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Hi all,
A vigilante group set up conversations with my husband, knocked on our door, videoed it and put it on social media. My husband was arrested for conversations with under age people. His bail conditions didn't allow unsupervised contact with our 2 children. His bail ended and restrictions have been removed. We are staying strong as a family despite having lost a lot of our support network who were quick to form their opinions. We are both having counselling which is helping both especially him understand why he did what he did. He's going through a csafe assessment with social services. There's a children in need plan and I am also attending a csafe group course. Social worker visits every 3-4 weeks to check on children and both kids doing well at school with no concerns there.
It's been a lonely time having lost alot of my friends who didn't understand why I am standing by him. I am doing it for me and feel people haven't respected my decision and shunned me and the kids for my choice.
We know the legal outcome will be what will be but it's the social services outcome that worries us most. We think he will be classed as low/medium risk on this assessment. We have lost a lot as a family and really want to come through the other side. Any other experience with regards to what a low/medium risk would entail?
At the moment, he's not allowed to be on the school grounds and I am doing school runs, attending meetings. If he's put on the SOR, would that mean he can never do a school pick up/drop off?
Sorry for the ramble, I just have had a lot on my mind and having looked at the amazing posts, replies I am hoping to find someone else in a similar situation and to understand what the future holds for us.
Thanks in advance.
A vigilante group set up conversations with my husband, knocked on our door, videoed it and put it on social media. My husband was arrested for conversations with under age people. His bail conditions didn't allow unsupervised contact with our 2 children. His bail ended and restrictions have been removed. We are staying strong as a family despite having lost a lot of our support network who were quick to form their opinions. We are both having counselling which is helping both especially him understand why he did what he did. He's going through a csafe assessment with social services. There's a children in need plan and I am also attending a csafe group course. Social worker visits every 3-4 weeks to check on children and both kids doing well at school with no concerns there.
It's been a lonely time having lost alot of my friends who didn't understand why I am standing by him. I am doing it for me and feel people haven't respected my decision and shunned me and the kids for my choice.
We know the legal outcome will be what will be but it's the social services outcome that worries us most. We think he will be classed as low/medium risk on this assessment. We have lost a lot as a family and really want to come through the other side. Any other experience with regards to what a low/medium risk would entail?
At the moment, he's not allowed to be on the school grounds and I am doing school runs, attending meetings. If he's put on the SOR, would that mean he can never do a school pick up/drop off?
Sorry for the ramble, I just have had a lot on my mind and having looked at the amazing posts, replies I am hoping to find someone else in a similar situation and to understand what the future holds for us.
Thanks in advance.
Hi mashaal
have you contacted the helpline? unfortunately even with NFA social services may still end up in your life, I think they can re-open your case of and when anything changes. I get the impression that it very much depends on the outcomes, any restrictions your person may get and the individual schools whether they allow your person to do school runs in future. Please remember they have to safeguard ALL children in the school and unfortunately once your person is flagged up as a risk they have to act on it. Please don't take it to heart as something against you or your children.
have you contacted the helpline? unfortunately even with NFA social services may still end up in your life, I think they can re-open your case of and when anything changes. I get the impression that it very much depends on the outcomes, any restrictions your person may get and the individual schools whether they allow your person to do school runs in future. Please remember they have to safeguard ALL children in the school and unfortunately once your person is flagged up as a risk they have to act on it. Please don't take it to heart as something against you or your children.
Not sure if i can help much / especially dealing with SS, child welfare etc as my circumstances are different.
But newer post always get to me and just want to offer you a hand of friendship. I know your head must be bursting with worry and sadness - it's heartbreaking when people desert you at the drop of a hat like this and it's not your fault, you haven't changed you are still the same person.
very very hard but try not to take on all the world, it sounds great you are both trying to take brave positive steps forward. We must say it daily but to avoid overload on this journey do your best to strive for one day at a time.
keep strong x
But newer post always get to me and just want to offer you a hand of friendship. I know your head must be bursting with worry and sadness - it's heartbreaking when people desert you at the drop of a hat like this and it's not your fault, you haven't changed you are still the same person.
very very hard but try not to take on all the world, it sounds great you are both trying to take brave positive steps forward. We must say it daily but to avoid overload on this journey do your best to strive for one day at a time.
keep strong x
Hi, I'm not sure how far you are into your journey but the fact you're asking about what life will look like once assessed suggests you might be a way through. Probation use a scoring matrix to assess the level of risk. Some people will be scored as medium due to factors which they cannot control, for example, their age.
Once sentenced the restrictions imposed on your person will be more to do with their SHPO than their risk scoring. For example, if the SHPO states, 'no unsupervised contact with under 18's', it wouldn't matter what the the risk score was as that is the restriction your person has to adhere to.
Is it the school who have said that your person can't go onto the school grounds? If it is it's likely to be the schools policy which they might agree to review for you once sentencing has taken place. My persons ViSOR liaised with the school on his behalf and he is now able to go onto the school grounds with supervised contact as his SHPO states no unsupervised contact with under 18's.
I hope this helps.
Once sentenced the restrictions imposed on your person will be more to do with their SHPO than their risk scoring. For example, if the SHPO states, 'no unsupervised contact with under 18's', it wouldn't matter what the the risk score was as that is the restriction your person has to adhere to.
Is it the school who have said that your person can't go onto the school grounds? If it is it's likely to be the schools policy which they might agree to review for you once sentencing has taken place. My persons ViSOR liaised with the school on his behalf and he is now able to go onto the school grounds with supervised contact as his SHPO states no unsupervised contact with under 18's.
I hope this helps.
Hi Mashaal, I could've written this with the way you feel and what you've lost by staying. It's heartbreaking! My OH's case is different to yours but similar feelings. The reality is that unless it happens to you or your immediate family, you can't even begin to imagine what you would do or how you would react, people might think they know but they don't so let them have their opinions and try not to let it bother you. I had next to no social work involvement at the time or after sentencing so I can't relate too much but I think if supervision has been lifted now then it's unlikely it would be put back in place later. We have been told by social work to go to the park and the nativity and asked why he is not going to parent contact and that's after he is on the register, we choose not to do those things because his case was in the media and we wouldn't feel safe never mind other people. Also, at sentencing the judge said no unsupervised around under 18's, we got this changed within a few weeks because it was unnecessary. Take it day by day and work with people but put your guard up when you think you need to, to protect yourself.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Its a very lonely place. We had our first Children in Need meeting with Ss, school last week. OH attended via Teams.
SS said if the outcome of the CSafe assessment that OH is undergoing is positive, they will step away. 10 year starts secondary school next September, we had to apply and let schools know for information only that hes on a CIN plan. SW said she didn't think he would be on a plan come September, so the new schools didn't need to know anymore than information basis. This did sound positive as we have no idea when it will be all go to court etc. We have no idea on when evidence has been gathered, so could be waiting a while.
It is the school that has put the restriction in place now and do understand why they would. I do the school runs anyways but would be nice to have a back up in case I am delayed at work, or when there are performances etc for both kids. Ah well, there's more important things to be worrying about I guess.
In the meantime, both of us are going through counselling which is really helping, and staying strong as a family.
It's just a very lonely place to be.
SS said if the outcome of the CSafe assessment that OH is undergoing is positive, they will step away. 10 year starts secondary school next September, we had to apply and let schools know for information only that hes on a CIN plan. SW said she didn't think he would be on a plan come September, so the new schools didn't need to know anymore than information basis. This did sound positive as we have no idea when it will be all go to court etc. We have no idea on when evidence has been gathered, so could be waiting a while.
It is the school that has put the restriction in place now and do understand why they would. I do the school runs anyways but would be nice to have a back up in case I am delayed at work, or when there are performances etc for both kids. Ah well, there's more important things to be worrying about I guess.
In the meantime, both of us are going through counselling which is really helping, and staying strong as a family.
It's just a very lonely place to be.