Family and Friends Forum

It's been 7 months now, and when it happend i learnt that it had not been the first time. That between 2015-2018 he had recieved therapy for this already and now "because" of stress at work he reoffended and it had been going on for 4 month at that time. Last week after my request i got to read the discharge notes from the forensic psychologist and in the notes the primary diagnosis given was the word that gives me the most horror i can imagine, the dreaded P word. The word we are sometimes told is not a given with these types of offences. but here it is. and here it's happend again after having recieved such intense therapy. We don't live together so i asked for a week of no contact for me to feel the feelings i was having. I cracked and made contact on friday, because i missed him. It terrifies me that i feel so much love and so much disgust, so much fear, so much confusion at the same time. I can't just stop loving him, i can't just leave him, i can't confide in my friends because i am too ashamed. The procedures are just starting and he will be recieving therapy again; one full day a week of group and individual therapy. I don't know how i can have faith in the future. In forensic psychology they speak of "protective factor" to asses reoffending chance; here all the factors were in place; a loving relationship, a housemate, no social isolation, a job(that did cause stress), a long list of hobbies like improv and musical theatre couple days a week, a long list of meditaiton and self regulation skills and still it happend... what else, life will give him more stressors than some work stress. His parents won't live forever; all of these things. I am so torn inside. It would be the logical road to let him go, focus on healing but i just can't. There must also be something wrong with me. I am forver changed by this and I'm afraid this broken feeling will go with me to my grave.