So angry, he lied to me
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i just discovered that he was using the darkweb to access images. I was listening to a podcast on how they investigate online abusers and they mentioned the name of the browser you need to access the darkweb and my heart dropped. I've seen it on his desktop. I even asked what it was and he told me it was animation program. It's been on his laptop for a while and I never thought to open it.
I'm so angry. I've spent my time since reporting worried about him thinking this has just started and hearing him pleading "this isn't me, please" over and over. I've bearly eaten, having trouble sleeping and feeling sick all the time. I'm struggling having dreams about him and what I found, hoping this was just the beginning and he'd be able to get help and stop. I've felt guilty for reporting him because of how it would effect his life and the impact on his family.
While turns out this has been going on for a while and he knew the impact of adding to the demand online because I've spoken about it several times to him and how it breaks my heart that children and family don't know their being groomed to add to the supply. He never said anything out of the ordinary or in defence or devils advocate during these conversations. I feel so sick looking back on it. I was going to have children with him, would he have abused them and posted it online. The idea makes my skin crawl.
I'm so angry. I've spent my time since reporting worried about him thinking this has just started and hearing him pleading "this isn't me, please" over and over. I've bearly eaten, having trouble sleeping and feeling sick all the time. I'm struggling having dreams about him and what I found, hoping this was just the beginning and he'd be able to get help and stop. I've felt guilty for reporting him because of how it would effect his life and the impact on his family.
While turns out this has been going on for a while and he knew the impact of adding to the demand online because I've spoken about it several times to him and how it breaks my heart that children and family don't know their being groomed to add to the supply. He never said anything out of the ordinary or in defence or devils advocate during these conversations. I feel so sick looking back on it. I was going to have children with him, would he have abused them and posted it online. The idea makes my skin crawl.
Hello,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
If you haven't already done so, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support and do their best to answer your questions. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
If you haven't already done so, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support and do their best to answer your questions. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy