I was almost gone
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Hello ladies,
I don't come here a lot anymore and I would say that I was almost gone but the past few weeks, after some family drama not relating to this, my mood has changed and I've been quite low. Then comes the over thinking. Sigh...! this time my question is, do the ladies that decide to stay that experience media ever feel like themselves or a part of society again?
I already hear people saying it's not on you or don't worry about what people think about you. Thats so much easier said than done in day to day life.
The thing is that I know I've done nothing wrong, I've not committed a crime in my life, but I have stayed and it seems that that's a crime in itself. There are people in my area that are friendly with my OH's family, they are friends with his dad they speak to his mum but they completly blank me when before the media they were friendly. Now, these people that I'm thinking of are not a part of my life, their opinions don't change my life at all. But why do I think about them? why do they cross my mind?
It leaves me with a feeling that every single person that was a part of my life before the media is now possibly not and I don't know who is and who isn't, it's like I'm always in limbo. This might all seem so silly but it really goes against the folk that do say to me that I've not done anything wrong because I'm still treated like I have. It worries me about meeting people in the future because I've lost people because of this already. So why would new people want to know me. Will I always only be the woman that stayed with a child sex offender?
I don't come here a lot anymore and I would say that I was almost gone but the past few weeks, after some family drama not relating to this, my mood has changed and I've been quite low. Then comes the over thinking. Sigh...! this time my question is, do the ladies that decide to stay that experience media ever feel like themselves or a part of society again?
I already hear people saying it's not on you or don't worry about what people think about you. Thats so much easier said than done in day to day life.
The thing is that I know I've done nothing wrong, I've not committed a crime in my life, but I have stayed and it seems that that's a crime in itself. There are people in my area that are friendly with my OH's family, they are friends with his dad they speak to his mum but they completly blank me when before the media they were friendly. Now, these people that I'm thinking of are not a part of my life, their opinions don't change my life at all. But why do I think about them? why do they cross my mind?
It leaves me with a feeling that every single person that was a part of my life before the media is now possibly not and I don't know who is and who isn't, it's like I'm always in limbo. This might all seem so silly but it really goes against the folk that do say to me that I've not done anything wrong because I'm still treated like I have. It worries me about meeting people in the future because I've lost people because of this already. So why would new people want to know me. Will I always only be the woman that stayed with a child sex offender?
I haven't stayed with my person we haven't told friends the reason for the split and already people who were friendly with both of us as a couple are distancing themselves from me. I don't know whether they knew if it would make any difference. I know I'm finding it hard to explain why I don't have as much free time as others who have separates/divorced. They all assume I should have more time because dad can half the childcare leaving me more free time. My family don't understand why I haven't divorced (because I can't sort out custody, home, child maintenance etc if he's going to be unable to hold a job, in jail, not allowed access etc). It's exhausting living in limbo.
No matter whether you choose to stay or go, whether they're charged or not.....it leaves us all a little broken with things that will never be the same. But as much as I miss pre-knock times, I remember that it only seemed good because I didn't know. Now I know.....I don't want go back, I can't I know or ignore what he's done.
No matter whether you choose to stay or go, whether they're charged or not.....it leaves us all a little broken with things that will never be the same. But as much as I miss pre-knock times, I remember that it only seemed good because I didn't know. Now I know.....I don't want go back, I can't I know or ignore what he's done.
Hi, I lost all of my "friends" after they found out what he'd done. A few of them openly said to me that, "I must've known" what he was doing. Nope. What they fail to realise is that these people have to be extremely secretive and don't they think that if they Police thought I was involved, they'd have arrested me too?! The other thing is that they think it'll never happen to them. I can guarantee they have no clue what their other halves are up to in the internet 24/7. 50% of partners stay with their person following the knock. I've never been able to go back into society generally. I just can't anymore. I really am glad that I no longer have these "friends" in my life though, who need friends like that?! X
AlwaysHopeful,
I hear you.
I too have stayed and I have been lucky to have the support of the majority of my friendship group, some of the family and a few neighbours. I've also made new friends but control the narrative on what they know about me and OH.
I was recently asked by a friend if I was going to another friends daughters 21st party. I had been on holiday with the mother earlier in the year and we had chatted about the plans for the party but no mention of invites. To learn other friends had been invited was hurtful but not unexpected and the reality is I probably wouldn't have gone anyway.
The reality is that some people may still think that about you but those people are shallow minded and don't really understand the complexity of human emotions and what makes some of us stay. It must be so wonderful in their black and white worlds!
I'm also a believer of time being a great healer, other things happen and preoccupy people. They move on and there is no reason why you can't too.
I love to travel, adore cats and do things for charity and I work hard. Those are my labels. Don't be cowed by labels that others apply to you.
I hear you.
I too have stayed and I have been lucky to have the support of the majority of my friendship group, some of the family and a few neighbours. I've also made new friends but control the narrative on what they know about me and OH.
I was recently asked by a friend if I was going to another friends daughters 21st party. I had been on holiday with the mother earlier in the year and we had chatted about the plans for the party but no mention of invites. To learn other friends had been invited was hurtful but not unexpected and the reality is I probably wouldn't have gone anyway.
The reality is that some people may still think that about you but those people are shallow minded and don't really understand the complexity of human emotions and what makes some of us stay. It must be so wonderful in their black and white worlds!
I'm also a believer of time being a great healer, other things happen and preoccupy people. They move on and there is no reason why you can't too.
I love to travel, adore cats and do things for charity and I work hard. Those are my labels. Don't be cowed by labels that others apply to you.
Thank you for your replies ladies.
I completely agree that everyone ends up a little broken after this and it's different for everyone. And I read it's nearer 60% of women that stay, that maybe changes often though. I think about my life 3, 4, 5 years ago and can't believe the difference to now, it's something I never thought would be part of our lives. I can't believe how much I've lost, not because of the crime itself because that's something that we all have so many years to process, but because of societal stigma.
I completely agree that everyone ends up a little broken after this and it's different for everyone. And I read it's nearer 60% of women that stay, that maybe changes often though. I think about my life 3, 4, 5 years ago and can't believe the difference to now, it's something I never thought would be part of our lives. I can't believe how much I've lost, not because of the crime itself because that's something that we all have so many years to process, but because of societal stigma.
I chose to leave. I've lost friends but 2 years on I have made plenty more new friends.
My old friends know what has happened and have been super supportive.
Many if my new friends know - thanks to my story being in the press and SM twice.
Only tonight I have met someone who knew us as a couple and they were asking me how I was etc. I tell them the truth - I've got nothing to hide.
I'm trying to live my best life - doing new things, meeting new folk, pushing myself out if my comfort zone
Would I be doing that if I had stayed? Very doubtful.
My old friends know what has happened and have been super supportive.
Many if my new friends know - thanks to my story being in the press and SM twice.
Only tonight I have met someone who knew us as a couple and they were asking me how I was etc. I tell them the truth - I've got nothing to hide.
I'm trying to live my best life - doing new things, meeting new folk, pushing myself out if my comfort zone
Would I be doing that if I had stayed? Very doubtful.