Torture
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This is torture. 4 months ago I got the knock. Thought my husband had been killed in a car crash as he was late home. Devices removed and I was advised that he'd been caught in a vigilante sting. I was left on my own with the request that I pick him up from the police station, some miles away and late at night. There has been no follow up, no consideration for my welfare, other than being told that my house was out on urgent response list in case of any trouble.
We had been married for over 30 years. Sadly no children. I am now on my own. Husband left home immediate, he lost his job. Facebook and local gossips, including an unpleasant family member ensured that the video and news of his arrest was rife within 24 hours.
He is away and able to focus on therapy and healing. I am here, alone and coping with the fallout with responsibility for home and pets and relationships.
In the very early days, whilst in shock, I managed to talk to my neighbours, friend and family. I wanted them to hear from me, the majority have been amazingly supportive. Only a few have distanced themselves and taken the video at face value. Something that his solicitor has strongly advised me not to do.
The waiting is torture. The lack of help and support from the authorities is shocking. My life has been torn apart. I didn't do this but I am the one that is being punished.
We had been married for over 30 years. Sadly no children. I am now on my own. Husband left home immediate, he lost his job. Facebook and local gossips, including an unpleasant family member ensured that the video and news of his arrest was rife within 24 hours.
He is away and able to focus on therapy and healing. I am here, alone and coping with the fallout with responsibility for home and pets and relationships.
In the very early days, whilst in shock, I managed to talk to my neighbours, friend and family. I wanted them to hear from me, the majority have been amazingly supportive. Only a few have distanced themselves and taken the video at face value. Something that his solicitor has strongly advised me not to do.
The waiting is torture. The lack of help and support from the authorities is shocking. My life has been torn apart. I didn't do this but I am the one that is being punished.
In the weeks since the knock I've spoken to the helpline, spoken to solicitors, read books and also websites, trying to make sense of it all. Why would the kind gentle man I love do such a thing. All he has admitted so far is porn addiction, which I was totally unaware of. He has been diagnosed with depression and work related stress. Therapy has uncovered that he had difficulty dealing with stress of work and family issues.
I just need to know exactly what he's done. I nee to know before I can make a decision on my future. But whatever it is, it won't be the comfortable relaxed and way retirement that we worked hard for.
I had retired early, but am going to start work again, once my brain is clearer. I am so scared. My best friend, my husband has really let me down.
I just need to know exactly what he's done. I nee to know before I can make a decision on my future. But whatever it is, it won't be the comfortable relaxed and way retirement that we worked hard for.
I had retired early, but am going to start work again, once my brain is clearer. I am so scared. My best friend, my husband has really let me down.
Tabs, I am so sorry to hear your story. Like many of us here you are now stuck waiting in the limbo. I am bang on 6 months today since the knock. I take a day at a time and I am not rushing into any decisions. For now I am supporting my husband who is doing all he can to get on top of his porn addiction that lead us to this point.
It's so hard and nothing much I can say will help you, but know that I am sending you a hug and strength. Xxx
It's so hard and nothing much I can say will help you, but know that I am sending you a hug and strength. Xxx
Thank you Dottie. So good to talk to someone who understands. I've not seen my husband since he left. Only talked on phone 3 times, and it was dreadful. So upsetting. He is a broken man. We now communicate through texts. The distance between us is not good. The vigilantes have done what they set out to do, destroying his life, but mine too. Sending hugs back.
Hi Lee1969,
thank you for responding. You sound amazingly strong and inspirational. Your husband is a lucky man to have you. Is he living with you or had to move away? How do you manage to communicate. I'm finding it really hard and emotional. He seems to be struggling to understand it himself. I'm starting to doubt all the years we've had together now, as he's becoming a stranger. He says he's not able to see me at the moment. Is that normal?
I will look at the thread you mention. Talking to people who know what it feels like is so much more helpful than talking to friends who are sympathetic but don't and can't understand. I think I'm probably driving them mad with my constant self questioning.
I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to post!
xxx
thank you for responding. You sound amazingly strong and inspirational. Your husband is a lucky man to have you. Is he living with you or had to move away? How do you manage to communicate. I'm finding it really hard and emotional. He seems to be struggling to understand it himself. I'm starting to doubt all the years we've had together now, as he's becoming a stranger. He says he's not able to see me at the moment. Is that normal?
I will look at the thread you mention. Talking to people who know what it feels like is so much more helpful than talking to friends who are sympathetic but don't and can't understand. I think I'm probably driving them mad with my constant self questioning.
I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to post!
xxx
I've set up a mumsnet account, Tabs2. I'd love to connect with people. I'm struggling to work my way through this ordeal. x
Hi Tabs
Am so sorry to read you have joined our club, but you will get so much help and support on here.
My partner was caught in a vigilante trap as well. He was the arrested in a town far away from where we live. I had no idea until I got the knock from the police at mid night that night. He told me he was away with his boss on a work trip.
it has been a hard time accepting what he's done. We have a 12 year old son together, who knows nothing about what happened.
He hid what he was doing very well and has since been diagnosed with a porn addiction.
He is a good man, will do anything for anybody, a brilliant dad, it was so hard to believe what he had done and why.
I will contact you on mumsnet if you want to chat more.
Sending you big hugs.
Mabel x x x
Am so sorry to read you have joined our club, but you will get so much help and support on here.
My partner was caught in a vigilante trap as well. He was the arrested in a town far away from where we live. I had no idea until I got the knock from the police at mid night that night. He told me he was away with his boss on a work trip.
it has been a hard time accepting what he's done. We have a 12 year old son together, who knows nothing about what happened.
He hid what he was doing very well and has since been diagnosed with a porn addiction.
He is a good man, will do anything for anybody, a brilliant dad, it was so hard to believe what he had done and why.
I will contact you on mumsnet if you want to chat more.
Sending you big hugs.
Mabel x x x
Sorry I forgot to say I'm Mabel111 on mumsnet x
Hi Mabel.
Thanks for your reply. The crime itself is awful but the vigilante aspect added on makes it's so much worse. It's out there, I'm being judged all the time. It's very hard. I'd love to chat more on mumsnet. I'm grateful for the support.xxx
Thanks for your reply. The crime itself is awful but the vigilante aspect added on makes it's so much worse. It's out there, I'm being judged all the time. It's very hard. I'd love to chat more on mumsnet. I'm grateful for the support.xxx
Hello Tabs really sorry for your situation, but trust me it will get better. We had the knock in Nov 2017, 2018 was a complete nightmaire with no news coming from anywhere. I was ringing cps every few months who kept telling me they were near completion of investigation and to continue as normal with our lives - well how could we?? The cps was very kind and did share what my hussband had been up to and so far what they had found. Like you and many others here on the forum couldnt believe i didnt know the man i had been married for 30 wonderful years. He worked nights i worked long days and at times we only saw each other as we were either coming from work or going to work, he had joined facebook groups who were sharing this kind of stuff and he got drawn into it. Later he shared that he did have pron addiction, he felt lonely, his sister had died abroad, he hadnt grieved... however this was no ecuse for his behaviour, that moring of the knock luckly he had taken the night off and 5am a troop of police cars ended ip outside our house and the rest is too painful to revisit.. he admitted to the allegations, the neighbours asked once and my son told them so story of anti terrorism mistaken identity! Neighbours have been fiine. Eventually in Dec 2018 cps called and said he would be charged, we went to court in Feb this year and he was given 10months suspended for 2 years. Togther we have accessed support form everywhere and now he is too afraid to go anywhere near the internet, he has got a job on days and we are rebuilding our lives. Stay strong, you have done nothing wrong! The people on this forum are so helpful and as stated in other posts above non judgemental. Sending big hugs xxx
Thank you for the response Fairandlovely. So good to hear that you are surviving this awful journey. Great that you have got through the long wait and are out the other side. How have things been for you in the community? Did news get out or were you lucky? How have your family and friends been? I worry that at each stage of this process it will all be stirred up again and I will never be able to escape it other than by moving and changing my name, with or without him. How do you learn to forgive and tebuild that trust again. At the moment I find it hard to believe or trust anything he says. My mind will not stop racing to more 'what ifs' .
i guess the same as everyone else here, this situation wasn't even on my radar. Ill health, death, financial problems, affairs etc, all those things are on our radar, and whilst overwhelming there are ways that we all deal with it, and people know how to handle you. But this is so dreadful, no one knows what to do or say. I feel like I'm dealing with a death, but without the support and love that comes with it, if you know what I mean?
Sorry, rambling and I can't see what I typed! I'm doing this on my phone as for some reason when I use my laptop, where I can see what I'm typing, I lose everything when I post!
Thank you! You give me some hope that I can get through this and that life can become some sort of normal again! xxx
i guess the same as everyone else here, this situation wasn't even on my radar. Ill health, death, financial problems, affairs etc, all those things are on our radar, and whilst overwhelming there are ways that we all deal with it, and people know how to handle you. But this is so dreadful, no one knows what to do or say. I feel like I'm dealing with a death, but without the support and love that comes with it, if you know what I mean?
Sorry, rambling and I can't see what I typed! I'm doing this on my phone as for some reason when I use my laptop, where I can see what I'm typing, I lose everything when I post!
Thank you! You give me some hope that I can get through this and that life can become some sort of normal again! xxx
Tabs we were very lucky as it did not hit the media radar and due to the nature of my job the investigating officer was very supportive and did ask for not be in an open court, i have to say the investigating offocer was my biggest support, i couldnt have got through it without her help of keeping the information flow going. The case was heard in open court but as my husband had pleaded guilty it took just about half an hour for the sentecing to happen. Prior to the sentencing we had to attend an interview with the probation officer who was then goiing to put in a recommendations report to the court. Again we were very lucky and the probation officer's report was in favour of community order or suspended sentence. At the time of the knock one of my children was home whist the other was working away. The one present has been very supportive to both of us which has made it easy to move on get all the help and most importantly he has not been judgemental, he feels his dad has made a mistake, he has been honest and says i know my dad he will put any of at risk of such a situation again. The older one does not know, we will tell him when the time is right. Our neighbours have been fine but as i said at the time of the knock my son told them that it was mistaken identity for anti terrorism. We are private people and have lived in the area for 30 years or so, it is mostly professional people that live in the area so busy lives which is a blessing when something like this happens. It is going to take a very long for life to return to what it was once, but i am not giving up and the important factor is hubby is now totally honest about how he feels about he has done. I have made it clear to him there will be no second chances.
my best wishes for you and keep posting it really does help, people here are awsome and helpful xxxx
my best wishes for you and keep posting it really does help, people here are awsome and helpful xxxx
I am so sorry to hear about the misery being caused to everyone concerned in these posts.
I cannot think of a "crime" which causes so much unhappiness to both the accused and their family ut of all proportion to the alleged offence,especially the children who will bear the scars throughout their life.
The authorities know about this but allow it to continue,I suspect because those involved have a vested interest in keeping it going,not stopping it.
I am going through my own torture,but no one cares,especially Lucy Faithfull.
I cannot think of a "crime" which causes so much unhappiness to both the accused and their family ut of all proportion to the alleged offence,especially the children who will bear the scars throughout their life.
The authorities know about this but allow it to continue,I suspect because those involved have a vested interest in keeping it going,not stopping it.
I am going through my own torture,but no one cares,especially Lucy Faithfull.
Hi Class31,
I agree that this crime is dealt with so harshly. My husband is undergoing therapy and he is tortured. He believes he is a truly wicked man and deserves the very worst. I read about this porn addiction and it all makes sense, how people turn to porn online and get pulled in to this awful world, and then can't talk to anyone to get help. The 'offenders' are treated by society as if they committed tape or murder or contact. The label of a sex offender doesn't discriminate between contact and non contact.
the waiting for police investigation is awful and I'm not far into it yet. It feels like the authorities want to punish us all.
I was told by a solicitor that these men that are 'low hanging fruit' easy to pick off. Those really wanting to do and see truly awful things go on the dark web and cannot be caught, if they keep software up to date! That's horrifying. The truly dangerous people are out there, and because resources are being spent on men who have real mental health issues with addiction are being punished and not cured.
The recent campaign for mental health is laughable. We are both having to pay for our own therapy, or we would have to wait months. How is that ever right? We are lucky to be able to somehow find the money. But that is our pension pot disappearing. We will need support now in our old age. None of this makes sense.
The lack of support generally is appalling. But no one seems to be trying to change this. It's easier to include these, mostly men, on the statistics to show 'sexual offenders' being arrested, and label them paedophiles for the rest of their lives.
Until this happened to me I had no idea of this 'world'. The justice system needs to take a good look at it. As you say the damage that is being done to everyone, but particularly children of 'offenders'. And the aim is to 'protect children'?!!!
But what can we do? I do not not have enough energy to survive day to day. It's emotionally exhausting.
I hope you're ok? Sounds like you're having it tough too.
X
I agree that this crime is dealt with so harshly. My husband is undergoing therapy and he is tortured. He believes he is a truly wicked man and deserves the very worst. I read about this porn addiction and it all makes sense, how people turn to porn online and get pulled in to this awful world, and then can't talk to anyone to get help. The 'offenders' are treated by society as if they committed tape or murder or contact. The label of a sex offender doesn't discriminate between contact and non contact.
the waiting for police investigation is awful and I'm not far into it yet. It feels like the authorities want to punish us all.
I was told by a solicitor that these men that are 'low hanging fruit' easy to pick off. Those really wanting to do and see truly awful things go on the dark web and cannot be caught, if they keep software up to date! That's horrifying. The truly dangerous people are out there, and because resources are being spent on men who have real mental health issues with addiction are being punished and not cured.
The recent campaign for mental health is laughable. We are both having to pay for our own therapy, or we would have to wait months. How is that ever right? We are lucky to be able to somehow find the money. But that is our pension pot disappearing. We will need support now in our old age. None of this makes sense.
The lack of support generally is appalling. But no one seems to be trying to change this. It's easier to include these, mostly men, on the statistics to show 'sexual offenders' being arrested, and label them paedophiles for the rest of their lives.
Until this happened to me I had no idea of this 'world'. The justice system needs to take a good look at it. As you say the damage that is being done to everyone, but particularly children of 'offenders'. And the aim is to 'protect children'?!!!
But what can we do? I do not not have enough energy to survive day to day. It's emotionally exhausting.
I hope you're ok? Sounds like you're having it tough too.
X
Hello Tabs,at last someone with some common sense.Everyone should pester their MP,especially MPs who are members of those parties wanting to give 16 year olds the vote.
I have contacted mine,but of course nothing will happen until after 12th December.As I have already said,this is an industry with vested interests not wanting to change it.
I have ideas to drastically reduce the incidence of this type of offence,they are radical,but are guaranteed to work if the police and others cooperate.
Thanks for your good wishes,I am just about hanging on,have contacted the helpline and samaritans,but talk is not very helpful,I believe that actions speak louder than words.
I have contacted mine,but of course nothing will happen until after 12th December.As I have already said,this is an industry with vested interests not wanting to change it.
I have ideas to drastically reduce the incidence of this type of offence,they are radical,but are guaranteed to work if the police and others cooperate.
Thanks for your good wishes,I am just about hanging on,have contacted the helpline and samaritans,but talk is not very helpful,I believe that actions speak louder than words.
Dear Tabs - your situation sounds most like mine, apart from that your husband is away from home and you are having to deal with this alone. I feel for you the knock only happened a week ago but I can see where I'm likely to be at 4 months from now - reading these posts. My husband of 40 yrs is home and we are having so many frank and honest talks about his porn addiction. I DO find the fact that he found images of prepubescent girls sexually arousing BuT I also know him to be a kind a nd honest man who tries his best to be a good man. He failed spectacularly in this area but thank god the police have stopped him and he can now get help. He is a broken man but I will stand by him. I cannot tolerate a relapse but he says he never wants to go near the Internet unsupervised again. He was never very sophisticated as far as technology goes so I guess he was an 'easy catch'. I seem to be going on about me again when I wanrted to offer support to YOU Tabs. My heart goes out to you - stay strong.
Hi Tutleymutley, I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. I'm sure you're like me In that it came as a huge shock. The men we have loved all these years have been hiding such dark secrets. I'm so sorry that your husband has tried to end his life, I hope he's getting the support he needs? I have been disappointed with the lack of support for me trial health care for both of us. He needs it. How can he not? I had one session and didn't find it at all useful. But I guess I've had to talk about it all, as it's out there.
I hope you're getting good support too from friends? At least you don't have to say what is going on. I have found some people just hear the basic information and don't want to know anymore. I do have a lot of friends though that want to learn more. And are not judgmental.
It's hard him being away. I worry constantly about him. It's like a harsh punishment already, pre-trial, to be banished far from everyone who cares for him. Chriatmas will be awful.
I'm finding the waiting for police to get on with it awful. There's no clear timescales so planning anything is really hard.
I know more than I ever want to know about all of this. It scares me that this is a growing 'crime'. Just educating children isn't enough, us adults need education as well. This is seriously lacking.
Keep strong, I'm trying very hard. And I pray every day that life will be 'normal' one day, whatever that will look like. Take care.
tabs Xx
I hope you're getting good support too from friends? At least you don't have to say what is going on. I have found some people just hear the basic information and don't want to know anymore. I do have a lot of friends though that want to learn more. And are not judgmental.
It's hard him being away. I worry constantly about him. It's like a harsh punishment already, pre-trial, to be banished far from everyone who cares for him. Chriatmas will be awful.
I'm finding the waiting for police to get on with it awful. There's no clear timescales so planning anything is really hard.
I know more than I ever want to know about all of this. It scares me that this is a growing 'crime'. Just educating children isn't enough, us adults need education as well. This is seriously lacking.
Keep strong, I'm trying very hard. And I pray every day that life will be 'normal' one day, whatever that will look like. Take care.
tabs Xx
Thank you so much Tabs SHOCK is right. My adrenal glands have been working overtime / I feel like I've done ten rounds with Mike Tyson or walked 50 miles come bed time every night.
I'm pleased that you do have the support of lovely non judgmental friends who want to understand with you. It says a lot about you. And I'm sad that your partner is suffering with his guilt alone -as it really isn't all he is, I am positive.
what session did you find 'not useful'? I'm curious.
most of all I totally agree with your paragraph starting in know more than I ever want to know...'. I'm right with you.
you stay strong too and know my thoughts are with you - all of us stuck in this limbo. I feel so fortunate to still have my partner of 40 yrs at home with me - and that we're having honest and heartfelt talks about his problem and how to move on and step towards the light. He's pleading guilty to looking at iioc so no matter how long the police take we can be looking at ways to deal with his compulsive behaviour. He's even come up with ideas himself (like no unsupervised access to the internet).
you stay strong too Tabs. You are not alone.
I'm pleased that you do have the support of lovely non judgmental friends who want to understand with you. It says a lot about you. And I'm sad that your partner is suffering with his guilt alone -as it really isn't all he is, I am positive.
what session did you find 'not useful'? I'm curious.
most of all I totally agree with your paragraph starting in know more than I ever want to know...'. I'm right with you.
you stay strong too and know my thoughts are with you - all of us stuck in this limbo. I feel so fortunate to still have my partner of 40 yrs at home with me - and that we're having honest and heartfelt talks about his problem and how to move on and step towards the light. He's pleading guilty to looking at iioc so no matter how long the police take we can be looking at ways to deal with his compulsive behaviour. He's even come up with ideas himself (like no unsupervised access to the internet).
you stay strong too Tabs. You are not alone.
If anyone here cares about anyone else not yet caught up in this horrofic business (because that is what it is for the solicitors) email this man...Simon Bailey.
He is Chief constable of Norfolk police and a "high up" in "stopping" IIOC offences.
He was mentioned in the R4 programme "The boy in the video",probably now available on BBC sounds which chronicled one woman's experience of being innocently caught up in this because a "friend" sent her a cat A video.
She was eventually not charged,the friend was but those more difficult to catch were not pursued.Our wonderful police.It will give you something to do and take your mind off the hurt and if enough of us pester those who can do something,hopefully it will spur them into action.
I have considred action rather like "Fathers for justice" to get my message across.This law is a scandal and needs sorting.
He is Chief constable of Norfolk police and a "high up" in "stopping" IIOC offences.
He was mentioned in the R4 programme "The boy in the video",probably now available on BBC sounds which chronicled one woman's experience of being innocently caught up in this because a "friend" sent her a cat A video.
She was eventually not charged,the friend was but those more difficult to catch were not pursued.Our wonderful police.It will give you something to do and take your mind off the hurt and if enough of us pester those who can do something,hopefully it will spur them into action.
I have considred action rather like "Fathers for justice" to get my message across.This law is a scandal and needs sorting.
Thank you Class31. I will be emailing. No one deserves to go through this hell and if we can make a change for others at least sorting good can come of our experiences.
It's impossible writing these posts as I can't see what I've written before I post! Another frustration! ????
Hi Tabs and Class31
I was under the impression that the police officer got are talking about did indeed want to prevent things from happening but only around vigilantes as he feels the actually cause more trouble than they help.
I don't think it's around him wanting to stop offenders being charged or the police keeping an eye out for people sourcing iioc
Obviously I'm not saying don't email because that's your progative
Best of luck
I was under the impression that the police officer got are talking about did indeed want to prevent things from happening but only around vigilantes as he feels the actually cause more trouble than they help.
I don't think it's around him wanting to stop offenders being charged or the police keeping an eye out for people sourcing iioc
Obviously I'm not saying don't email because that's your progative
Best of luck
Yes,and the more who email,eventually something will be done,contact your MP also.
Class 31
MP's won't do anything this side of the election, I had already emailed mine but of course everything is cancelled until after the 12th so don't waste your time!
MP's won't do anything this side of the election, I had already emailed mine but of course everything is cancelled until after the 12th so don't waste your time!
Hi Tutleymutley,
I paid to have a therapy session. I did my find it that useful. I think it may be because of the vigilante involvement, the information about my husband was very public very quickly so I've felt I needed to discuss with friends and family. Each time is like a mini therapy session! It may be useful down the line a bit, and also when I get to see my husband. I'd rather the money be spent on his therapy as he is the one who needs to understand what happened and why, to avoid any 'triggers'. Whatever happens with our marriage, I can't walk away from my best friend without getting him as much help as I can.
I have also come to the realisation that I will need to move from my home. Either to start up on my own, or together. If I'm on my own, I don't want this to define me. People, always saying 'she's the wife of......'
This is such a life changing event.
Hope you're doing ok?
x
I paid to have a therapy session. I did my find it that useful. I think it may be because of the vigilante involvement, the information about my husband was very public very quickly so I've felt I needed to discuss with friends and family. Each time is like a mini therapy session! It may be useful down the line a bit, and also when I get to see my husband. I'd rather the money be spent on his therapy as he is the one who needs to understand what happened and why, to avoid any 'triggers'. Whatever happens with our marriage, I can't walk away from my best friend without getting him as much help as I can.
I have also come to the realisation that I will need to move from my home. Either to start up on my own, or together. If I'm on my own, I don't want this to define me. People, always saying 'she's the wife of......'
This is such a life changing event.
Hope you're doing ok?
x
Tracey,with that attitude,they will do nothing,we have to keep on aggravating them to do something.I have already sent my (radical) but effective ideas to Simon Bailey.All that evil needs to flourish is for good (wo)men to do nothing.
I just wrote a long response and got timed out - so it disappeared. Sigh.
Class31
You are actually incredibly rude, do not call my attitude
or anything else about me into question.
You have no idea what I am and aren't doing about this situation and as I said before the MP won't do anything until after the election, everything is put on hold so actually you're wading your time and would be better doing it first thing in the be year.
I actually have been involved in some fairly ground breaking things to do with everyone's situation, you are very quiet about sharing your story, I understand this to an extent but as you're so vocal about other things perhaps your could be a little vocal about that as well.
As has been said to you on many many occasions this is a support forum, not an insulting, stirring up crap forum
Please stop with your campaign, this isn't the place, we have enough to manage without this
You are actually incredibly rude, do not call my attitude
or anything else about me into question.
You have no idea what I am and aren't doing about this situation and as I said before the MP won't do anything until after the election, everything is put on hold so actually you're wading your time and would be better doing it first thing in the be year.
I actually have been involved in some fairly ground breaking things to do with everyone's situation, you are very quiet about sharing your story, I understand this to an extent but as you're so vocal about other things perhaps your could be a little vocal about that as well.
As has been said to you on many many occasions this is a support forum, not an insulting, stirring up crap forum
Please stop with your campaign, this isn't the place, we have enough to manage without this
Tabs, I really feel for you. It's almost 4 months in for me and I don't know exactly what my husband has done. It's looking like I'll never know. It feels as though I'll be living in limbo and always wondering what the truth really is. I NEED to know the truth but I know I'll never get it from him. I really hope you get the answers you need x
Hi Seamack
I was the same, I had to know. I know that's not for everyone and that's what makes this situation unique but even though we may want different things, we get it, we understand.
The only way I found it was through the court process which was harrowing but for me with it!
Trouble is your can only find that information about court appearances etc either through your ex or the police but if he doesn't want you to be kept informed generally they won't tell you
Xx
I was the same, I had to know. I know that's not for everyone and that's what makes this situation unique but even though we may want different things, we get it, we understand.
The only way I found it was through the court process which was harrowing but for me with it!
Trouble is your can only find that information about court appearances etc either through your ex or the police but if he doesn't want you to be kept informed generally they won't tell you
Xx
Hi Tracey, he had lied to me and to the police and considering the fact he has destroyed everything, there won't be a court case, the bastard won't even get a slap on the wrist. He has only told me face to face what he had on his computers. He actually said if the police had got hold of his computers he would have gone to prison. The fact he is going to get away with it is killing me. It's so wrong. I'll message you on mumsnet later. Sending you a hug x
Seamack
My heart goes out to you. If I didn't see remorse or know exactly what he had on the devices I'd be in bits. It's only that my husband has been completely honest and remorseful that I'm sticking by him.
My heart goes out to you. If I didn't see remorse or know exactly what he had on the devices I'd be in bits. It's only that my husband has been completely honest and remorseful that I'm sticking by him.
Tabs and seamack
Look me up on Mumsnet if you want to that is.
Name is poobear86
Look me up on Mumsnet if you want to that is.
Name is poobear86
Seamack, it's pants isn't it!!
Message me whenever you like my friend xx
Message me whenever you like my friend xx