Advice please
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4 months post knock. No news. Still no contact which is far, far worse. Everyone else's opinion is good riddance. My life changed in the space of an hour, and I haven't spoken to him. It's killing me. I discovered a video on my phone which my daughter took. Of us all, me included. She's laughing and joking with my ex. There is NO way he was a threat to her. I know it. I can see the banter in the video I've just watched. My God I miss him. When the police came on the eve of the knock, I was so shocked I asked that his bail conditions be that he doesn't contact me. He hasn't. I don't blame him. Neither would I if the other option was to be arrested.
I need to see him. I know in my heart of hearts he's undoubtedly a daft sod but I believe it was a mistake. I don't know what he's supposed to have done. I can't do this without knowing. I lost my mum last week. I need him. I want this to be over.
My kids Dad would go for custody if he thought I was putting my kids at risk by being with him. SS closed my case because I ended the relationship there and then. I was in shock. I had no choice. I have no way of contacting him, except to visit his house. I can't do that as he will be arrested as he will have seen me. This is so bloody complex. But right now, I need him. I really do.
Can anyone advise? Am I being blind to the threat he is? Is there a future for us?
I need to see him. I know in my heart of hearts he's undoubtedly a daft sod but I believe it was a mistake. I don't know what he's supposed to have done. I can't do this without knowing. I lost my mum last week. I need him. I want this to be over.
My kids Dad would go for custody if he thought I was putting my kids at risk by being with him. SS closed my case because I ended the relationship there and then. I was in shock. I had no choice. I have no way of contacting him, except to visit his house. I can't do that as he will be arrested as he will have seen me. This is so bloody complex. But right now, I need him. I really do.
Can anyone advise? Am I being blind to the threat he is? Is there a future for us?
Partner, so sorry you have just lost your mum. That's a very difficult time, without all the other issues surrounding your husbands arrest. I think you should contact the police and see if you can have the conditions varied, after all they are conditions you requested in the first place. Explain the circumstances. If you do get to visit him I would suggest you do not take your daughter.
I am sending you a big hug and strength your way. Xxx
I am sending you a big hug and strength your way. Xxx
Thank you for the replies. One part of me wants to scream and cry at the world and say yes, I am an adult. Let me see him. The other half thinks, let it go. Heal, move on. How absolutely pants that we, the innocents, and our children, are subjected to this turmoil. I think I'll sleep on it over night. Try and disassociate these 'needing' to see him feelings. Maybe it's my heightened emotional sense due to the loss of my Mum. Love to all xxx
Hi Partner
So sorry to hear of your lose and at this awful time in your life.
Yes, it probably is heightened due to losing your mum but maybe you need to hear it from him what's he's done
Get in touch with the police, if you can don't take the kids and just see him but please keep in mind he may not want to see you after all this time
Nest of luck and we'll all be thinking of you xx
So sorry to hear of your lose and at this awful time in your life.
Yes, it probably is heightened due to losing your mum but maybe you need to hear it from him what's he's done
Get in touch with the police, if you can don't take the kids and just see him but please keep in mind he may not want to see you after all this time
Nest of luck and we'll all be thinking of you xx
Wise words from all. Thank you.
Tracey, 'bear in mind he may not want to see me'. I'd never considered that. That's given me food for thought. I sent a message to investigating officer last night. I'll see if I get a reply. However, I'll also hold off for a day or two. See if these feelings pass. Love to all xx
Tracey, 'bear in mind he may not want to see me'. I'd never considered that. That's given me food for thought. I sent a message to investigating officer last night. I'll see if I get a reply. However, I'll also hold off for a day or two. See if these feelings pass. Love to all xx
Hi Partner
Sorry if that was insensitive and upset you but all I was thinking that if he's anything like my ex, which I hope he's not, he might see that you left him!
I really hope not for your sake because I think that having answers may help you heal eventually
Xx
Sorry if that was insensitive and upset you but all I was thinking that if he's anything like my ex, which I hope he's not, he might see that you left him!
I really hope not for your sake because I think that having answers may help you heal eventually
Xx
Hi Tracy,
Not insensitive at all! It's a really good, valid point. Yes, he may not want to see me and that might be hard for me to take. I appreciate everyone's opinion and I'd rather consider these things now than afterwards. I spoke to the investigating officer today who asvises that it would be no problem to see him, given the recent circumstances. The officer is fabulous and always at the end of the phone if I need to ask anything. I'm not sure what to do. I am scared of opening Pandora's box for me. Emotion wise. And yes, being faced with him not wanting to see me, or give me answers to my questions. Or even, the possibility that he was just with me because of my beautiful daughter, is too much to bear. I'm sorry your ex felt that. Mine may well too. Xxx
Not insensitive at all! It's a really good, valid point. Yes, he may not want to see me and that might be hard for me to take. I appreciate everyone's opinion and I'd rather consider these things now than afterwards. I spoke to the investigating officer today who asvises that it would be no problem to see him, given the recent circumstances. The officer is fabulous and always at the end of the phone if I need to ask anything. I'm not sure what to do. I am scared of opening Pandora's box for me. Emotion wise. And yes, being faced with him not wanting to see me, or give me answers to my questions. Or even, the possibility that he was just with me because of my beautiful daughter, is too much to bear. I'm sorry your ex felt that. Mine may well too. Xxx