How to spend time with the person?
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Hi all,
I feel daft for posting a silly question but how do you spend time with the person?
We are still in early days. He's not living with me and our relationship as a we knew it is undecided and I'm not putting pressure on myself to make that call yet.
However we meet up once or twice a week and tend to go for a long walk.
I feel weird doing anything else, everything feels trivial with this hanging over head.
I feel daft for posting a silly question but how do you spend time with the person?
We are still in early days. He's not living with me and our relationship as a we knew it is undecided and I'm not putting pressure on myself to make that call yet.
However we meet up once or twice a week and tend to go for a long walk.
I feel weird doing anything else, everything feels trivial with this hanging over head.
Hey,
I totally understand how you're feeling!
I am still with my husband, but we're navigating how to spend "nice" time together; it *does* feel weird to do all the things we did in the before times now. However, what I am finding helpful is the following;
1) literally just doing only what feels ok/ good - if all you want to do right now is go for a walk, then that's fine! Maybe on one of those walks you'll stop for a coffee and that will be ok too and things will develop from there (or not, also fine)
2) you're allowed to have nice things and enjoy them. You've done nothing wrong. Eventually you'll enjoy things again, and when you do it'll be lovely.
3) (this one may just be me? I don't know your situation) I like to remind myself that I'm in a more powerful situation now than before; I know more. Everything I know now was true months ago, I just didn't know it then. I could feel joy then, and I will feel it again. It'll just take time.
For us it has just been time; initially we couldn't even do the basic things of sleeping and having meals. Now we manage that fine. We watch a couple of favourite TV shows together a week and that now feels almost normal. We've managed one normalish evening at the cinema and pub. I think sadly it's just time, taking it at your own speed and not expecting to feel normal immediately.
sorry for no great advice but I totally get you x
I totally understand how you're feeling!
I am still with my husband, but we're navigating how to spend "nice" time together; it *does* feel weird to do all the things we did in the before times now. However, what I am finding helpful is the following;
1) literally just doing only what feels ok/ good - if all you want to do right now is go for a walk, then that's fine! Maybe on one of those walks you'll stop for a coffee and that will be ok too and things will develop from there (or not, also fine)
2) you're allowed to have nice things and enjoy them. You've done nothing wrong. Eventually you'll enjoy things again, and when you do it'll be lovely.
3) (this one may just be me? I don't know your situation) I like to remind myself that I'm in a more powerful situation now than before; I know more. Everything I know now was true months ago, I just didn't know it then. I could feel joy then, and I will feel it again. It'll just take time.
For us it has just been time; initially we couldn't even do the basic things of sleeping and having meals. Now we manage that fine. We watch a couple of favourite TV shows together a week and that now feels almost normal. We've managed one normalish evening at the cinema and pub. I think sadly it's just time, taking it at your own speed and not expecting to feel normal immediately.
sorry for no great advice but I totally get you x
That's probably the best advice I've read on this subject. Going with what feels ok at the time. I love the one day you might stop for a coffee xx
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Exhausted I found that really helpful to read.
Like Distressed I too love the one day you might stop for a coffee.
Like Distressed I too love the one day you might stop for a coffee.