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Hi all,
New here - its been just over a week since "the knock".
We were meant to be getting married in a few weeks. I am utterly devastated and heartbroken.
Everyone has an opinion, is angry or criticises him. What about me? Does anyone understand how I feel?
Love just doesn't disappear.
Its almost 2am and I am continually obsessing on how to deal with SS, the police and also get him the help that he needs.
But selfishly, I am heartbroken by the fact that I wasn't enough.
New here - its been just over a week since "the knock".
We were meant to be getting married in a few weeks. I am utterly devastated and heartbroken.
Everyone has an opinion, is angry or criticises him. What about me? Does anyone understand how I feel?
Love just doesn't disappear.
Its almost 2am and I am continually obsessing on how to deal with SS, the police and also get him the help that he needs.
But selfishly, I am heartbroken by the fact that I wasn't enough.
Ahh Bless you - good lass for reaching out.... it really does feel like your in quick sand and fighting to stay up. The shock, sadness, peoples opinions, the loss, emotions, fear, dread all trying to push you under and swallow you up. :-(
From an old hand on the forum I'd strongly advise to take one step/one day at a time - I know easier said than done but you physically and mentally cannot deal with this and get an immediate conclusion in a week. Sadly it can be and often is, a very long journey
Overthinking is very destructive and wastes energy. Your fears - yes possibly could happen but they might not.
As for love - which personally I've found the hardest part to deal with. You cannot just forget the person, click your fingers and they've disappeared- memories & all..... He is part of you and in my case, my son, I will never erase out my life - whatever people think or say. You might decide to walk away, whatever you decide will be your decision alone...... this crime happens for hundreds of reasons - please don't torture yourself in any way thinking its your fault or you weren't good enough - you are innocent my lovely.....
a big hug sent xxxxx
From an old hand on the forum I'd strongly advise to take one step/one day at a time - I know easier said than done but you physically and mentally cannot deal with this and get an immediate conclusion in a week. Sadly it can be and often is, a very long journey
Overthinking is very destructive and wastes energy. Your fears - yes possibly could happen but they might not.
As for love - which personally I've found the hardest part to deal with. You cannot just forget the person, click your fingers and they've disappeared- memories & all..... He is part of you and in my case, my son, I will never erase out my life - whatever people think or say. You might decide to walk away, whatever you decide will be your decision alone...... this crime happens for hundreds of reasons - please don't torture yourself in any way thinking its your fault or you weren't good enough - you are innocent my lovely.....
a big hug sent xxxxx
I word for word agree with Smile...
This is a roller coaster journey and tbh, one of the hardest paths any of us are ever forced to walk down.
Like Smile, my person is my son. If you look at my first post on here, I was so angry. But he's my son and I love him - that can't just be thrown away.
We will all be here to hold space for you. As someone said to me, keep talking to us xx
This is a roller coaster journey and tbh, one of the hardest paths any of us are ever forced to walk down.
Like Smile, my person is my son. If you look at my first post on here, I was so angry. But he's my son and I love him - that can't just be thrown away.
We will all be here to hold space for you. As someone said to me, keep talking to us xx
Hi,
I'm sorry that you've found yourself here. Take things one step at a time, you don't need to have the answers to everything all at once. Everyone has an opinion on what they would do and how they would handle the situation. In all honesty nobody knows what they would do and even when you're in the situation what you think you should do changes almost minute by minute.
You experienced a traumatic event, now isn't the time for huge decisions. Take some time to process and navigate things with ss. Sending lots of love xxx
I'm sorry that you've found yourself here. Take things one step at a time, you don't need to have the answers to everything all at once. Everyone has an opinion on what they would do and how they would handle the situation. In all honesty nobody knows what they would do and even when you're in the situation what you think you should do changes almost minute by minute.
You experienced a traumatic event, now isn't the time for huge decisions. Take some time to process and navigate things with ss. Sending lots of love xxx
Took me a long time to decide to end my long marriage as despite everything I still loved him.
Several years down the line that love has gone. I feel great sadness but I know it was the right decision
Several years down the line that love has gone. I feel great sadness but I know it was the right decision
Serenity I'm so sorry you've joined us. Please don't ever think you weren't enough. The world of internet pornograohy is evil in all forms IMO. I'm sure you're OH loved you and still does. The behaviour generally stems from route causes and he needs to start working through those and face his demons. I'm devastated for you that your wedding was so close, I can't begin to imagine the pain you are in right now. As others have said, take one day at a time, and know that we are all here for you xxx
Hi, I completely understand how you feel. You're in the eye of the storm at the moment and unfortunately there's a long road ahead. Love doesn't just disappear. People seem to know out think they know what they would do in this situation. They have no clue. It's a completely unique thing. I had feelings about not being enough. We had intimacy problems throughout our 30 year relationship. I blamed my weight and he allowed me to think it was my fault. However, shortly after the arrest, he told me he'd started having sexual towards children from the age of about 13. Of course, I couldn't compete with that in any way shape or form and knew then that our intimacy issues were nothing to do with me at all. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Xx
Can I just thank you all for your responses. Right now I feel as I am being judged left rigbt and centre. My family, my close friends, social services, the police. It is so heartwarming that you have all been so lovely and speak to me with empathy and understanding.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Oh my gosh, I expect many many people on this forum (and others who have lived this horrific experience but not engaged with the forum) can totally empathise with your feelings. I and many others here have children too.
The feelings of loneliness, isolation, shock, trauma, grief, stigma, shame, hurt and rage forced upon us are extreme, and like no other. But you are not alone.
Having been where you are, I can also offer some hope and assurance that there is life on the other side. I thought for a long time that I would never again experience happiness. But that's proved not to be the case. There is lots for you to look forward to, and you may even find some unexpected silver linings to the darkest clouds.
Perhaps take a look at my post pinned to the top of this discussion board 'Journey to Planet Knock'. It seemed to ring true for a lot of others who read it.
Also, as well as this forum and LFF, when you feel the time is right for you, you may find it useful to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful. Specific support for children with a parent in prison.
Children Heard and Seen: support for children with a parent in prison and their families.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
PACT: The Prison Advice & Care Trust (Pact) is a charity which supports people affected by imprisonment, providing practical and emotional support to prisoners’ children and families, and to prisoners themselves. Free confidential helpline for prisoners’ families and friends (0808 808 2003).
Prisoners families helpline: free, confidential support and advice for families in England and Wales who have a loved one in contact with the criminal justice system.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
In the event of a custodial sentence, 'www.emailaprisoner' and 'prisonvoicemail.com' are really easy-to-use and valuable ways to keep in touch (if you want to!).
The feelings of loneliness, isolation, shock, trauma, grief, stigma, shame, hurt and rage forced upon us are extreme, and like no other. But you are not alone.
Having been where you are, I can also offer some hope and assurance that there is life on the other side. I thought for a long time that I would never again experience happiness. But that's proved not to be the case. There is lots for you to look forward to, and you may even find some unexpected silver linings to the darkest clouds.
Perhaps take a look at my post pinned to the top of this discussion board 'Journey to Planet Knock'. It seemed to ring true for a lot of others who read it.
Also, as well as this forum and LFF, when you feel the time is right for you, you may find it useful to explore some of the below:
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful. Specific support for children with a parent in prison.
Children Heard and Seen: support for children with a parent in prison and their families.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
PACT: The Prison Advice & Care Trust (Pact) is a charity which supports people affected by imprisonment, providing practical and emotional support to prisoners’ children and families, and to prisoners themselves. Free confidential helpline for prisoners’ families and friends (0808 808 2003).
Prisoners families helpline: free, confidential support and advice for families in England and Wales who have a loved one in contact with the criminal justice system.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
In the event of a custodial sentence, 'www.emailaprisoner' and 'prisonvoicemail.com' are really easy-to-use and valuable ways to keep in touch (if you want to!).