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Lucy22

Member since
September 2022

103 posts

Posted Fri October 18, 2024 12:59pmReport post

I recently discovered my (soon to be ex) OH committed an offence against me; revenge porn.

I logged into one of his old email accounts to check it and ended up doing a more thorough search than I'd ever done previously, and discovered he'd sent nude images of me (which I had sent to him in the past) to strangers, asking them to rate my body, and talking about me sexually to them.

I don't know what to do with the evidence/information. I don't have the energy for another police investigation, but also... if I don't report it it feels like I'm letting him get away with it. But at the same time, he's already in prison so he's already being punished.

I just want some advice on what others would do?

lostinthewoods

Member since
September 2024

52 posts

Posted Fri October 18, 2024 2:02pmReport post

As hard as it is, I think you have no choice but to report him.

Imagine if, once released, he gets a new partner and does the same thing to her?

X

Hycinth

Member since
October 2023

65 posts

Posted Fri October 18, 2024 8:10pmReport post

Hi Lucy22

How awful! What a terrible violation. I'm so sorry. I can't offer any specific advice. Other than perhaps talking it through with the helpline.

Take care

H

Lucy22

Member since
September 2022

103 posts

Posted Sun October 20, 2024 12:04pmReport post

Hi both,

I think I may speak to the helpline, I don't think I want to report him but I just don't know what the right thing to do is. I'd like to hope the support he gets for the offences he's already in prison for will deter him from sharing images of people in future, but who knows.

I feel like a bad person for this being the nail in the coffin of our relationship. I was willing to "work through" everything before, despite there being an actual underage victim, but now I've found out he shared images of ME, I don't know how I can get over that. Which makes me feel like a bad person, almost as if I'm valuing the hurt he's caused me, over any hurt he caused the victim.

Devestatedmum

Member since
October 2022

40 posts

Posted Sun October 20, 2024 2:59pmReport post

Sometimes when it's not us in the firing line we are more able to find their offences palatable we are not directly involved emotionally. I was in the same position until more evidence came out to prove offences within our family. I feel we are encouraged to accept their offences in some ways by police and this forum it's viewed as an illness that needs treatment. But as a direct victim the reality smashes us sideways. This is normal. He's proved you can never trust him again. Do what you need to to get yourself through this.

Numb and scared

Member since
May 2023

21 posts

Posted Wed October 23, 2024 4:51pmReport post

Lucy22 I have sent you a message.

Lucy22

Member since
September 2022

103 posts

Posted Fri October 25, 2024 4:07pmReport post

I sometimes feel that way too, that narrative especially comes from soon to be ex who says that he 'couldn't control it', he was addicted to it, he 'wasn't thinking clearly at the time'.

But like all addictions, you still have responsibility to act on helping yourself. I don't understand how he can tell me he loves me, at the same time as sending nudes of me and talking to strangers about what sexual acts he'd like to watch happen to me and referring to me as his ex.

And when confronted about it, his initial reaction was to say 'what about it', 'I told you to delete that account, not look at it', then compared my previous alcohol abuse/addiction problems to his own addiction to sexting, fundamentally, minors.

I am just at a loss.

Lucy22

Member since
September 2022

103 posts

Posted Thu November 28, 2024 12:21pmReport post

I have finally broken up with my ex. He was expecting it, but spent the whole visit trying to convince me not to. He said we have a special connection, that he loves me, won't find anyone as unique as me, and that with enough couple's counselling we could get through this and heal, and learn to trust one another. So I brought up what I found.

The man manipulated a 17 year old female to beg to see an image of my vagina, sent two images of that, and described what he wanted to watch other men to do me. He also asked another man to rate my breasts. Obviously all without my knowledge or consent.

He said he was sorry, but his excuse was that he was 'exploring his sexuality but obviously in a very wrong way'...

I don't understand how he can be so utterly convinced he loves me... and I still don't know whether to bring charges against him or not.