One year. On and on it goes...
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I haven't posted here for a while, but tomorrow marks one year since my world fell apart and my (soon-to-be-ex-) husband was arrested for posession of IIOC after I discovered images on our PC and, distraught, called our GP for help who then called the police.
Initially he told me it had been going on a couple of months, but he also told me about something he did a long time ago when he was in a position of ultimate trust.
As with everyone here, it came completely out of the blue. Up until that point, I truly believed I was with a decent and honest man who had good morals, and I thought we had a brilliant life, a successful small business, a wonderful home, and a happy marriage with a long future planned together.
Since the initial discovery, despite him swearing to me there was nothing more, I've found a whole barrage of further sickening incidences that go back decades, including when he first moved into my home over 20 years ago. I've handed it all over to the police and had to give numerous statements.
The evidence I found includes hand-written documents he wrote pre-pandemic graphically detailing him exposing himself to children at our local leisure centre and wanting to touch them. For this, he had an interim SRO placed on him in March and was banned from entering leisure centres.
The police took him back to the Magistrates court in September to renew the SRO and it's been extended for another two years. As well as taking the hand-written documents, they also presented evidence of some of the indecent photos they've found on some of the memory sticks they seized... So far, they total 2300 IIOC of which over 400 were Category A and over 500 were Category B. Obviously there will be a lot more by the time they finish searching. They've put a marker on his car and his parents' house where he's living and they're keeping an eye on him, but, apart from that, he can do as he pleases.
I know many here have had bad experiences with the police, but I have to say the OIC who I've been dealing with throughout has been exceptional - he's approachable, respectful, and helpful. He's going to present my Victim Impact Statement to the CPS with all of his other evidence. He told me my ex's devices are now 10th in the queue, so they hope to have downloaded everything early 2025, then comes the next long wait while they put everything together, and the further wait for sentencing.
The situation and all the horrific things I've had to see and read resulted in me being on the verge of a breakdown. I had to move in with my parents for support (not something I expected at the age of 48!) and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I've undergone an extended course of EMDR treatment and talking therapies, which has helped enormously, especially with the sickening flashbacks I was having, but I've still got to live with these horrors and it is without doubt going to affect me for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what my future holds. My ex is being deliberately difficult and holding up the divorce proceedings (presumably as "punishment" for me handing him and so much evidence over to the police) and our house is up for sale but viewings are few and far between.
What I do know is that, not only have I stopped him from what he's been doing all these years, but I've also stopped him doing what he documented he wanted to do and potentially would've gone on to do - touch children. That's pretty powerful stuff.
All I can hope now is that the CPS and sentencing judge do their jobs properly and put him away for a considerable length of time.
Initially he told me it had been going on a couple of months, but he also told me about something he did a long time ago when he was in a position of ultimate trust.
As with everyone here, it came completely out of the blue. Up until that point, I truly believed I was with a decent and honest man who had good morals, and I thought we had a brilliant life, a successful small business, a wonderful home, and a happy marriage with a long future planned together.
Since the initial discovery, despite him swearing to me there was nothing more, I've found a whole barrage of further sickening incidences that go back decades, including when he first moved into my home over 20 years ago. I've handed it all over to the police and had to give numerous statements.
The evidence I found includes hand-written documents he wrote pre-pandemic graphically detailing him exposing himself to children at our local leisure centre and wanting to touch them. For this, he had an interim SRO placed on him in March and was banned from entering leisure centres.
The police took him back to the Magistrates court in September to renew the SRO and it's been extended for another two years. As well as taking the hand-written documents, they also presented evidence of some of the indecent photos they've found on some of the memory sticks they seized... So far, they total 2300 IIOC of which over 400 were Category A and over 500 were Category B. Obviously there will be a lot more by the time they finish searching. They've put a marker on his car and his parents' house where he's living and they're keeping an eye on him, but, apart from that, he can do as he pleases.
I know many here have had bad experiences with the police, but I have to say the OIC who I've been dealing with throughout has been exceptional - he's approachable, respectful, and helpful. He's going to present my Victim Impact Statement to the CPS with all of his other evidence. He told me my ex's devices are now 10th in the queue, so they hope to have downloaded everything early 2025, then comes the next long wait while they put everything together, and the further wait for sentencing.
The situation and all the horrific things I've had to see and read resulted in me being on the verge of a breakdown. I had to move in with my parents for support (not something I expected at the age of 48!) and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I've undergone an extended course of EMDR treatment and talking therapies, which has helped enormously, especially with the sickening flashbacks I was having, but I've still got to live with these horrors and it is without doubt going to affect me for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what my future holds. My ex is being deliberately difficult and holding up the divorce proceedings (presumably as "punishment" for me handing him and so much evidence over to the police) and our house is up for sale but viewings are few and far between.
What I do know is that, not only have I stopped him from what he's been doing all these years, but I've also stopped him doing what he documented he wanted to do and potentially would've gone on to do - touch children. That's pretty powerful stuff.
All I can hope now is that the CPS and sentencing judge do their jobs properly and put him away for a considerable length of time.
Nothing very useful to say, except I've also recently had my one year 'anniversary' and its incredibly hard, so lots of sympathy. I've read other posts of yours and it sounds as if you've acted with great courage, strength and integrity and have quite probably prevented worse offences. I know that doesn't take the pain away though.
I just want yo echo what Sad&Scared said. The anniversary is really tough. You have been very brave. I take comfort from those who are further down the path and coming out the other end.
Take care
Hx
Take care
Hx
Thank you Sad&Scared and Hycinth. It's an incredibly difficult time marking this first year. Throughout the last 12 months, I've often thought to myself *this time last year, I didn't have a clue*. We're all on this speeding train that none of us chose to get on and none of us can get off. I'm so scared of what the future will bring.
It does seem like our lives are divided between the time before the knock and the time after.
I'm a couple of years down the line and starting to feel like I'm coming out the other side
It hasn't been easy. I've been the lowest I have ever been with the darkest of thoughts. But I'm now off medication and my counselling has finished
I'm still in the process of finalising the split with my partner and trying to make a new life for myself. It's not going to be easy - but I know it's the right decision for me
Sending you love
I'm a couple of years down the line and starting to feel like I'm coming out the other side
It hasn't been easy. I've been the lowest I have ever been with the darkest of thoughts. But I'm now off medication and my counselling has finished
I'm still in the process of finalising the split with my partner and trying to make a new life for myself. It's not going to be easy - but I know it's the right decision for me
Sending you love
Anniversaries are hard. I hope that things start to improve for you soon. You've shown such courage over this year and that courage is still within you to get through the divorce and house sale. Lots of love xxx
I too was the one to find the evidence on my person and take it all to the police.
Sometimes feel bad for blowing up mine and my children's lives, but I know, just like you, I've done the right thing and stopped him going on to do something worse.
Sometimes feel bad for blowing up mine and my children's lives, but I know, just like you, I've done the right thing and stopped him going on to do something worse.
I'm sorry and I hear you. X
You're so very brave. I reported my other half too.
It takes an awful lot of strengh & courage to go through that.
Remember that when things get tough.
Sending you hugs xxxxxx
It takes an awful lot of strengh & courage to go through that.
Remember that when things get tough.
Sending you hugs xxxxxx
Thanks all for the further replies, I really appreciate the support.
AnxiousGirl, you're spot on, everything is now 'before' or 'after' the knock. I'm really pleased you're coming out the other side and have managed to come off the medication. Like you, I know splitting was the right decision, the trust was gone. I wish you all the very best.
DistressedAndPregnant, JustAboutHoldingItTogether, Bluebell77 thank you. It's taken enormous amounts of courage, but I know that everything I've done and all the evidence I've handed in was ALWAYS the right thing to do.
I don't feel guilty at all and I know I can hold my head up.
AnxiousGirl, you're spot on, everything is now 'before' or 'after' the knock. I'm really pleased you're coming out the other side and have managed to come off the medication. Like you, I know splitting was the right decision, the trust was gone. I wish you all the very best.
DistressedAndPregnant, JustAboutHoldingItTogether, Bluebell77 thank you. It's taken enormous amounts of courage, but I know that everything I've done and all the evidence I've handed in was ALWAYS the right thing to do.
I don't feel guilty at all and I know I can hold my head up.