Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

what plan are you currently on with ss? They can move things along before trial by doing assessments on your capability to protect and having an independent assessment of your OH to determine the risk to your child if he were to move back into the home. Have you done any courses around risk and safeguarding?



Something that is worth considering about a not guilty plea and trial is that if he is found guilty the penalty will be harsher than pleading guilty at the earliest opportunity. I'm mentioning this because should your OH be found guilty and be sentenced to a custodial then this will impact your child if they have been reintroduced to living together. Also if he ends up with a SHPO with contact restrictions this may mean moving out again.



Ss like to wait until after sentencing as it gives them access to more information and essentially passes the decision on to other agencies like probation or offender management xxx

I really really would tell your 7yo an age appropriate version of the truth (the LFF helpline or people on here could help with the wording). I'm saying this as a parent whose youngest was 8 when this all kicked off, but also as someone who grew up being lied to about certain important things by (mostly!) well-intentioned adults. In my case it was parental addiction issues and mental instability and the adults inquestion mostly wanted to shelter me, but its left me with trust issues and has hurt relationships with family. Kids are sharper than we think and know on some level that they're being lied to, which won't help with the anxiety. It certainly didn't for me! I really distinctly remember knowing at age 7 / 8 / 9 that Bad Things were happening and Worse Things could happen, and that the adults in my life weren't telling me things, so I imagined all sorts. In our case my now 9yo has a good relationship with his dad, who he sees regularly supervised by me (we're separated, 13 months in and still waiting on forensics). He knows from me and from his dad the age appropriate basics and that his dad claims he didn't want or ask for the thing he was sent. I know we'll have another hurdle to jump if it turns out his dad has lied, which is hard.

Sorry this is a tangent, but I also think SS will be more favourable if you're seen as open with your child in an age appropriate way, as they see her as safer once she has that knowledge and see you as being protective.