Supporting my friend with some reservations
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Friend received the knock on Thursday last week was arrested for inappropriate conversations on Snapchat. Since found out that pics were exchanged. He's been released on bail for 3 months not allowed contact with anyone under 16. Some of our friendship group have cut ties, and I understand that that's what feels right for them but he's been one of my closest friends for over 20 years and I can't just turn him loose.
He's been given a mobile by the police, as obviously they've seized his. Are messages on that phone read by the police? I'm also worried that I'll somehow get into trouble if I'm seen out with him. I'm trying to understand but really struggling to get my head around the fact that it seems like I barely know someone I thought I was close to.
I feel a weird sense of guilt because he said he did what he's done because he was lonely. Should I have tried harder to spend time with him? I find myself saying "I had no idea, if I had I'd have reported it." Sorry for the ramble but my emotions are all over the place. Just after some advice about whether it's ok to stay friends.
He's been given a mobile by the police, as obviously they've seized his. Are messages on that phone read by the police? I'm also worried that I'll somehow get into trouble if I'm seen out with him. I'm trying to understand but really struggling to get my head around the fact that it seems like I barely know someone I thought I was close to.
I feel a weird sense of guilt because he said he did what he's done because he was lonely. Should I have tried harder to spend time with him? I find myself saying "I had no idea, if I had I'd have reported it." Sorry for the ramble but my emotions are all over the place. Just after some advice about whether it's ok to stay friends.
"I'm also worried that I'll somehow get into trouble if I'm seen out with him."
this really resonated with me. I've struggled the past month being out with my person. It was a battle of morals vs wanting to be support. As if I'm condoning the actions by being with him, and I can't state enough how I'm not.
I spoke to the helpline and they helped explain how o was feeling better than I could! It was really helpful, I'd recommend having a chat if you feel you could. I found it helped by putting some boundaries in place such as I feel comfortable going on lots of walks but I wouldn't necessarily feel ok going to a shopping centre. I know it sounds daft but it's how I reason it with myself!
Regards feeling guilty, easier said than done but please try not too. It's 100% no guilt on you.
this really resonated with me. I've struggled the past month being out with my person. It was a battle of morals vs wanting to be support. As if I'm condoning the actions by being with him, and I can't state enough how I'm not.
I spoke to the helpline and they helped explain how o was feeling better than I could! It was really helpful, I'd recommend having a chat if you feel you could. I found it helped by putting some boundaries in place such as I feel comfortable going on lots of walks but I wouldn't necessarily feel ok going to a shopping centre. I know it sounds daft but it's how I reason it with myself!
Regards feeling guilty, easier said than done but please try not too. It's 100% no guilt on you.
I'm sorry you've found yourself joining us here but I love that you want to help your friend. He/she will need all the support they can get in the coming days and months and if you haven't already done so I encourage you both to contact the helpline.
I wouldn't like to say if the police will read messages on the new phone but that's certainly a possibility.
The way you're feeling is understandable, I think we all struggle to understand the reasons why our people did what they did. My person is my son so walking away wasn't an option for me. I promised to stand by my son and have supported and walked with him at each step of his journey. When you say you fear you'll somehow get into trouble for being seen with your friend, do you mean in trouble by the police or in trouble by people who may judge you for your decision to support your friend?
If it's in trouble by the police then unless you're doing something illegal or something that breaks your friends bail conditions that won't happen. If it's in trouble by people who may judge you, only you can decide if you're willing to take that risk. I've made no secret of the fact that I support my son and have not received any trouble for this.
You have no reason to feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong. Your friend did what they did because of the place they were in, this isn't a reflection of you or your friendship.
I wouldn't like to say if the police will read messages on the new phone but that's certainly a possibility.
The way you're feeling is understandable, I think we all struggle to understand the reasons why our people did what they did. My person is my son so walking away wasn't an option for me. I promised to stand by my son and have supported and walked with him at each step of his journey. When you say you fear you'll somehow get into trouble for being seen with your friend, do you mean in trouble by the police or in trouble by people who may judge you for your decision to support your friend?
If it's in trouble by the police then unless you're doing something illegal or something that breaks your friends bail conditions that won't happen. If it's in trouble by people who may judge you, only you can decide if you're willing to take that risk. I've made no secret of the fact that I support my son and have not received any trouble for this.
You have no reason to feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong. Your friend did what they did because of the place they were in, this isn't a reflection of you or your friendship.