Stage 2....
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So here we are almost 11 months in and after they have examined his devices, tomorrow is the day he goes in for the interview. We managed to live our lives as normal this year, in fact it was a great year as we seem stronger than ever to get through this, he has shown me remorse, has attended therepy every week, hasn’t been on the internet since, he’s ready to face the punishment and I thought I had excepted any eventuality that may be. That is until the last few weeks, I said that if there is more to what he has told me, it’s over as this year has all been about building trust and opening up. So now I find I’m petrified of tomorrow. I cannot sleep, I have distracted myslef work to the point of obsession which is now that’s making me even more stressed, I feel like I’m locked in this place that tomorrow will unlock. I knew this day would come, like the court days to follow, sentencing, when he tells his boss etc etc. If this is how I feel the day before the interview, can someone reassure me that if I survive this one, the next stages will be easier. I have woke up in tears and right now I feel like running.????
E
I cant tell you what will happen next, We also have the 2nd stage interview next week which i am really worried about, things have got a bit easier recently as he keeps telling me they wont find any thing on thr devices.Keep strong and take one day at a time.
I cant tell you what will happen next, We also have the 2nd stage interview next week which i am really worried about, things have got a bit easier recently as he keeps telling me they wont find any thing on thr devices.Keep strong and take one day at a time.
How are you doing E? For me the whole journey was a roller coaster, each key stage (court dates, first probation meeting, first visit from the SOR risk manager) resulted in a few sleepless nights and anxiety and as soon as it felt like I was back to normal another key stage came around. At the same time, each stage felt like one step closer to being able to move on with our lives rather than living in limbo.
Yep, that’s exactly how it’s felt! Leading up to his interview was the worst I’ve felt since the knock, and him too. I only told a couple of people but this weekend opened up to my sister, what a relief to not lie anymore. The people who know love him dearly, they know he isn’t a bad person, he just made bad choices. I just need to keep telling me that no matter what happens with him or between us, we have those people to support us. Today’s another day and both feeling better. They told him nothing else will happen this side of Christmas so until then will plod along as we have for 11 months , we have a few plans on the run up to Christmas and hope to get away for a few days over the holidays so can recharge ready for the next stage. I think the next big thing will be when he needs to tell his boss. He’s currently waiting for a solicitor to contact him he can discuss all that with him then.
Thanks for sharing E. I can imagine I will be in a similar state way down the line. It's so horrible having to tell not quite the truth to friends isn't it? Fortunately all his and my family know all the facts as far as I know them, and have been very supportive. But I have told most friends that my husband is having a mental health breakdown ( not totally untrue) but as a result I'm getting advice re depression- which isn't so relevant given the acute cause. I hope you both have a reasonable holiday. X
We had the interview a couple of weeks ago and then was told then that it wouldn't be before Christmas for the next stage to appear. He hasn't even been charged yet either.
Any tips on coping with the second stage of the process? How long is the interview? how long after that until the next step after the interview? terrified currently.
MG- we had the 2nd interview in October and he was sent his charges in the post 2 days ago. We have also been sent a plea hearing date for 2 weeks time. I'm not sure if that is the normal amount of time between 2-3rd stages. The second interview for my husband was 2hrs but it all depends on the investigating officers and what they have found and evidence they need to discuss. Make sure you speak to the solicitor for advice.
Thank you. Just waiting to hear back from solicitors. Scary times
MG- it is a scary process which we are all at different stages of, this is why we come to the forums or chat to each other separately on Mumsnet. We are all here to support non judgemental when ever you need it.
My husband had his second interview back in may after his first interview the October before and we're still waiting on the charge letter! If I'd have known this time last year that I would still be in the same position as I am now I would probably have been able to relax and enjoy things more, however this has obviously taken over our lives and not a day goes by that we don't discuss it, ongoing Sw visits and meetings, living apart, sneaking around behind friends backs to try and act and appear as normal as possible, it's horrendous, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, any day now we're expecting the letter, then it will be a court date and then sentencing, I'm just praying it stays out of the media and he can keep his job! Otherwise I really can't begin to consider the alternative :(
Hey JB72,
I cant believe your still waiting for that letter to arrive! It feels like a lifetime since your last update!
How are you both doing? Has his case even gone through CPS yet?
Ttkit
I cant believe your still waiting for that letter to arrive! It feels like a lifetime since your last update!
How are you both doing? Has his case even gone through CPS yet?
Ttkit
Still waiting for a letter with court date anytime now, he wasn’t charged at interview which I thought was odd? No contact from solicitor as he was told to phone back when he had a court date.
Hey there ttkit
I know it's been sooooo long! We were told back in august it would go to cps then it would take 28 days, the leading inverstigator asked if I would make a statement and I declined, then at the beginning of December she contacted me to say they had come back with a few questions (not sure if this was the cps or not) she said she would have everything back to them by dec 6th and it would be another 28 days! So literally any day now, but I've been thinking that since August so who knows, he's been attending a course called safer lives who are ex probation officers with experience of working with these kind of people, he's really helped him through the process and provides a report at the end he's also doing a sex addict counselling online, he's obviously still not living at home as social services won't make any decisions until they know more details, so their input over the last 15 months I feel has been pointless! They should have been working with us not checking up but we go along and do everything we're asked, how are you and your husband? Any update? I've tried looking for you on here but you can't search by person, don't come on here too often but would love to know how you've got on? It sounded quite positive last time?
jb72 x
I know it's been sooooo long! We were told back in august it would go to cps then it would take 28 days, the leading inverstigator asked if I would make a statement and I declined, then at the beginning of December she contacted me to say they had come back with a few questions (not sure if this was the cps or not) she said she would have everything back to them by dec 6th and it would be another 28 days! So literally any day now, but I've been thinking that since August so who knows, he's been attending a course called safer lives who are ex probation officers with experience of working with these kind of people, he's really helped him through the process and provides a report at the end he's also doing a sex addict counselling online, he's obviously still not living at home as social services won't make any decisions until they know more details, so their input over the last 15 months I feel has been pointless! They should have been working with us not checking up but we go along and do everything we're asked, how are you and your husband? Any update? I've tried looking for you on here but you can't search by person, don't come on here too often but would love to know how you've got on? It sounded quite positive last time?
jb72 x
Hey JB,
Doesn't surprise me that they came back in december after being sent the stuff in August! Everything seems to take 4 times longer than told!
Great husband is doing so well, not only is it good for him and you but can really help at court depending on charges.
We're both ok, got told in August that investigating officer thinks NFA due to lack of evidence etc. They told us at the time that their boss likes to send everything to CPS so dont get Hope's up around NFA. 5 months on and still nothing from no one. Haven't heard from police since August. It's been quite nice really as its allowed us to get into a bit of normality- not having kids means we can just go about our normal lives tbh whilst this carries on in background which I am grateful for.
So 13 months on after one disgusting conversation we arent any further forward except husband is in a much better mental state!
I tend not to post much anymore as dont feel I have alot to contribute to most conversations so only post where I think I can :-)
Ttkit
Doesn't surprise me that they came back in december after being sent the stuff in August! Everything seems to take 4 times longer than told!
Great husband is doing so well, not only is it good for him and you but can really help at court depending on charges.
We're both ok, got told in August that investigating officer thinks NFA due to lack of evidence etc. They told us at the time that their boss likes to send everything to CPS so dont get Hope's up around NFA. 5 months on and still nothing from no one. Haven't heard from police since August. It's been quite nice really as its allowed us to get into a bit of normality- not having kids means we can just go about our normal lives tbh whilst this carries on in background which I am grateful for.
So 13 months on after one disgusting conversation we arent any further forward except husband is in a much better mental state!
I tend not to post much anymore as dont feel I have alot to contribute to most conversations so only post where I think I can :-)
Ttkit
Ttkit
so good to hear your hubby is doing better, it's a shame they can't just finalise it officially by saying NFA, but I suppose you won't be a priority any more so will be left at the bottom of the pile! Fingers crossed for you both, Hubby's got a business trip to America in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping nothing happens before then as I don't think he will be allowed to go there again once he's got a criminal record :(
so good to hear your hubby is doing better, it's a shame they can't just finalise it officially by saying NFA, but I suppose you won't be a priority any more so will be left at the bottom of the pile! Fingers crossed for you both, Hubby's got a business trip to America in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping nothing happens before then as I don't think he will be allowed to go there again once he's got a criminal record :(
Hey JB,
Theres always the chance when it goes to CPS they could say charge but as you say he isn't a priority so it hasn't even made it to them yet!
Fingers crossed it takes a few extra weeks then so you can get his trip out the way. I think America and a few other big countries are no fly zones once conviction on record :(
I'm hoping to get an abroad holiday in before anything happens so whilst I keep saying it I'd rather they just leave us at the bottom of the pile in a weird way!
Ttkit
Theres always the chance when it goes to CPS they could say charge but as you say he isn't a priority so it hasn't even made it to them yet!
Fingers crossed it takes a few extra weeks then so you can get his trip out the way. I think America and a few other big countries are no fly zones once conviction on record :(
I'm hoping to get an abroad holiday in before anything happens so whilst I keep saying it I'd rather they just leave us at the bottom of the pile in a weird way!
Ttkit
Hey JB,
Theres always the chance when it goes to CPS they could say charge but as you say he isn't a priority so it hasn't even made it to them yet!
Fingers crossed it takes a few extra weeks then so you can get his trip out the way. I think America and a few other big countries are no fly zones once conviction on record :(
I'm hoping to get an abroad holiday in before anything happens so whilst I keep saying it I'd rather they just leave us at the bottom of the pile in a weird way!
Ttkit
Theres always the chance when it goes to CPS they could say charge but as you say he isn't a priority so it hasn't even made it to them yet!
Fingers crossed it takes a few extra weeks then so you can get his trip out the way. I think America and a few other big countries are no fly zones once conviction on record :(
I'm hoping to get an abroad holiday in before anything happens so whilst I keep saying it I'd rather they just leave us at the bottom of the pile in a weird way!
Ttkit
Hi JB
I read your hubby going to America, is he going under the visa waiver as im sure it states will need to apply for actual visa if you have been arrested. I'm not sure if your story maybe your hubby wasn't arrested, might be worth looking into. I have read on hub unlock people travel to these countries even when conviction spent by not declaring history and many have got away with this it seems. We were meant to be going to NYC and to Vegas but not sure if we will ever get there now xx
I read your hubby going to America, is he going under the visa waiver as im sure it states will need to apply for actual visa if you have been arrested. I'm not sure if your story maybe your hubby wasn't arrested, might be worth looking into. I have read on hub unlock people travel to these countries even when conviction spent by not declaring history and many have got away with this it seems. We were meant to be going to NYC and to Vegas but not sure if we will ever get there now xx
Hi summer
nothing has happened in our case since his original arrest in October 2018, since then we've been to Vegas on holiday with no problems, and he has travelled to several other countries whilst being under investigation, until he has an actual charge I don't think it matters tbh, I know it will definitely be an issue once he has and we have looked at countries requiring a visa to prepare ourselves xx
nothing has happened in our case since his original arrest in October 2018, since then we've been to Vegas on holiday with no problems, and he has travelled to several other countries whilst being under investigation, until he has an actual charge I don't think it matters tbh, I know it will definitely be an issue once he has and we have looked at countries requiring a visa to prepare ourselves xx
Thanks JB that's really good to know if this drags on I might get a holiday out there. I had read this on thier website
'We do not recommend that travelers who have been arrested, even if the arrest did not result in a criminal conviction, have a criminal record, certain serious communicable illness, have been refused admission into, or have been deported from, the United States, or have previously overstayed under the terms of the Visa Waiver Program, attempt to travel visa free under the Visa Waiver Program. The Rehabilitation of Offenders Act does not apply to US visa law and spent convictions,regardless of when they occurred will have a bearing on a traveler’s eligibility for admission into the United States.'
so I guess it doesn't flag up to them so worth not saying anything.
thanks
'We do not recommend that travelers who have been arrested, even if the arrest did not result in a criminal conviction, have a criminal record, certain serious communicable illness, have been refused admission into, or have been deported from, the United States, or have previously overstayed under the terms of the Visa Waiver Program, attempt to travel visa free under the Visa Waiver Program. The Rehabilitation of Offenders Act does not apply to US visa law and spent convictions,regardless of when they occurred will have a bearing on a traveler’s eligibility for admission into the United States.'
so I guess it doesn't flag up to them so worth not saying anything.
thanks
Hey summer, definitely get a holiday if you can, like I said in a previous post if I had known this time last year that we would still be no further on this time This year, I would have sat back and chilled a bit more!
enjoy xx
enjoy xx
Could agree more JB think its why ibe relaxed a bit for the last 6 months as I kinda felt it wasnt moving at pace so just took what time I could to chill