Still in limbo
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Hi All,
My OH had the second interview where apparently they asked the same questions as when he was arrested and forensics are apparently still going through everything. His bail was extended again. Financially I'm still completely dependent on him so from that point of view it's good to have more time.
The living in limbo is so hard though. I'm not really sure what to plan for. I'm self employed and my business took a major hit because I was off work for more than a year with a life threatening illness plus another year to recover from the treatments. I'm only now just hitting my stride at work so I can do with the time to try and earn more. I also know I can't stay with him. We've not really discussed this other than I've said I can only offer friendship at this point and I'm only focused on getting through this. I'm mindful he has no one else and he's been suicidal so I don't want to push to formally end our relationship.
I just don't know what to plan for..do I take on a part time job ontop of my 40+ hour/week job? Besides trying to look after my health, can I cope with 2 jobs while raising our child, looking after the house, etc.? Do I make plans to move?
This is such a mess. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and for the most part I'm okay as I okay as I can be but I do have to face the bigger decisions looming.
If anyone has any magical (lol) advice, I'd be grateful.
Thanks
Hx
My OH had the second interview where apparently they asked the same questions as when he was arrested and forensics are apparently still going through everything. His bail was extended again. Financially I'm still completely dependent on him so from that point of view it's good to have more time.
The living in limbo is so hard though. I'm not really sure what to plan for. I'm self employed and my business took a major hit because I was off work for more than a year with a life threatening illness plus another year to recover from the treatments. I'm only now just hitting my stride at work so I can do with the time to try and earn more. I also know I can't stay with him. We've not really discussed this other than I've said I can only offer friendship at this point and I'm only focused on getting through this. I'm mindful he has no one else and he's been suicidal so I don't want to push to formally end our relationship.
I just don't know what to plan for..do I take on a part time job ontop of my 40+ hour/week job? Besides trying to look after my health, can I cope with 2 jobs while raising our child, looking after the house, etc.? Do I make plans to move?
This is such a mess. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and for the most part I'm okay as I okay as I can be but I do have to face the bigger decisions looming.
If anyone has any magical (lol) advice, I'd be grateful.
Thanks
Hx
Don't be in a rush to make that massive decision hun . Is there no way you could make a go of your marriage ? I've been with my husband for 35 years and have choose to stand by him . What was your man arrested for ? Mine was on chat room where images were sent he had no control in what he recieved but he stayed on because he was enjoying talking to other men sexually. He was raped by a male teacher at the age of 12 and only just started to doubt his sexuality . I do believe he isn't interested in kids but his urge to talk to these men has took over and that's why we are here . He is to be sentenced next Thursday . I'm worried sick of the media finding out and him losing his job he has already attempted suicide luckily my daughter found him in time x I love him I'm not in love with him anymore but can't imagine living without him x
Does he still live with you? You might be able to do a benefits calculator on your earnings alone to see how much you'd be entitled to. Your child's age and other factors will be taken into account. Try citizens advice too, they may have some suggestions for separating finances now to allow you to work towards financial independence.
There is help available, it won't replace another full time wage coming in but it may give you enough that you can spend more time focusing on your health and raising your child xxx
There is help available, it won't replace another full time wage coming in but it may give you enough that you can spend more time focusing on your health and raising your child xxx
Thank you Molly and Distressed,
We've been together since we were very young. He is accused of iioc and when the police raided our house (18 policemen in full battle gear took down our front door at 6am in the morning) they found a hidden camera in our guest bedroom. It was aimed at my niece who was a teenager at the time and vulnerable (she suffers from extreme anxiety). She won't have anything to do with me now as she believes that I must have known. We were very close before. I think it's that she saw me as someone who would protect her and I failed to do so. I'm not sure if he'll get a custodial sentence for all of this but certainly if his work finds out I have no doubt that they will fire him. He is deeply remorseful and he's done a lot of work. His mental health is better, etc. I'm pleased for him. He is desperately trying to rebuild our life together.
The betrayal goes too deep for me - that he could do this to our family and to my family.
He doesn't live with us per his bail conditions so it's tough financially. I honestly don't think he is a risk to our child or any child irl but I won't allow an assessment because I don't want my son's school to kknow. I'm trying very hard to not have anymore of his childhood taken from him.
Thanks for the advice I'll definitely look at financial advice what help I could possibly get.
It's been a bit of a low week. I'm so grateful for the support.
Thank you.
Hx
We've been together since we were very young. He is accused of iioc and when the police raided our house (18 policemen in full battle gear took down our front door at 6am in the morning) they found a hidden camera in our guest bedroom. It was aimed at my niece who was a teenager at the time and vulnerable (she suffers from extreme anxiety). She won't have anything to do with me now as she believes that I must have known. We were very close before. I think it's that she saw me as someone who would protect her and I failed to do so. I'm not sure if he'll get a custodial sentence for all of this but certainly if his work finds out I have no doubt that they will fire him. He is deeply remorseful and he's done a lot of work. His mental health is better, etc. I'm pleased for him. He is desperately trying to rebuild our life together.
The betrayal goes too deep for me - that he could do this to our family and to my family.
He doesn't live with us per his bail conditions so it's tough financially. I honestly don't think he is a risk to our child or any child irl but I won't allow an assessment because I don't want my son's school to kknow. I'm trying very hard to not have anymore of his childhood taken from him.
Thanks for the advice I'll definitely look at financial advice what help I could possibly get.
It's been a bit of a low week. I'm so grateful for the support.
Thank you.
Hx
Took me almost a year to end our long marriage.
Other stuff came out apart from the offending which meant the trust had gone.
Still navigating my way through this shit show and financially it will be tough - but I know it is the right decision
Other stuff came out apart from the offending which meant the trust had gone.
Still navigating my way through this shit show and financially it will be tough - but I know it is the right decision
I'm sorry, but TBH I'd plan for the worst given what you say about filming (voyeurism being an offence in its own right, which I think carries the possibillity of custodial). I found myself abruptly 'on my own' financially with two kids and actually it was....ok in the end?? Our lifestyle is less nice than it was, but we're afloat. Look seriously now at your current and potential outgoings (what can be slimmed down), at what benefits you could be entitled to and potentially at how a divorce or legal separation would work financially. Also just to throw more depression on a depressing subject, look seriously at the sustainability of being self-employed versus employed as a single parent / sole breadwinner. One will sadly give you more security and stability in the short to medium term. You don't have to decide anything - just think of it as arming yourself for anything this situation throws at you.
Again I'm sorry - its a miserable post I know! But its serious advice from someone who saw their family income (I was an SAHP) vanish overnight when the police showed up / 'OH' resigned from his job / we separated.
PS one thing re schools - I told both my kids' schools straightaway and both were fantastic - very professional and discreet and completely non-judgemental towards me. In the secondary school's case I was pretty much told this wasn't the only such case they'd dealt with. The school will be aware that your child might need additional support and I think its the sort of thing which helps SS see you as a protective parent.
Again I'm sorry - its a miserable post I know! But its serious advice from someone who saw their family income (I was an SAHP) vanish overnight when the police showed up / 'OH' resigned from his job / we separated.
PS one thing re schools - I told both my kids' schools straightaway and both were fantastic - very professional and discreet and completely non-judgemental towards me. In the secondary school's case I was pretty much told this wasn't the only such case they'd dealt with. The school will be aware that your child might need additional support and I think its the sort of thing which helps SS see you as a protective parent.
Hi, Anxiousgirl and Sad&Scared
Thank you for your comments. This really is a shit show. I've been trying to prepare the house so we can sell it if needs be. My OH is a hoarder which got worse while I was ill :-/ I'm trying to prepare for the worse bit by bit.
I don't work by myself and I'm responsible for several others livelihoods as well. I have a job interview lined up for a part time job so I'm going to see if I get it and then make a decision re trying to do both.
I hope you're both doing ok. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that no matter what happens legally our lives with never be the same again. Hoping we all find the best new normal we can.
Hx
Thank you for your comments. This really is a shit show. I've been trying to prepare the house so we can sell it if needs be. My OH is a hoarder which got worse while I was ill :-/ I'm trying to prepare for the worse bit by bit.
I don't work by myself and I'm responsible for several others livelihoods as well. I have a job interview lined up for a part time job so I'm going to see if I get it and then make a decision re trying to do both.
I hope you're both doing ok. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that no matter what happens legally our lives with never be the same again. Hoping we all find the best new normal we can.
Hx