Life after this
Notifications OFF
Hi
Just wanted to hear from those who have been convicted if all is starting to go back to normality. Have your partners whether ex or not, now got jobs, attended courses and on the road to recovery?
Just wanted to have a bit of positivity on here.
Just wanted to hear from those who have been convicted if all is starting to go back to normality. Have your partners whether ex or not, now got jobs, attended courses and on the road to recovery?
Just wanted to have a bit of positivity on here.
Hi Rainbow..
Its now 14 months since conviction and 21 months since the knock. My partner is still unemployed after applying for 10's of jobs. He's applied for the most mundane such as cleaning to delivery of fast food. As soon as his record is asked he's told NO. It appears that anyone with a sex conviction is beyond redemption by society.
He is now accepting that he will never work again taking into account that his crime will not be classed as 'spent' for a minimum of 5 years and that the SHPO is a separate conviction in its self which must be declared. Its very sad, its the only blemish after 40 years and unfortunately it will be the only one society will remember. As for family, none of his children speak anymore and he has not seen his grandchildren in 2 years. The majority of his brothers and sisters have also disowned him.
He is now and always will be Persona Non Gratia
Its now 14 months since conviction and 21 months since the knock. My partner is still unemployed after applying for 10's of jobs. He's applied for the most mundane such as cleaning to delivery of fast food. As soon as his record is asked he's told NO. It appears that anyone with a sex conviction is beyond redemption by society.
He is now accepting that he will never work again taking into account that his crime will not be classed as 'spent' for a minimum of 5 years and that the SHPO is a separate conviction in its self which must be declared. Its very sad, its the only blemish after 40 years and unfortunately it will be the only one society will remember. As for family, none of his children speak anymore and he has not seen his grandchildren in 2 years. The majority of his brothers and sisters have also disowned him.
He is now and always will be Persona Non Gratia
Our life is ok, my partner kept his job, we live as a family, he recieved help and counselling, our family and friends have supported both of us. I feel we are incredibly luckily, he is incredibly luckily to have not lost everything. He was convicted of attempting to commit a communication offence, life on the sex offenders register isn't always easy, life has changed but thankfully not too much. I fought hard and so did he to not let this ruin our lives, I'm so grateful to have amazing and supportive family and friends. Not everyone know but our close family and friends do. We have had amazing support from professional too (perhaps not social services to start with). We have come a very long way in a short time, I think our life is pretty good. It takes work and effort, I think we are both better people, more understanding people and we appreciate the small things in life after all this. Sometimes the worst times in life bring out the best in people, show you what and who you truly value in life.
Hi Maria
That is nice to read a not happy ending story but one that is not a bad ending either!
I think it's is so important if they can keep their jobs, did your husband tell his employers? My partner does not work with children, he works in finance, but it is the stigma of what he has done, will they be prepared to keep him on!
Did you have any media coverage? That is very very worrying to me, we are still in the investigation stage.
Thanks
Mabel x x x
That is nice to read a not happy ending story but one that is not a bad ending either!
I think it's is so important if they can keep their jobs, did your husband tell his employers? My partner does not work with children, he works in finance, but it is the stigma of what he has done, will they be prepared to keep him on!
Did you have any media coverage? That is very very worrying to me, we are still in the investigation stage.
Thanks
Mabel x x x
Hi snowdrops. I'm so sorry to hear it's not going as well as expected. I really hope things turn round for you. It's hard enough being I this situation without all these things too. Has your husband applied with agencies? I'm not really sure what else to suggest as I'm sure you've tried everything. X
Maria glad to hear things are getting back to normality. Did you say your husband is working? X
Maria glad to hear things are getting back to normality. Did you say your husband is working? X
Rainbow.. Thank you for the reply. Yes he's signed up to different agencies and regularly searches the internet himself. It's very sad that his family and close relatives have disowned him. My family have been completely the opposite which was a relief and a blessing as I was petrified of them doing the same to me.
We are both determined to move forward. Our lives are now changed forever but the past will not define the future. He's doing everything possible to show he has changed.
We are both determined to move forward. Our lives are now changed forever but the past will not define the future. He's doing everything possible to show he has changed.
Hi snowdrops
It's nice to hear you are determined. Its things like this that show how strong we are. Dont give up as something will come along. Do you have children? Does your partner live with you? It's been over 2 years for me and I still dont know what to do. At the moment I'm keeping it as normal as possible and trying to enjoy life as much as possible x
It's nice to hear you are determined. Its things like this that show how strong we are. Dont give up as something will come along. Do you have children? Does your partner live with you? It's been over 2 years for me and I still dont know what to do. At the moment I'm keeping it as normal as possible and trying to enjoy life as much as possible x
Hi Rainbow..
Partner still lives with me. Its not been easy having to deal with his dark secret although I was aware of his casual interest in porn. He has three adult children and grandchildren. Sadly they have all disowned him and he hasn't seen or spoken to them since his initial arrest and the full disclosure he gave to them individually.
I have two adult children and grandchildren. They have been supportive from the beginning of this nightmare which truly is a blessing. My partner has decided not to see the children as he does not want to cause issues with SS. He hopes one day his own children will forgive him but that's completely in their hands as he has said that ALL of his privileges of being a Dad and Grandad were lost when he was arrested.
I know we can get through this... It might sound a cliché but I married him... Better or for worse.... He's certainly tested this principle.
Partner still lives with me. Its not been easy having to deal with his dark secret although I was aware of his casual interest in porn. He has three adult children and grandchildren. Sadly they have all disowned him and he hasn't seen or spoken to them since his initial arrest and the full disclosure he gave to them individually.
I have two adult children and grandchildren. They have been supportive from the beginning of this nightmare which truly is a blessing. My partner has decided not to see the children as he does not want to cause issues with SS. He hopes one day his own children will forgive him but that's completely in their hands as he has said that ALL of his privileges of being a Dad and Grandad were lost when he was arrested.
I know we can get through this... It might sound a cliché but I married him... Better or for worse.... He's certainly tested this principle.
Yeah it is really hard but sounds like he understands and respects the safeguarding aspect.
Hopefully things will get better. I just find that us as partners dont get any help and all we are told by ss is to separate but in reality how can you tell kids they cant see their dad etc. Its hard x
Hopefully things will get better. I just find that us as partners dont get any help and all we are told by ss is to separate but in reality how can you tell kids they cant see their dad etc. Its hard x
Thank you snowdrop and Maria for sharing your stories, it's always reassuring to hear from people who have come out the other side. We're 2 months post sentencing and slowly finding our way in our new life, I can't say it's been easy, some days it really does get me down and others it's almost like nothing is different.