If you’re doing it, surely you know why you’re doing it
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Sorry I just needed to put this out there so my oh has now admitted that he deliberately went onto the chat room looking for someone to talk to but what he found was a police sting and was arrested for it, but he still doesn't know why he did it!!! I don't get it surely if you're deliberately doing something you know why you're doing it!
Not always, but I think sometimes they don't want to admit the reason x
Hi,
has he admitted any kind of addiction? The majority of us on here are here because a loved one has either a sex addiction or porn addiction. Addiction is complex with the person often feeling compelled to do things that might have a negative consequence but the urge to do it outweighs the thoughts of risk.
I hope that you are able to get some answers. It's a difficult conversation to have but communication is important for both of you xxx
has he admitted any kind of addiction? The majority of us on here are here because a loved one has either a sex addiction or porn addiction. Addiction is complex with the person often feeling compelled to do things that might have a negative consequence but the urge to do it outweighs the thoughts of risk.
I hope that you are able to get some answers. It's a difficult conversation to have but communication is important for both of you xxx
My person will never know why he let the cat out of the bag when he was 45 years old. He started having these feelings from the age of around 13 so goodness knows what was going on around him and his family etc that caused this in him. Stress and feelings of low self worth were a factor for when he eventually offended.
hi distressed and pregnant
my OH has not admitted that he has any addictions to porn sex et cetera but he does admit he doesn't enjoy watching porn so could it be that he's addicted but doesn't realise it this is a second offence and it's taking him 10 years to reoffend that's the hard part to understand and when I tried to talk to him about what he's done, he just completely clams up and says he doesn't want to discuss it. It's very frustrating because I'm not getting any answers and I feel I need somexx
my OH has not admitted that he has any addictions to porn sex et cetera but he does admit he doesn't enjoy watching porn so could it be that he's addicted but doesn't realise it this is a second offence and it's taking him 10 years to reoffend that's the hard part to understand and when I tried to talk to him about what he's done, he just completely clams up and says he doesn't want to discuss it. It's very frustrating because I'm not getting any answers and I feel I need somexx
There are often different levels to our understanding of our own behaviour. There will be a surface level cognition, such as 'I was bored', 'I was depressed' etc.
Then underneath that, will be a subconcious trigger, probably linked to past trauma. Usually that trauma occured in childhood and was so long ago that the person has buried it away and all but forgotten about it.
But they haven't really forgotten about it. It only needs a trigger, for example stress at work, to bring those feelings back to the surface again. But here's where it gets messy, because the person won't necessarily make the link between what is happening now and what happened in their past. They will attribute their feelings to what is going on in their lives right now and not to the past event.
So they might think, 'I was depressed because of stress at work and that's why I did it'. However, once they go to therapy, the therapist will dig into that statement and uncover the person's core beliefs and where those beliefs came from.
Then underneath that, will be a subconcious trigger, probably linked to past trauma. Usually that trauma occured in childhood and was so long ago that the person has buried it away and all but forgotten about it.
But they haven't really forgotten about it. It only needs a trigger, for example stress at work, to bring those feelings back to the surface again. But here's where it gets messy, because the person won't necessarily make the link between what is happening now and what happened in their past. They will attribute their feelings to what is going on in their lives right now and not to the past event.
So they might think, 'I was depressed because of stress at work and that's why I did it'. However, once they go to therapy, the therapist will dig into that statement and uncover the person's core beliefs and where those beliefs came from.