that in, but he's only a baby...
He's not aloud any contact with me or my son and all I want for is to go into the prison look him in they eyes and ask him why, but I know he's going to deny it all and take it to his grave, because he doesn't want to belive that he is this monster that he's hiding inside.
He needs professional help and with seeing these message, I've now come to realise that over the years he's mentally abused me, and that my sevier social anxiety and depression wasn't down to me being wired (as he'd tell me).. And u just hope that I can make a statement towards him explain that he he is basically a phycopath and he need to be treated for it before he's ever safe to come out (he's never taken the next step to abuse, but with out help I don't know when he would stop, because he's just shut himself off from all emotions)
Thank you both for ur kind words and I feel like just writing it down it helping me come to terms that the love of my life has gone due to him and he was never who I really knew xx
It just one big dream and I'm going to wake up one morning, but I know that will never happen. Today was the worst because my little boy is sick and all he wanted for was daddy home, and all I could say was daddy's working away for a very long time and won't be back. And he just can't take that in, but he's only a baby...
He's not aloud any contact with me or my son and all I want for is to go into the prison look him in they eyes and ask him why, but I know he's going to deny it all and take it to his grave, because he doesn't want to belive that he is this monster that he's hiding inside.
He needs professional help and with seeing these message, I've now come to realise that over the years he's mentally abused me, and that my sevier social anxiety and depression wasn't down to me being wired (as he'd tell me).. And u just hope that I can make a statement towards him explain that he he is basically a phycopath and he need to be treated for it before he's ever safe to come out (he's never taken the next step to abuse, but with out help I don't know when he would stop, because he's just shut himself off from all emotions)
Thank you both for ur kind words and I feel like just writing it down it helping me come to terms that the love of my life has gone due to him and he was never who I really knew xx
Wow your in such a similar position to me. I'm a few months ahead of you and hard as it probably sounds now, you will get through it. My ex is not allowed contact with me or my children either. In one sense I find this hard as I want to hear what he has to say. In the other, it's made the split easier. I go through ups and downs and emotionally you will too. But please be assured, you will settle into a sense of normality again.
Please write on here anytime you need. Every post helps somebody x
Please write on here anytime you need. Every post helps somebody x
Yeah I feel like in my little town I'm the only one going through it, worried about the backlash of it all when it comes out, had the officer on the phone today and even though he was charged he's not sure if hell be convicted because he's going not guilty... And that what's worrying me because for his own mental state he need to be there for the help as he won't admit to what he's done, complete denial of it all, and I would just wish for our little boy and the family member he did it to (even thought they don't know but the mother dose) he'd admit to it so me and him and my family can move farwrd from all of this pain and humiliation.