There is hope with social services
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Hi, to those that feel they are stuck and there is no light at the end of the tunnel with regards to husbands ect moving back home, there is and I feel like my story will give hope. Bit of a long one.
*Partner arrested Oct 2019 for 1 cat C image.
*Released under investigation, allowed to move back home with 2yr old and 9yr old.
*Re arrested Jan 2021 after phone had been searched and more that the 1 image was found. CAT A B & C, videos and images. Chat room communication asking for links ect and someone asked the age of our children and he wrote the ages and even mentioned he likes it when my daughter had friends sleep over(nit that he was ever home when she had them, he'd be working nights)
-second phone seized for investigation
*Oct 2023 - called into the station (2 cat c images on the second phone)
*court Feb 2024 - some how got a 2yr suspended sentence (still amazed, considering he searched more images whilst released under investigation!-2 cat C) -no media, again amazed as this would've been a good story considering he searched images again!
* social services involved Mar 2024. We built a good relationship, I needed to suck it up for the first few weeks as I felt defensive, had to kid myself that I liked her so I wouldn't be defensive but actually she was really nice and empathetic once I let my guard down to see her and listen to her. We did what was asked of us(we wanted to do the things regardless of professionals asking, she was great at signposting help I didn't know was avaliable, signed up the councilling, wait list for husband to do LFF therapy, signed up for CAMHS for children ect)
*Oct 2024, Child in Need closed and he has moved back home. (all of the above we are still on waiting lists for)
We've done a lot as a couple to get through all of the above, including me understandjng more about his past and his mental health.
But yes, after all of the above he is home.
Deep breaths, there is hope, try to relax and see them as helping you to get to your end goal, remember if you feel your sw is not moving you forward you can request a new one, your situation shouldn't become stagnant, there should be a plan that keeps you moving to your end goal.
I hope this helped at least one person to feel more hopeful within the darkness that this situation brings.
Lots of Love x
*Partner arrested Oct 2019 for 1 cat C image.
*Released under investigation, allowed to move back home with 2yr old and 9yr old.
*Re arrested Jan 2021 after phone had been searched and more that the 1 image was found. CAT A B & C, videos and images. Chat room communication asking for links ect and someone asked the age of our children and he wrote the ages and even mentioned he likes it when my daughter had friends sleep over(nit that he was ever home when she had them, he'd be working nights)
-second phone seized for investigation
*Oct 2023 - called into the station (2 cat c images on the second phone)
*court Feb 2024 - some how got a 2yr suspended sentence (still amazed, considering he searched more images whilst released under investigation!-2 cat C) -no media, again amazed as this would've been a good story considering he searched images again!
* social services involved Mar 2024. We built a good relationship, I needed to suck it up for the first few weeks as I felt defensive, had to kid myself that I liked her so I wouldn't be defensive but actually she was really nice and empathetic once I let my guard down to see her and listen to her. We did what was asked of us(we wanted to do the things regardless of professionals asking, she was great at signposting help I didn't know was avaliable, signed up the councilling, wait list for husband to do LFF therapy, signed up for CAMHS for children ect)
*Oct 2024, Child in Need closed and he has moved back home. (all of the above we are still on waiting lists for)
We've done a lot as a couple to get through all of the above, including me understandjng more about his past and his mental health.
But yes, after all of the above he is home.
Deep breaths, there is hope, try to relax and see them as helping you to get to your end goal, remember if you feel your sw is not moving you forward you can request a new one, your situation shouldn't become stagnant, there should be a plan that keeps you moving to your end goal.
I hope this helped at least one person to feel more hopeful within the darkness that this situation brings.
Lots of Love x
Thank you for sharing the your experience. I also feel my social worker has been helpful and more than fair. My husband and I have both done a lot of work and have been open and honest with her. We've shared assessments, etc. Willingly. There are good ones out there.
Sadandworried
Sorry I will be very careful in bringing another kids to your house ...playdates or sleep over. If your OH has addiction...you please be careful ...
Sorry I will be very careful in bringing another kids to your house ...playdates or sleep over. If your OH has addiction...you please be careful ...
I'm guessing / hoping SS signed off on a safety plan which involves other children not coming over? But that must be quite isolating!
I'm still in the waiting on forensics (14 months!) stage and OH swears up & down they'll only find one immediately deleted thing on one date he didn't sseek out blah blah, but for me a big factor in separating from him was the sense that I'd never be able to have other under-18s over in good conscience (even if SS ever allowed it!), and the sense that that was very unfair on my own children.
I'm still in the waiting on forensics (14 months!) stage and OH swears up & down they'll only find one immediately deleted thing on one date he didn't sseek out blah blah, but for me a big factor in separating from him was the sense that I'd never be able to have other under-18s over in good conscience (even if SS ever allowed it!), and the sense that that was very unfair on my own children.
Hi,
Nothing from social services about other children coming into our home, however, I want my children to still have a social life and for this to interrupt their childhood as little as possible so I have my children's friends over for dinner and for sleepovers BUT, BIG BUT, he is NEVER ever here when friends are, they wouldn't be able to pick him out of a crowd. He stays somewhere else. Even with me in the situation ect I would be devastated if my children were in a house with someone like my partner and I didn't have a clue! I couldn't do that to another family. My children's friends are perfectly safe with me as the adult in the house, my children are very happy having there friends over, my conscious is clear from the set up of him not existing in their friends eyes and my partner needs to just deal with this inconvenience(and he happily does) as he is soley responsibility.
xx
Nothing from social services about other children coming into our home, however, I want my children to still have a social life and for this to interrupt their childhood as little as possible so I have my children's friends over for dinner and for sleepovers BUT, BIG BUT, he is NEVER ever here when friends are, they wouldn't be able to pick him out of a crowd. He stays somewhere else. Even with me in the situation ect I would be devastated if my children were in a house with someone like my partner and I didn't have a clue! I couldn't do that to another family. My children's friends are perfectly safe with me as the adult in the house, my children are very happy having there friends over, my conscious is clear from the set up of him not existing in their friends eyes and my partner needs to just deal with this inconvenience(and he happily does) as he is soley responsibility.
xx
Sad and Worried, I think you are doing an amazing job protecting your kids and their friends. You should be proud of yourself and rest easy. Like you, kids will always be safe under my supervision. My husband has a sex addiction, which he is successfully managing with therapy and a twelve step support group. Knowledge is power, and learning more about why he interacted with illegal content is helping both of us. Like you, I allow my kids to plan friends coming over and my husband leaves. I've decided not to allow my kids sleepovers anymore, but that has more to do with what happens between children after hours (drinking, looking up pornography, generally getting up to no good). My kids are teens and I know what I was doing at sleepovers at that age and it was nothing good. I do believe sleepovers can be safe and fun when handled appropriately. Take care and enjoy your family!
I'm probably not meant to say this, but how do you manage to be even in the same room as him knowing he discussed your children and their friends with paedophiles, even 'briefly'? I understand that in my ex's case there was some kind of conversation, and I've told him straight that I and the children will go fully NC if they have come up in it in any way at all. I'm already very seriously inclined to go NC if I see solid evidence that he is seeking out this material intentionally at all. At the moment I supervise his contact with them and it all really haunts me.
SadandWorried....I know its been a couple weeks since youve posted this but can i just say how much this has given me hope.
We got the knock November 2023 and they put us on a CIN whilst a report was done based on "allegation only". It was closed January this year with a safety plan in place that i supervised outside the home and his parents could also supervise.
We've stuck to everything and now we are at the stage of being passed Magistrates and a plea hearing at crown court with sentancing due mid January (his barrister asked if it could be pushed back until after the festive period so he could enjoy family time) and judge was happy for that.
Hes being charged for an adult attempt to commuicate with a child under the age of 16 (police decoy via snapchat and chat was 1 a4 page) and 3xcategory b and 1xcategory c but the judge said she was focusing on the communciation charge.
Judge told his barrister that it was not going to be custodial and that starting point was 18 month suspended or a high community order and that was without a pre sentance report or other migitaing facotrs (due to get pre sentance report after new year). He also got no Conditions and to "enjoy his time with is family". He then went to sign the SOR straight from the court.
Got a call from social today and expressed i wanted to work with them for him to come home. she didnt seem impressed and told me that we would need a full risk assessment and if i agreed which i did. I feel ive done all i can in the lead up to this to prove that i am taking this seriously and i am a protective factor and hes done alot of work on himself.
we are now awaiting for a social worker to be in touch to start this journey on assessments but the person i spoke to expressed how "she cant see how it would work as id have to manage 3 children on my own around him". It really put me down and into a spiral as i know i can cope with that and i have done so many steps to prove that and she seems to made that judgement without even seeing me and she wasnt even going to be our social worker.
So thank you so much for giving me hope that there can be light for our family to return back to how i feel it should be as my children are now feeling the affects of dad not being home for 13 months.
maybe there is light after all xx
We got the knock November 2023 and they put us on a CIN whilst a report was done based on "allegation only". It was closed January this year with a safety plan in place that i supervised outside the home and his parents could also supervise.
We've stuck to everything and now we are at the stage of being passed Magistrates and a plea hearing at crown court with sentancing due mid January (his barrister asked if it could be pushed back until after the festive period so he could enjoy family time) and judge was happy for that.
Hes being charged for an adult attempt to commuicate with a child under the age of 16 (police decoy via snapchat and chat was 1 a4 page) and 3xcategory b and 1xcategory c but the judge said she was focusing on the communciation charge.
Judge told his barrister that it was not going to be custodial and that starting point was 18 month suspended or a high community order and that was without a pre sentance report or other migitaing facotrs (due to get pre sentance report after new year). He also got no Conditions and to "enjoy his time with is family". He then went to sign the SOR straight from the court.
Got a call from social today and expressed i wanted to work with them for him to come home. she didnt seem impressed and told me that we would need a full risk assessment and if i agreed which i did. I feel ive done all i can in the lead up to this to prove that i am taking this seriously and i am a protective factor and hes done alot of work on himself.
we are now awaiting for a social worker to be in touch to start this journey on assessments but the person i spoke to expressed how "she cant see how it would work as id have to manage 3 children on my own around him". It really put me down and into a spiral as i know i can cope with that and i have done so many steps to prove that and she seems to made that judgement without even seeing me and she wasnt even going to be our social worker.
So thank you so much for giving me hope that there can be light for our family to return back to how i feel it should be as my children are now feeling the affects of dad not being home for 13 months.
maybe there is light after all xx