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Don’t know what to think

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Distressed

Member since
October 2024

6 posts

Posted Thu October 31, 2024 7:42pmReport post

My childhood best friend has just pled guilty to possession of IIOC and I found out by seeing it in the paper. I am utterly shocked and sickened by this. He insists he's not the p-word but I can't wrap my head around this as he's admitted to me that he was having fantasy conversations with other people who sent him the images. How can both those things be true?

He also said he didn't look at the pictures and just deleted them. Would the police have charged him if that was true?

I don't see how I can trust anything he says since he kept this to himself for the last year and was around the children in my family till very recently, and never let on that this was happening.

Edited Fri November 1, 2024 8:52am

LosingIt

Member since
September 2024

144 posts

Posted Fri November 1, 2024 4:04pmReport post

I'm sorry you find yourself here it must be really difficult to see this side of someone you've known and valued for so long. From personal experience, the best things I can suggest is talk to them about it. Why did they feel the need to have these "chats".

It's often more complicated than it seems. A lot of men seem to seeking "approval" from online chats and engage in a variety of scenarios to try and get people to like them. In which case, he may well not have a preference for children.

Or, it's taboos that he gets his thrills from. Often men in chats talking about these things discuss perfectly legal kinks as well. It's a result of becoming desensitised to sex in an age of excessive porn consumption. Most men who comit these offences are 18-35 (pretty much the internet generation).

Equally, he may be doing it because he does have a sexual preference for children. Even in that instance, I think you have to treat this as a crime and a form of abuse - for sure - but also as an instance of someone who has a problem that likely has long-term psychological causes and triggers.

I guess in that case it boils down how far you can forgive him if he shows a willingness to address those issues and change. I would find it much more difficult if they refused to address their behaviour in any way and just wanted to sweep it under the rug. But I am fiercely loyal and I think there's no point to being a fair-weather friend. If someone has a problem, and is honest about that problem, they deserve help as well as punishment.

Edited Fri November 1, 2024 4:05pm

Molly dog

Member since
October 2023

56 posts

Posted Fri November 1, 2024 4:14pmReport post

I totally agree with losing it x

Lostandalone

Member since
September 2024

30 posts

Posted Fri November 1, 2024 5:47pmReport post

The last paragraph from Losing It. I'm going to remember that one.



I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's incredibly hard to begin to wrap your head around. My opinion changes to varying degrees daily (if not hourly) and I think very hard before I say anything becuase of this. All of the well wishes towards you

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sat November 2, 2024 11:45amReport post

Hi, my ex husband was convicted of downloading (therefore viewing) all categories. The Police proved that although he had Cat A images, they were not deliberately downloaded and were in amongst another file. In Court however, it wasn't a defence and he was convicted of having the Cat A images even though that file wasn't opened. Lead to a 3 year prison sentence. X