I can't grieve
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I lost my dad earlier this year.
The half of him that was my dad, who cared for me, supported me and loved me I miss. The half of him that was a monster, a paedophile I detest.
I can't grieve. At times I feel overwhelmed with sadness - I welcome that sadness and would love to spend a week crying my eyes out and letting my dad go but I can't. As soon as I start to feel sad a voice inside reminds me of the monster he was, the evil he did and, God forgive me, that he deserves what he got. The guilt I feel when that happens is awful.
I don't know what to do. I can't get passed this its been months.
Thanks for reading.
The half of him that was my dad, who cared for me, supported me and loved me I miss. The half of him that was a monster, a paedophile I detest.
I can't grieve. At times I feel overwhelmed with sadness - I welcome that sadness and would love to spend a week crying my eyes out and letting my dad go but I can't. As soon as I start to feel sad a voice inside reminds me of the monster he was, the evil he did and, God forgive me, that he deserves what he got. The guilt I feel when that happens is awful.
I don't know what to do. I can't get passed this its been months.
Thanks for reading.
I wanted to respond as I am literally the same as you. About a month ago my dad was here at my house when my mum phoned him saying he had to go home police were there. I’ve never seen him again yet. They said they know he’s been looking at indecent images and took all of his devices, but now just sort of said we are all to get on with life and it could take up to a year to know the depth of it? My dad, and amazing grandad to my three young children all of a sudden seems this totally different person to me now. I miss who I thought my dad was but I can’t get past the things he must have seen and kept going back to see. I just can’t. But like you I feel guilt. This really is just the hardest thing ever.