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Sentenced - anxiety and depression

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Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

30 posts

Posted Sat October 12, 2024 11:28pmReport post

Hi - is there anyone here that actually has a partner who's been sentenced?



My partner has been sentenced to 7 years (to serve 3.5).



He's only been gone 1 month so far, and the anxiety I already feel is unbearable. Please, someone say they felt the same and started to feel better over time.



I feel like neither of us have any hope at this point in time, and the feelings I'm having are stopping me from functioning as a normal human being currently. I just want to wait to feel better and it all to go away, but I've got two children, trying to start a business and I just feel like I'm drowning.



Sorry to whinge - no one else really understands and I don't have many people to talk to for very obvious reasons.



L x

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2599 posts

Posted Sun October 13, 2024 5:37amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Tue October 15, 2024 5:44pm

InTatters

Member since
June 2022

175 posts

Posted Sun October 13, 2024 9:40amReport post

Hi, trust me, you are not alone (however isolated and lonely you may feel). Lots and lots and lots of people on here are associated with people who have been sentenced for their offences - whether that's a custodial sentence in prison, a suspended sentence, community order or other.

Many people using this forum have experience of custodial sentence (in prison). My person was sentenced to a custodial sentence of three years. He served 1.5 years in prison, and is now completing his sentence on licence. The prison experience is not easy, but every day is a day forward. There seems to be mixed experience of rehabilitation, support, care, learning, structure, useful activity etc while inside - there is no consistency. Our experience was that it was non-existent! On release my person was given in a place in approved premises. In that time, he secured a good job (better paid than he was previously earning!!) and that meant he could rent privately.

It's big, scary and not an experience any of us expect to have to deal with in our lives, but you will all be OK. You really will.

If you haven't already accessed, you will find 'www.emailaprisoner' and 'prisonvoicemail.com' really easy-to-use and valuable ways to keep in touch.

Other resources include:

Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.

Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful. Specific support for children with a parent in prison.

Children Heard and Seen: support for children with a parent in prison and their families.

Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.

PACT: The Prison Advice & Care Trust (Pact) is a charity which supports people affected by imprisonment, providing practical and emotional support to prisoners’ children and families, and to prisoners themselves. Free confidential helpline for prisoners’ families and friends (0808 808 2003).

Prisoners families helpline: free, confidential support and advice for families in England and Wales who have a loved one in contact with the criminal justice system.

SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.

Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.

StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.

Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.

Edited Sun October 13, 2024 9:41am

worried mum

Member since
July 2021

16 posts

Posted Sun October 13, 2024 3:08pmReport post

Hi

My son was only sentenced on Wednesday so I'm right at the beginning of this new journey. He is struggling to adjust at the moment and he has ASD which doesn't help. I also feel really anxious and worried but have found that being proactive and setting up email a prisoner and the voicemail service has helped a little. The prison let him call finally yesterday which was amazing hearing his voice again. Hopefully tomorrow they will set up his phone in his cell so he can call me, once the security call has been made. I did have to call to report that he was struggling and the prison officer that called me back to reassure me was really kind. he was only supposed to have 2 minutes to talk yesterday but they allowed him five...He did say he would be moving to a catagory C prison soon (not sure what that means) as he is in a holding prison atm. I think it will take a period of adjustment for us both and although the awful draining worrying about the sentence has gone there is a whole range of new worries and anxiety in its place. Keep in touch with this forum I have found it invaluable in coping over the last 3 years 4 months, it's full of reassurance and advice.

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

30 posts

Posted Sun October 13, 2024 6:46pmReport post

Thank you all - it's reassuring to know that there is light at the, what currently feels like, never ending tunnel. I just feel like I'm not coping with this situation in the slightest right now, but I do hope and feel blessed to hear that it does indeed get better.



I've personally had an ex partner (12 years ago) that went to prison for a different offence, and this time it just feels like history repeating itself. He is such a caring person, and it breaks my heart to hear he just wants to be at home with me, and not stuck inside a room which is how I feel currently too. I keep reminding myself "I can't do the time with him", but the anxiety feeling at the moment is keeping me in one place, feeling unable to truly move forward with the "new normal" way of living.



He's calling twice a day for 45 minutes each time, sending letters, and asking me to book in for every 2 weeks of visits. I love him and want to talk to him/see him as much as possible, but I feel like I'm breaking inside and it makes me want to run away from it all completely currently, for my own sanity.



It's such a rock and a hard place, and it's only really hit me badly in this last week or so, I felt like I was coping well and then all of a sudden, I feel like it's suddenly dawned on me that I'm not going to be able to be with him for a really long time.



I really feel for anyone and everyone in a similar situation - I just feel all of it is so unfair, so say he was out on unconditional bail for a period of 5 stressful years anyway, but then to be told he's not safe to be out any sooner than 3.5 years.. it doesn't make sense.



Thank you for responding and listening, it really does mean a lot. And thank you for all the helpful information and links.

L x

AnxiousGirl

Member since
December 2023

235 posts

Posted Mon October 14, 2024 8:49pmReport post

My case is a bit different. I ended my marriage just prior to him going to prison. Very quickly after sentencing I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. The whole sorry story was out in the open thanks to the press. No more lying.

Contact was minimal whilst he was inside.

I felt I could do what I wanted and create a new future for myself whilst he was inside.

I've still got to get out of the marriage but I can finally see there is a way forward.

kmiller

Member since
June 2023

9 posts

Posted Tue October 15, 2024 2:04pmReport post

The emotions you’re feeling right now are completely valid, and it’s tough to navigate life with everything happening. I remember when I was going through a difficult time, it felt overwhelming, and sometimes I thought I wouldn’t get through it.

Edited by moderator Thu November 7, 2024 10:23am

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

30 posts

Posted Tue October 15, 2024 7:25pmReport post

It's nice to hear some people have gotten through it, as it still feels like I can't get a break at the moment.

I know I have the ability to break off from the situation, as we don't have children together, just separately. He was just my person and I can't imagine not having the future I wanted right now. Maybe things will change, and all of these thoughts and feelings will go to waste in the end, but I don't know unless I keep talking and trying to see what happens.

He is very focused on us having a future - I've had to tell him to just stop talking about it and keep it in the here and now. It's just too overwhelming.

Thank you both x

T2021

Member since
December 2020

103 posts

Posted Tue October 15, 2024 8:13pmReport post

Stressed out lady I hope you are feeling better today.
Cab I ask what the offence is please it is just one of the longest sentences I have seen on this forum.

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

30 posts

Posted Wed October 16, 2024 8:39amReport post

Sure.
6 girls in total - incitement and images. Only 2 Cat A, 3 Cat B and 9 Cat C.

The incitement was the worst charge - 13 year old was the highest charge, who produced the Cat A images (self penitration). Although, he didn't specifically ask for that, she did it so that's how he got the worst charge.

The youngest was 10, but there was no evidence, it was just linked via an email. The rest were 16+.

He pled not guilty, still says it wasn't him. They never saw the man, but his details including PayPal was used, and that's how they concluded it was him.

7 years - to serve half, 3.5, and with an indefinite SHPO and SOR notification.

L x

T2021

Member since
December 2020

103 posts

Posted Sun October 27, 2024 1:21pmReport post

Sounds similar to my case. Can I ask if it was a decoy or real child

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sun October 27, 2024 3:04pmReport post

My ex was sentenced to prison for 3 years. During the whole time he was there, he wasn't allowed to phone home. He wasn't allowed to write to our children either, nor could they visit him. I was left trying to navigate everything on my own, including benefits, threats of eviction without being able to speak to him on the phone. I desperately needed certain pieces of information that I couldn't get until I first visited him which was about a month after the arrest. X