Just can’t please SS
Notifications OFF
Another bad day with social services
they're pressurising me to tell my child mum and dad not living together means we've separated and what that means relationship wise.
I've already had to tell my child so much more information than we thought was appropriate his age and which upset him and left him distraught and clingy for days.
How do I get across that my child doesn't NEED to know finer detail which will certainly leave them upset, stressed and unhappy and full of questions I can't answer. My child gets what's going on and we've finally managed a way to make this work where my child is safe, his dad sees him fully supervised. Why change it when it's working? Nothing has changed he's except my child is coping now and is settled into our new weird normal.
I don't even know how to explain this messed up relationship myself! Were separated but my child loves their dad and they have a close bond. He wants to see him every day and me and the others who supervise are happy to facilitate that even if it means I do have to "host" the visits as my child is primary school age.
They want this to stop but haven't explained practically how this would work without completely disrupting my child's routine or his dad just not able to see him at all.
i feel like I just can't win.
they're pressurising me to tell my child mum and dad not living together means we've separated and what that means relationship wise.
I've already had to tell my child so much more information than we thought was appropriate his age and which upset him and left him distraught and clingy for days.
How do I get across that my child doesn't NEED to know finer detail which will certainly leave them upset, stressed and unhappy and full of questions I can't answer. My child gets what's going on and we've finally managed a way to make this work where my child is safe, his dad sees him fully supervised. Why change it when it's working? Nothing has changed he's except my child is coping now and is settled into our new weird normal.
I don't even know how to explain this messed up relationship myself! Were separated but my child loves their dad and they have a close bond. He wants to see him every day and me and the others who supervise are happy to facilitate that even if it means I do have to "host" the visits as my child is primary school age.
They want this to stop but haven't explained practically how this would work without completely disrupting my child's routine or his dad just not able to see him at all.
i feel like I just can't win.
They can't make you tell your child anything. You are perfectly entitled to just say no, and say you are making your decisions based on what you believe to be your child's best interests right now.
I would encourage to you ask the SW why they believe your child needs to be told immediately - they might have a rationale you haven't considered. If you find phone or direct conversations with the SW difficult/pressurising, you can request they give the rationale in writing to give more time to process and consider the information.
If you are certain that the relationship is over for good, then of course at some point you will need to tell your child, but you clearly need time to think about how and when you will do this. If actually you are not sure what the future holds, then hanging on for a bit until you've figured it out is clearly necessary.
I would encourage to you ask the SW why they believe your child needs to be told immediately - they might have a rationale you haven't considered. If you find phone or direct conversations with the SW difficult/pressurising, you can request they give the rationale in writing to give more time to process and consider the information.
If you are certain that the relationship is over for good, then of course at some point you will need to tell your child, but you clearly need time to think about how and when you will do this. If actually you are not sure what the future holds, then hanging on for a bit until you've figured it out is clearly necessary.
Hi,
to be honest it sounds more like they don't want contact to happen so much as they think you'll rekindle the relationship if you see each other often. I'd suggest that there are plenty of separated parents of primary school aged children who see each other most days for the sake of their children having a relationship with both of them.
If your child is safe and settled then I would definitely push back and say that if your child asks what the situation is then you'll tell them rather than creating a problems for yourself and your child by forcing a conversation before either of you are ready xxx
to be honest it sounds more like they don't want contact to happen so much as they think you'll rekindle the relationship if you see each other often. I'd suggest that there are plenty of separated parents of primary school aged children who see each other most days for the sake of their children having a relationship with both of them.
If your child is safe and settled then I would definitely push back and say that if your child asks what the situation is then you'll tell them rather than creating a problems for yourself and your child by forcing a conversation before either of you are ready xxx
I hope you're right, they've forced us to tell my child things in the past I was not happy were age appropriate and that would distress them, they have also threatened us with court orders, removed access and imposed further restrictions when we have previously asked for reasons for decisions.