Can it get any worse?
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My son (15) has arranged an in person meet with someone he's been exchanging photos with on snap chat who lives approx 150 miles away (apparently this kid is a 16yo). The kid is coming to our house or at least that's the plan.
I put bans in place regarding the site he initially used to connect with other teens and exchange photos which solved the problem for a while but then trading accounts started appearing in his suggested friends list on snap chat and that's his new method of exchanging. I'd like to now ban snap chat but it then isolates him from the very few friends he does have who use Snapchat to communicate. He is totally addicted to both exchanging the images and masturbating and although banning Snapchat may stop things temporarily, any temptation and I think he'll be drawn in via other methods.
Hes autistic and has no self worth. Just says he doesn't care anymore and wishes he was dead. I was advised by the social worker (who I warned) that I should just go with him to this meet up just to check this other child is a who they say they are but absolutely no advice other than that despite my son being on a CP plan. I have no one to vent to. No one who gets it. His dad is totally useless and doesn't want to be involved. Friends don't get it just behave as if they are shocked and say oh hopefully it won't come to that and it'll get better.
I'm suicidal and done dealing with it. My therapist was so concerned about me yesterday she advised I went to A&E. Both my son and I are in this vicious circle and trigger eachother. LFF have been amazing at supporting me and offering suggestions but it almost feels like my son is too extreme for them. They also can't work with my son without making the police aware of these illegal behaviours. There is a CABHS referral in and that's my final hope.
Sorry I know no one can help and we are beyond that. But in an hour this is all supposed to be happening and I have no outlet.
I put bans in place regarding the site he initially used to connect with other teens and exchange photos which solved the problem for a while but then trading accounts started appearing in his suggested friends list on snap chat and that's his new method of exchanging. I'd like to now ban snap chat but it then isolates him from the very few friends he does have who use Snapchat to communicate. He is totally addicted to both exchanging the images and masturbating and although banning Snapchat may stop things temporarily, any temptation and I think he'll be drawn in via other methods.
Hes autistic and has no self worth. Just says he doesn't care anymore and wishes he was dead. I was advised by the social worker (who I warned) that I should just go with him to this meet up just to check this other child is a who they say they are but absolutely no advice other than that despite my son being on a CP plan. I have no one to vent to. No one who gets it. His dad is totally useless and doesn't want to be involved. Friends don't get it just behave as if they are shocked and say oh hopefully it won't come to that and it'll get better.
I'm suicidal and done dealing with it. My therapist was so concerned about me yesterday she advised I went to A&E. Both my son and I are in this vicious circle and trigger eachother. LFF have been amazing at supporting me and offering suggestions but it almost feels like my son is too extreme for them. They also can't work with my son without making the police aware of these illegal behaviours. There is a CABHS referral in and that's my final hope.
Sorry I know no one can help and we are beyond that. But in an hour this is all supposed to be happening and I have no outlet.
Oh Sunshine, that's awful. It sounds so hard to deal with and help him. Did he say you can go with him to meet this person then?
Hope you're okay, sending hugs xx
Hope you're okay, sending hugs xx
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Obviously I can only advise what I would do but I'm not in your situation and having to navigate keeping yourself and son alive.
I would probably ban Snapchat and put blockers on the internet and/or his phone. Something needs to happen to break that cycle for the images and also the addiction to masturbation. You might have to rationalise it to him by saying that if his behaviour continues then he will end up with stricter conditions on a sexual harm prevention order and find himself in and out of prison until he can break the habits he currently has. If you are in England then you can research what services you can access via right to choose. This may speed up the referral process. Have a look online for psychologists in your area under nhs right to choose. Book an appointment at the drs to discuss the options moving forward. Explain the impact on both of you.
It sounds like your son needs an expert in the links between autism and sexually harmful behaviour. I will do some research and edit to add anything of use I find although that may not be today xxx
I would probably ban Snapchat and put blockers on the internet and/or his phone. Something needs to happen to break that cycle for the images and also the addiction to masturbation. You might have to rationalise it to him by saying that if his behaviour continues then he will end up with stricter conditions on a sexual harm prevention order and find himself in and out of prison until he can break the habits he currently has. If you are in England then you can research what services you can access via right to choose. This may speed up the referral process. Have a look online for psychologists in your area under nhs right to choose. Book an appointment at the drs to discuss the options moving forward. Explain the impact on both of you.
It sounds like your son needs an expert in the links between autism and sexually harmful behaviour. I will do some research and edit to add anything of use I find although that may not be today xxx
Hi all
Thank you for the replies and suggestions. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in this and I'm so grateful for this safe space.
Thankfully the other boy never showed up, so nothing went ahead and I can breathe a sigh of relief, for now.
Ive added some more restrictions via the app we use and banned certain words that he could use to search for gateways into these sharing groups, there is also restrictions on being able to download any new apps without my permission on both his devices.
We've agreed to keep Snapchat for now because it's one of the primary methods of communication he uses to talk to his small group of friends but I've warned him if this continues I will have to look into a residential placement / foster care because I'm going to have a heart attack or attempt to take my own life with the weight of stress. I am also going to talk to him about the risk of getting in trouble with the police again. He's deleted everything inappropriate off Snapchat and blocked those he was engaging inappropriately with but I'm struggling to figure out the Snapchat settings and other than switching off suggested friends not sure what other measures I can put in place. Has anyone else had this issue? Is there more safety that can be put in place for Snapchat?
I've got the initial CABHS meeting in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping they have some more suggestions and can offer some specific therapy to help him with coping mechanisms.
We are about to put on some Christmas music and decorate the tree together, and suddenly everything feels manageable again.
Hope everyone else has a peaceful and restful Saturday. Sending huge hugs to everyone going through it right now. Xx
Thank you for the replies and suggestions. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in this and I'm so grateful for this safe space.
Thankfully the other boy never showed up, so nothing went ahead and I can breathe a sigh of relief, for now.
Ive added some more restrictions via the app we use and banned certain words that he could use to search for gateways into these sharing groups, there is also restrictions on being able to download any new apps without my permission on both his devices.
We've agreed to keep Snapchat for now because it's one of the primary methods of communication he uses to talk to his small group of friends but I've warned him if this continues I will have to look into a residential placement / foster care because I'm going to have a heart attack or attempt to take my own life with the weight of stress. I am also going to talk to him about the risk of getting in trouble with the police again. He's deleted everything inappropriate off Snapchat and blocked those he was engaging inappropriately with but I'm struggling to figure out the Snapchat settings and other than switching off suggested friends not sure what other measures I can put in place. Has anyone else had this issue? Is there more safety that can be put in place for Snapchat?
I've got the initial CABHS meeting in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping they have some more suggestions and can offer some specific therapy to help him with coping mechanisms.
We are about to put on some Christmas music and decorate the tree together, and suddenly everything feels manageable again.
Hope everyone else has a peaceful and restful Saturday. Sending huge hugs to everyone going through it right now. Xx
To add - to answer your question, Crushed - yes, the social worker wasn't concerned which I'm also furious about. Two massively at risk children meeting primarily for intimacy - and it's all fine so long as I supervise and can confirm this other person he was supposed to meet is a child?!!?! I don't know where this would place me legally allowing / facilitating this and feeling I have no choice which is another big factor in my stress, I can't afford to get in trouble with the police with the type of career I want in future. Honestly I'm just so angry at the total lack of support and expertise around this issue within the system and other than this forum / the helpline on here, no one has been able to help.
Thank you distressed and pregnant I will look into the right to choose stuff for accessing help. Sorry for all the scattered replies, my head is still all over the place x
There is something called choice support that I'll send you the link to. It looks pretty helpful as a starting point xxx
Have you tried phoning StopSO and getting a therapist for him?
Hi sunshine5
Be very careful with snap chat, these our my son got caught, ,by viglantes decoys
Be very careful with snap chat, these our my son got caught, ,by viglantes decoys