What / Why?
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We had "the knock" on Friday.
They arrested my OH, & took his phone.
We've been together 16 years, with a number of kids from previous relationships, all aged between 20-35 years old, some still living at home.
The 2 remaining officers were searching for other devices. OH doesn't have access to a computer, laptop or tablet.
They took an old phone.
We were left in the dark after they left.
OH returned, having got 3 month conditional bail.
1 cat C image, on a social media app that he once had. He can't remember such image.
We've been through a really awful few years, with those events making us so strong as a couple, but now this has put a big dark cloud over us.
I feel numb
They arrested my OH, & took his phone.
We've been together 16 years, with a number of kids from previous relationships, all aged between 20-35 years old, some still living at home.
The 2 remaining officers were searching for other devices. OH doesn't have access to a computer, laptop or tablet.
They took an old phone.
We were left in the dark after they left.
OH returned, having got 3 month conditional bail.
1 cat C image, on a social media app that he once had. He can't remember such image.
We've been through a really awful few years, with those events making us so strong as a couple, but now this has put a big dark cloud over us.
I feel numb
Hi,
I'm sorry you find yourself here. I've posted some advice around hiring an independent company to do their own forensic analysis on whatever device the police say the image is attached to. There are ways of checking if it was ever viewed. The police process can be lengthy but it's something to consider further down the line xxx
I'm sorry you find yourself here. I've posted some advice around hiring an independent company to do their own forensic analysis on whatever device the police say the image is attached to. There are ways of checking if it was ever viewed. The police process can be lengthy but it's something to consider further down the line xxx
Thank you, distressed & pregnant.
We know what photos are on his device (not just camera roll) , & he's no idea what this image they're talking about has come from, to be on his account, on an app he no longer has. We're just going to have to see what forensics say about how it's got there, which feels like torture having to live with being suspected of something , when he's not done anything.
I'm also confused, as to why bail conditions say no contact with under 18's on messaging etc, as I read the law says, imaging offences aren't contact offences?
Also, I was left paperwork confirming they'd taken his phone. Nothing confirming they'd taken his old phone?
We know what photos are on his device (not just camera roll) , & he's no idea what this image they're talking about has come from, to be on his account, on an app he no longer has. We're just going to have to see what forensics say about how it's got there, which feels like torture having to live with being suspected of something , when he's not done anything.
I'm also confused, as to why bail conditions say no contact with under 18's on messaging etc, as I read the law says, imaging offences aren't contact offences?
Also, I was left paperwork confirming they'd taken his phone. Nothing confirming they'd taken his old phone?
Ok the bad news is that the timeframes are just incredibly long. My 'OH' (we've separated) has been waiting 13 months on forensics, with the OIC refusing to be pinned down on a timeframe. Its just grim. Assuming your OH is telling the truth (sorry - they don't necessarily!) a good lawyer could make a big difference. I agree about getting your own forensics too if you can afford it. None of this is cheap :-(
I'm happy to tell you the lawyer 'OH' is using if you want to DM.
Sorry to be the bearer of so much bad news.....
I'm happy to tell you the lawyer 'OH' is using if you want to DM.
Sorry to be the bearer of so much bad news.....
Hi Sad and scared,
Could you also please share details of the lawyer you are using with me? I tried to DM you but it says my messages are not activated?? I'm not sure if this means you can't message me either though?
thank you so much!
Could you also please share details of the lawyer you are using with me? I tried to DM you but it says my messages are not activated?? I'm not sure if this means you can't message me either though?
thank you so much!
Sad&Scared - yes the timeframes, from what I've read on here, seem awfully long! We unfortunately don't have the money to afford something like that.
I 100% believe him, as I could hear some of what the police were saying to him, & from what they asked me & were searching for, tied in with what he said on his return. 1 image on a well known social app, he no longer has.
I do understand what you're saying about men can lie about things, I'm not naive to that, but based on the above, plus our circumstances, situation, living conditions, lifestyle, privacy, internet usage, tech ability, health etc, I don't have reasons to not back him.
We know exactly what photos are on his device, as we're involved in weekly themed photo challenges, at our family gatherings.
But now he's made to feel guilty of something he's not done, ie it's suggesting he's gone out to search for indecent images of children to share. We're at a loss as to how or why an image of concern is there.
I 100% believe him, as I could hear some of what the police were saying to him, & from what they asked me & were searching for, tied in with what he said on his return. 1 image on a well known social app, he no longer has.
I do understand what you're saying about men can lie about things, I'm not naive to that, but based on the above, plus our circumstances, situation, living conditions, lifestyle, privacy, internet usage, tech ability, health etc, I don't have reasons to not back him.
We know exactly what photos are on his device, as we're involved in weekly themed photo challenges, at our family gatherings.
But now he's made to feel guilty of something he's not done, ie it's suggesting he's gone out to search for indecent images of children to share. We're at a loss as to how or why an image of concern is there.
A week has passed since the knock.
OH was at the station seven hours. He had a solicitor and gave a no comment interview.
Based on the police search and questions, which tie in with what OH told me what the police accused him of, I 100% believe him.
We both know the photos on his phone, due to weekly searching the whole gallery. There is no photo matching the description they gave.
What is the process of the police checking the devices? Do they scrutinise all the photos anyway? What about my granddaughter in the bath, or his daughter and her friends on the beach? Innocent family photos could be taken totally out of context and used against him?
OH was at the station seven hours. He had a solicitor and gave a no comment interview.
Based on the police search and questions, which tie in with what OH told me what the police accused him of, I 100% believe him.
We both know the photos on his phone, due to weekly searching the whole gallery. There is no photo matching the description they gave.
What is the process of the police checking the devices? Do they scrutinise all the photos anyway? What about my granddaughter in the bath, or his daughter and her friends on the beach? Innocent family photos could be taken totally out of context and used against him?
It's seems mad, that the police come, arrest, search, then you hear nothing!
I fully understand that some men do have issues around addictions, and that their person has found images or messages or search history, so they've reported them, or that intelligence has discovered images or conversations, and they've admitted to this.
These men need help to understand why. And the people who actually film/photograph the under 18's should be the ones targeted. Yet we barely hear about it. Plus the girls who lie about their ages on social media profiles,
But some men have no idea of any images, until it's said something has been flagged up, and due to a shared link or image in a group chat, or a closed pop up, or a legitimate download, an image has attached itself unbeknown to them.
The knock, leaves everyone under suspicion. And yet they leave you in the dark, no follow up.
I fully understand that some men do have issues around addictions, and that their person has found images or messages or search history, so they've reported them, or that intelligence has discovered images or conversations, and they've admitted to this.
These men need help to understand why. And the people who actually film/photograph the under 18's should be the ones targeted. Yet we barely hear about it. Plus the girls who lie about their ages on social media profiles,
But some men have no idea of any images, until it's said something has been flagged up, and due to a shared link or image in a group chat, or a closed pop up, or a legitimate download, an image has attached itself unbeknown to them.
The knock, leaves everyone under suspicion. And yet they leave you in the dark, no follow up.
hi marvel
So sorry to hear you are in this mess, like many of us :(
The sad reality is that the number of arrests are so high, and the process for investigation can be so lengthy. The police may have done an initial check but that doesn't mean they crack on further from arrest. May sit with forensics for ages before they continue.
Form my experience no matter of chasing and asking updates gets the process quicker. So it is all a waiting game.
In the meantime it might be worth your OH reflecting on his online habits to see how he might have got in this mess. Lucy faithful have great resources on how and why people find themselves finding iiocs. The no contact clause is a precaution untill the police are certain it isn't more iiocs.
Just have to play by the book, keep his head down etc.
The forum I hope will help, even if it is to sound off your frustrations.
Big hugs!
So sorry to hear you are in this mess, like many of us :(
The sad reality is that the number of arrests are so high, and the process for investigation can be so lengthy. The police may have done an initial check but that doesn't mean they crack on further from arrest. May sit with forensics for ages before they continue.
Form my experience no matter of chasing and asking updates gets the process quicker. So it is all a waiting game.
In the meantime it might be worth your OH reflecting on his online habits to see how he might have got in this mess. Lucy faithful have great resources on how and why people find themselves finding iiocs. The no contact clause is a precaution untill the police are certain it isn't more iiocs.
Just have to play by the book, keep his head down etc.
The forum I hope will help, even if it is to sound off your frustrations.
Big hugs!
The feelings of loneliness, isolation, shock, trauma, grief, stigma, shame, hurt and rage forced upon us are extreme, and like no other. But you are not alone.
Having been where you are, I can also assure there is life on the other side. I thought for a long time that I would never again experience happiness. But that's proved not to be the case. There is lots for you to look forward to, and you may even find some unexpected silver linings to the darkest clouds.
As well as this forum and LFF, when you feel the time is right for you, you may find it useful to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful. Specific support for children with a parent in prison.
Children Heard and Seen: support for children with a parent in prison and their families.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
PACT: The Prison Advice & Care Trust (Pact) is a charity which supports people affected by imprisonment, providing practical and emotional support to prisoners’ children and families, and to prisoners themselves. Free confidential helpline for prisoners’ families and friends (0808 808 2003).
Prisoners families helpline: free, confidential support and advice for families in England and Wales who have a loved one in contact with the criminal justice system.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
Having been where you are, I can also assure there is life on the other side. I thought for a long time that I would never again experience happiness. But that's proved not to be the case. There is lots for you to look forward to, and you may even find some unexpected silver linings to the darkest clouds.
As well as this forum and LFF, when you feel the time is right for you, you may find it useful to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful. Specific support for children with a parent in prison.
Children Heard and Seen: support for children with a parent in prison and their families.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
PACT: The Prison Advice & Care Trust (Pact) is a charity which supports people affected by imprisonment, providing practical and emotional support to prisoners’ children and families, and to prisoners themselves. Free confidential helpline for prisoners’ families and friends (0808 808 2003).
Prisoners families helpline: free, confidential support and advice for families in England and Wales who have a loved one in contact with the criminal justice system.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
Thanks Buckets
We literally have no idea how the image is there.
The only device he has is a phone. It's not got a large memory, hence he removed unwanted apps, to install ones he needed.
16 years ago, when we began dating, having both had 2 long term relationships, kids and a handful of partners, we had an open discussion about our sex lives, due to a jealous ex trying to stir things. On child free weekends, we'd look at an online legitimate porn site, but quickly stopped it, as we worried the kids may find the search history. So we stuck with our dvds, toys and clothing instead.
The only thing he uses is YouTube, to find train videos to watch (he's obsessed) or 80's music. Sometimes he gets a pop up which he closes. Perhaps it's come via this?
We literally have no idea how the image is there.
The only device he has is a phone. It's not got a large memory, hence he removed unwanted apps, to install ones he needed.
16 years ago, when we began dating, having both had 2 long term relationships, kids and a handful of partners, we had an open discussion about our sex lives, due to a jealous ex trying to stir things. On child free weekends, we'd look at an online legitimate porn site, but quickly stopped it, as we worried the kids may find the search history. So we stuck with our dvds, toys and clothing instead.
The only thing he uses is YouTube, to find train videos to watch (he's obsessed) or 80's music. Sometimes he gets a pop up which he closes. Perhaps it's come via this?
He has 3 months conditional bail.
Thankfully no SS and he can remain living at home, as our kids (we don't have any together, but have our own and step kids) are all 20-35 years old, some living at home, just a handful of grandchildren under 18, who we only see 1-2 times a month.
The conditions -
'no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18'
'not to have any contact with any child under the age of 18 on social media, phone or message apps, or the internet'
Intelligence lead them to arrest for 1 image on a public profile. As it's an image offence, not a messaging/contact offence, wondering why the 2nd condition has been applied? I've read it's standard procedure, but can be challenged?
Also, how do these conditions work in everyday life? Am I to accompany him to the shops? On a walk? On a train journey? What about the cinema or meal out? Can we do these things or should he be avoiding everything?
Thankfully no SS and he can remain living at home, as our kids (we don't have any together, but have our own and step kids) are all 20-35 years old, some living at home, just a handful of grandchildren under 18, who we only see 1-2 times a month.
The conditions -
'no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18'
'not to have any contact with any child under the age of 18 on social media, phone or message apps, or the internet'
Intelligence lead them to arrest for 1 image on a public profile. As it's an image offence, not a messaging/contact offence, wondering why the 2nd condition has been applied? I've read it's standard procedure, but can be challenged?
Also, how do these conditions work in everyday life? Am I to accompany him to the shops? On a walk? On a train journey? What about the cinema or meal out? Can we do these things or should he be avoiding everything?
Hi Marvel
my husband is on conditional bail and isn't allowed any contact with persons under 18.
it basically means he can't go anywhere where children are likely to be (playgrounds/swimming pools/schools/zoo etc). He also can't see the grandkids.
he can go shopping to tesco, go into town to do banking/shopping/pub lunch/normal life
in other words they can't stop him living as normally as possible and just to not purposely put himself where children may be.
We had to cancel a couple of camping trips as kids may have been present (also the OIC would have called the campsite to let them know he was under investigation, and what for).
hope that gives some clarification x
my husband is on conditional bail and isn't allowed any contact with persons under 18.
it basically means he can't go anywhere where children are likely to be (playgrounds/swimming pools/schools/zoo etc). He also can't see the grandkids.
he can go shopping to tesco, go into town to do banking/shopping/pub lunch/normal life
in other words they can't stop him living as normally as possible and just to not purposely put himself where children may be.
We had to cancel a couple of camping trips as kids may have been present (also the OIC would have called the campsite to let them know he was under investigation, and what for).
hope that gives some clarification x
Thank you lostinthewoods.
That helps clarify things - it's mostly the shopping/banking/town/pub lunch that we do. With having adult kids, thankfully playgrounds/pools/schools are not situations he would find himself in.
For us, our grandchildren don't live near. We plan our visit when we go to the large shopping complex. We visit our adult child, their OH and grandchildren for tea at their house. It's usually just a sit around the table and relax on the sofa afterwards. Are we not allowed to visit? Even though there would be 4 of us adults v 2 under 7's?
That helps clarify things - it's mostly the shopping/banking/town/pub lunch that we do. With having adult kids, thankfully playgrounds/pools/schools are not situations he would find himself in.
For us, our grandchildren don't live near. We plan our visit when we go to the large shopping complex. We visit our adult child, their OH and grandchildren for tea at their house. It's usually just a sit around the table and relax on the sofa afterwards. Are we not allowed to visit? Even though there would be 4 of us adults v 2 under 7's?
There is nothing to stop you visiting the grandchildren, but if the police become aware of it, they might insist on disclosing to the parents. If you don't want them to know what has happened, it may be safer for him to stay away for now. If they already know, then you are covered.
Thank you.
All our adult children are fully aware, as OH has nothing to hide.
All our adult children are fully aware, as OH has nothing to hide.
Marvel - in our case he is not allowed any contact with under 18s
We took this to mean that grandkids are off limits even though the parents are all aware.
Eldest is 17 so social services have closed that case and we barely see them anyway
The younger two are 12 and 9 and SS have spoken to parents.
The last thing we want to do is break bail conditions so although he misses seeing them terribly, he has accepted that it's for the best - going to be a very quiet Xmas this year
We took this to mean that grandkids are off limits even though the parents are all aware.
Eldest is 17 so social services have closed that case and we barely see them anyway
The younger two are 12 and 9 and SS have spoken to parents.
The last thing we want to do is break bail conditions so although he misses seeing them terribly, he has accepted that it's for the best - going to be a very quiet Xmas this year
Marvel yours is "no unsupervised contact" so this means as long as there are other adults there you should be fine. But if in doubt ask the OIC.
Hi Marvel, I'm sorry you and your OH have found yourself in this situation.
Your person has a 'no unsupervised contact' restriction rather than a 'no contact' restriction. There is a big difference between the two. Basically your person can go any where and mix with anyone as long as he's supervised by someone who knows the details behind his restriction.
How are you both doing? The early weeks and months on this journey are horrendous but it does get easier as time goes by.
Your person has a 'no unsupervised contact' restriction rather than a 'no contact' restriction. There is a big difference between the two. Basically your person can go any where and mix with anyone as long as he's supervised by someone who knows the details behind his restriction.
How are you both doing? The early weeks and months on this journey are horrendous but it does get easier as time goes by.
Marvel I'm actually here right now for support after a knock and arrest for my partner but a few years ago I had a knock for my son. He was 14 at the time, the police only wanted to view his phone. similarly they knew the app they wanted to look at and my son had deleted that account but had a new one. They asked him questions which he could answer with quite good detail including approx dates. Hard to forget when he was so worried about what was sent to him. He never came to me at the time and I know all his stress could have been prevented if he had. They didn't take his device that day and we never heard from them again. I suppose with him being 13 at the time it happened was a big factor in the polices actions that day, him having to see this all over again now is agony, I know many people are very guilty of these crimes so have to have an open mind but he's adamant it's an awful mistake just as it was for him. It's not his biological dad and he totally understands why currently he can't be at home.
I agree it is 100% entirely plausible that police attend and investigate one image that is flagged from an apps intelligence. they will want to be sure there are not others.
having this experience myself has honestly given me no idea of what to expect with my partners investigation. I don't feel confident it's a similar situation despite all the details seeming so.
I hope you can move on from this and the outcome is good. It's really an unimaginable situation to be in
I agree it is 100% entirely plausible that police attend and investigate one image that is flagged from an apps intelligence. they will want to be sure there are not others.
having this experience myself has honestly given me no idea of what to expect with my partners investigation. I don't feel confident it's a similar situation despite all the details seeming so.
I hope you can move on from this and the outcome is good. It's really an unimaginable situation to be in