Victims
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I'm wondering if anybody on here has experienced anybody close to them being a victim.
I have a son who is under investigation for iioc and have supported him through my husband at arms length (no direct contact with me) due to protecting my other children and job. My son continues to say he isn't aware of any iioc on his devices and will be NFA'd once forensic screen comes back, however I do have serious doubts about this due to one device being sent off for in depth analysis.
I have felt sorry for him at times but equally very angry as this has gone on for nearly two years and we're all in limbo. It seems he has continued to live life with no consequences to date and doesn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation.
A relative has experienced an assault (cat a nature!) and her whole life is upside down. Police have sent her case to the cps but we know it's difficult to get a charge with such crimes. The level of trauma she is now suffering has ruined her life (currently and likely her future) due to PTSD and mental illness.
I now feel so much more anger towards my son, I feel he has offended and also worry he feels it's not as bad as it's been behind a screen. My heart breaks for the victims in cases of IIOC and it's changed my whole view of my son.
I worry as a mother this makes me a bad person. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this I just wonder if anybody has turned their backs on their own son for empathy towards the vulnerable victims who don't seem to have a voice or justice.
I have a son who is under investigation for iioc and have supported him through my husband at arms length (no direct contact with me) due to protecting my other children and job. My son continues to say he isn't aware of any iioc on his devices and will be NFA'd once forensic screen comes back, however I do have serious doubts about this due to one device being sent off for in depth analysis.
I have felt sorry for him at times but equally very angry as this has gone on for nearly two years and we're all in limbo. It seems he has continued to live life with no consequences to date and doesn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation.
A relative has experienced an assault (cat a nature!) and her whole life is upside down. Police have sent her case to the cps but we know it's difficult to get a charge with such crimes. The level of trauma she is now suffering has ruined her life (currently and likely her future) due to PTSD and mental illness.
I now feel so much more anger towards my son, I feel he has offended and also worry he feels it's not as bad as it's been behind a screen. My heart breaks for the victims in cases of IIOC and it's changed my whole view of my son.
I worry as a mother this makes me a bad person. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this I just wonder if anybody has turned their backs on their own son for empathy towards the vulnerable victims who don't seem to have a voice or justice.
Sorry to hear your sad story
its an awful situation to be in, and your feelings are completely valid. It's made more complicated by the fact that you're so close to a victim of an offence. That's what made me so angry, all the things women go through fending off inappropriate in person contact and for some reason some men seem to think because it's online it's not real or not as bad. I think it's because the reality and consequences arent right in front of them. Your emotions will be all over the place. Have you spoken with someone from LFF? It is a truly awful offence but sadly it's so widespread and so accessible/easy to get mixed up in, despite what my ex partner did I still feel sorry for him. He's ruined his and our lifes and for what?!? Selfish thoughtless online chat. Wanting to protect your children (even from themselves) doesn't make you a bad mother xxxx you're in a no-win situation. Please be kind to yourself.
its an awful situation to be in, and your feelings are completely valid. It's made more complicated by the fact that you're so close to a victim of an offence. That's what made me so angry, all the things women go through fending off inappropriate in person contact and for some reason some men seem to think because it's online it's not real or not as bad. I think it's because the reality and consequences arent right in front of them. Your emotions will be all over the place. Have you spoken with someone from LFF? It is a truly awful offence but sadly it's so widespread and so accessible/easy to get mixed up in, despite what my ex partner did I still feel sorry for him. He's ruined his and our lifes and for what?!? Selfish thoughtless online chat. Wanting to protect your children (even from themselves) doesn't make you a bad mother xxxx you're in a no-win situation. Please be kind to yourself.
I am in both situations at once currently.
Our eldest son is in trouble for iioc, waiting for devices to be checked.
A couple of months later we found out that my 2 younger sons have been sexually abused by a relative. I suspect my eldest son has too and maybe has repressed the memories, as he shows a lot of signs and I believe this is maybe part of why he ended up involved with iioc.
So I guess because of that I still have sympathy for my eldest son and feel that this relative that has abused my children has caused both of these situations.
How old is your son? I'm sure there must be reasons why he has gotten into this situation too. I hope you are okay, it is certainly hard being on both sides xx
Our eldest son is in trouble for iioc, waiting for devices to be checked.
A couple of months later we found out that my 2 younger sons have been sexually abused by a relative. I suspect my eldest son has too and maybe has repressed the memories, as he shows a lot of signs and I believe this is maybe part of why he ended up involved with iioc.
So I guess because of that I still have sympathy for my eldest son and feel that this relative that has abused my children has caused both of these situations.
How old is your son? I'm sure there must be reasons why he has gotten into this situation too. I hope you are okay, it is certainly hard being on both sides xx
Oh and to add the annoying thing is it's so much harder to get a good outcome with contact offences, we have been told if our sons don't give video evidence/ go to court, this relative would likely get a caution and 2 years on SOR, for contact offences spanning 10 years!! To think you can get 10 years SOR for images, so my offending son could get more than the man who has been abusing them all!!
Hello,
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this tough position. If it turns out your son did look at iioc, he will need to find out why. It's not uncommon for men who were abused themselves to look at this content. Also, having family support would reduce the likelihood of further offending.
I suspect you and your son have other issues since you seem to be writing him off before you even know if it's true. My kids are young so there is absolutely nothing they could do that would make me turn my back on them. I signed up for life.
I don't know any victims of iioc personally but I am a victim of sexual assault myself. I believe offenders need rehabilitation, not to be exiled.
In my case my husband offended. I can love him and hate what he did. I do feel empathy for the victims. We have read to understand the impact on victims, I will support him to reduce his likelihood of re-offending, he will help others like him get help before they offend (as a twelve step sponsor) , and we are looking to set up regular donations to a charity that helps victims of iioc.
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this tough position. If it turns out your son did look at iioc, he will need to find out why. It's not uncommon for men who were abused themselves to look at this content. Also, having family support would reduce the likelihood of further offending.
I suspect you and your son have other issues since you seem to be writing him off before you even know if it's true. My kids are young so there is absolutely nothing they could do that would make me turn my back on them. I signed up for life.
I don't know any victims of iioc personally but I am a victim of sexual assault myself. I believe offenders need rehabilitation, not to be exiled.
In my case my husband offended. I can love him and hate what he did. I do feel empathy for the victims. We have read to understand the impact on victims, I will support him to reduce his likelihood of re-offending, he will help others like him get help before they offend (as a twelve step sponsor) , and we are looking to set up regular donations to a charity that helps victims of iioc.
I have gone through the whole range of emotions with my son & sometimes at a different time to my husband. Shock,revulsion,disbelief,anger,pity - I have felt them all. His sister describes it as their relationship being forever altered. The trust is gone.The internet is not reality to them & these vile sites are designed like this with no compassion.
As time goes on,you realise that this was a period in their lives when they made bad decisions. They never anticipated the impact of their viewings.Now they have to face the consequences.
But they can move forward & learn about their motivations.
I hope you can move forward too.
Sending hugs x
As time goes on,you realise that this was a period in their lives when they made bad decisions. They never anticipated the impact of their viewings.Now they have to face the consequences.
But they can move forward & learn about their motivations.
I hope you can move forward too.
Sending hugs x
Hope you don't mind but I have messaged you in response x
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