Supporting the family
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My question is regarding support between affected family members, when opinions on the situation vary.
My husband's brother is the offender, due for sentencing this week. My husband and I have struggled as a couple for 2 years over this, as my husband has been supportive of his brother and wants him away for the least amount of time so he can be with his young children. I struggle to agree with him (and his entire family) as I feel supporting him places a disregard for how wrong the sexualization of children is. My husband says as wrong as what he did was, he is still family and should be supported.
How do we stike a balance and learn to understand each other's sides? I truly feel this issue is tearing our marriage apart and I am having trouble looking at my husband in the same way as I used to.
My husband's brother is the offender, due for sentencing this week. My husband and I have struggled as a couple for 2 years over this, as my husband has been supportive of his brother and wants him away for the least amount of time so he can be with his young children. I struggle to agree with him (and his entire family) as I feel supporting him places a disregard for how wrong the sexualization of children is. My husband says as wrong as what he did was, he is still family and should be supported.
How do we stike a balance and learn to understand each other's sides? I truly feel this issue is tearing our marriage apart and I am having trouble looking at my husband in the same way as I used to.
Hi there, this dreadful situation brings so much complexity and challenges on differering perceptions and invidual approaches to dealing with a situation that none of us could ever have imagined being in! Perhaps the following might be useful. I know that Circles offering counselling/mediation specifically for family members. They are very good, specialists and non-judgemental. Wishing you all the best.
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
Acts Fast: support for families of children who have experienced or been impacted by child sexual abuse or assault. Advice, support and trauma counselling for adults who have accessed IIOC and their families.
Barnado’s: helping children and families feel safer, happier, healthier and more hopeful.
Circles UK: focussed on reducing sex offending in partnership with criminal justice agencies. Customised restorative work to address harmful sexual behaviour. Specialist support for those with intellectual disabilities and/or autism spectrum conditions. Risk and safeguarding courses for families, and specialist therapy and counselling.
SAA: a programme and safe place to address and heal from sex addiction and harmful sexual behaviours.
Safer Lives: specialist and individual support, advice and guidance, focussed on welfare and mental strength and wellbeing for offenders and their families. Therapeutic, practical and educational expertise.
StopSO: specialist support and therapy for those concerned about their thoughts or behaviour, and for those impacted by the behaviour of others.
Talking Forward: facilitated peer support for people impacted by a family member or friend who has engaged with online CSA. Part of a group committed to research into and understanding of online offending.
Maybe it's a very cold and unemotional rationalization on my part but I would say it is the justice system's job to deal with the punishment and the community's to create as positive a space for rehabilitation within a framework of safeguarding as possible. We are the community.
Hi,
I have struggled with this but have reached the conclusion that both thoughts can coexist in my mind. The sexualisation of children is abhorrent and nobody here would disagree with that. These men deserve punishment and equally the opportunity for rehabilitation. As losing it has said the rehabilitation side of things comes from support from the community to allow them to see that this doesn't have to define them, they can move forward xxx
I have struggled with this but have reached the conclusion that both thoughts can coexist in my mind. The sexualisation of children is abhorrent and nobody here would disagree with that. These men deserve punishment and equally the opportunity for rehabilitation. As losing it has said the rehabilitation side of things comes from support from the community to allow them to see that this doesn't have to define them, they can move forward xxx
I think you and your husband might be closer than you think. I doubt either of you can ever look at your brother in law the same way again. It sounds like your husband is very much thinking about one set of children hurt by this (the offenders kids) and you thinking about the children that have been abused. One thing that may or may not reassure you is that these people are much less likely to reoffend if their families can provide some support, even when uncomfortable. You have every right to your feelings though, but your husband won't be trying to minimise just how wrong the situation is, just a different idea of how to respond. He shouldn't expect you to make nice with the offender even if he can offer support, and clearly if you have kids of your own you will do what you need to be assured they are safe.