Preparing to tell family
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Hey all. Does anyone have a template or a good source I can use to prepare myself for telling family members? It hasn’t been determined yet whether the reason OH downloaded illegal videos is due to pedophilia or porn-related issues. Any tips for good analogies that can help people more easily understand something that actually feels impossible to comprehend that someone could do?
There's a good post called welcome to planet knock. It's quite long but you could take some parts from there.
i would focus on how it's been for you and your family rather than exactly what your person has done how you were protecting them from the trauma unanswered questions and stress because knowing doesn't make it any better. Especially with the long waits these things take to come to decisions and conclusions. A lot of people don't realise how rife iioc is and how simple it is to find on the internet how fantasy chat is illegal, 16-18yr olds in a relationship sending each other photos is also iioc. I think there's a massive gap in knowledge & lot of misunderstanding about the range of offences and the people this happens to. You could mention the helpline and forum to support and help them understand and see how many others are in the same club that nobody wants to be in.
i would focus on how it's been for you and your family rather than exactly what your person has done how you were protecting them from the trauma unanswered questions and stress because knowing doesn't make it any better. Especially with the long waits these things take to come to decisions and conclusions. A lot of people don't realise how rife iioc is and how simple it is to find on the internet how fantasy chat is illegal, 16-18yr olds in a relationship sending each other photos is also iioc. I think there's a massive gap in knowledge & lot of misunderstanding about the range of offences and the people this happens to. You could mention the helpline and forum to support and help them understand and see how many others are in the same club that nobody wants to be in.
Knowing what and how to tell family is so difficult. I was in such shock following my sons arrest that I just blurted it out to my mum the following morning without much thought. My poor elderly mum had no one to confide in which on hindsight was unfair if me. My mum kept it quiet for a few weeks before persuading me to tell my sisters. By this time I'd had more time to think. I told them that he'd been arrested and why, that he'd moved back home with me on the night of the arrest and that he could only have contact with his children under supervision.
The reasons why our people do what they do are complex, my sons offence was communication and I learned from him that he'd been communicating on line with adult females on and off for many years. He didn't set out to communicate with an underaged person but sadly he continued to do so on at least one more occasion once he did know. Having gone through psychotherapy he now knows his behaviour was a type of addiction.
I would advise only telling the members of your family that you really trust and then only telling them what you think they can manage to hear and deal with at the time. Over time I shared more details with my family but it was a gradual process.
I wish you all the best.
The reasons why our people do what they do are complex, my sons offence was communication and I learned from him that he'd been communicating on line with adult females on and off for many years. He didn't set out to communicate with an underaged person but sadly he continued to do so on at least one more occasion once he did know. Having gone through psychotherapy he now knows his behaviour was a type of addiction.
I would advise only telling the members of your family that you really trust and then only telling them what you think they can manage to hear and deal with at the time. Over time I shared more details with my family but it was a gradual process.
I wish you all the best.
Thank you Holdingthegrenade and Ocean for the reply. It helped alot <3