In shock
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It's such an awful situation to be in. I felt like you about my husband, hes amazing I always told everyone how amazing he was/is but now hes on the sex offenders register. Hes still amazing in every other way but wow what a blow it was to discover his online behaviour. I was not unaware of my husbands fantasies (nothing related to teens or kids), I knew he watched porn occasionally, I'd even a very long time ago caught him chatting to women online, I was furious but thought it was just a blip. In reality I was aware of the very tip of the iceberg, while none of his online behaviour was illegal it was shocking to me. I really did not like hearing about any of it, how could my lovely husband have a porn addiction/chatting sexual fantasy addiction!?! But like all addictions drugs, alcohol, gambling it really can be anyone. You may have already seen but a great book to read is sex addiction the partners perspective by Paula hall. My partner used the chatting like a drug, a thril, to him it was like a fantasy world, I think in his head he felt none of it's real so what's the harm but the guilt and shame took him round in circles, until one day he chatted away not knowing their age and when they said they were a teen he thought no this is all fantasy/role play and just carried on. No pictures, no suggestion of chatting again or meeting up. To me I cant see how he could be so stupid but the need for the hit/chat overtook any sense of commonsense or moral judgement. He was chatting to a police officer which in a way was a good thing, some poor kid was subjected to a conversation like that. Hes now getting help which has been great, he isn't a bad person he just got sucked into a world online. I was pretty shocked at the sites my husband belonged to, not that they are illegal or anything like that, it was just a surprise and what an eye opener some of these online communities are! Keep talking to your husband, you may not like what you hear but it's best to know everything. My partner was charged with attempting to communicate with a minor and got a suspended prison sentence, shpo and 5 years on sex offenders register. We are rebuilding our lives and live as a family with our kids, it's not always easy but I know he is better than the offence he committed, he was honest with the police and me, he has put his heart and soul into therapy, changing his behaviour and while it was the worst year of my life I know we can get through all of this. I hope the police deal with it all quickly so you haven't got the stress of waiting and I'm glad social services have been ok, you have been quite lucky there.