Family and Friends Forum

So I haven’t been on this forum in about 9 months and it’s insane how much has changed and how time has passed. Day after tomorrow my husband gets released from prison and I can’t believe it’s been 15 months already. I remember the very first post I made on here in Feb 2022 asking if there was any hope and then in Sep 2023 after his sentencing saying there was no hope. Well I just wanted to share an update and say despite the worst happening, there is always hope. It may look different for each of us in this situation and whether you stay with your person or not, I think we can all hold onto hope for ourselves. Time will pass and slowly through hard work, we can hope for a better day for ourselves.



I can’t pretend there aren’t difficulties ahead and there’s still so much to face as we look to the future but how I feel today and how I’ve felt over the past 15 months is something I could have never expected. Never in my life did I think I would be visiting my husband in prison every two weeks. Never did I think or imagine the police would ever knock on my door. I also never imagined I’d stay. There have been moments I didn’t think I could carry on. Whilst inside he missed both of his siblings weddings and no one outside of our parents and siblings and siblings’ spouses know so there has also been a level of having to lie to people and shouldering all of this has felt impossible many times.



I always knew I was strong but not to this level and at the beginning of this I’ll be honest I didn’t think I or both of us or our families would make it but we did. The biggest factor in this has been my husband himself, from the knock to the trial and then the sentencing and prison sentence; I’ve seen so many changes in him that I don’t think he ever imagined for himself. I think for me what helped me to decide to stay and support him is that he was honest throughout the whole process and I had full disclosure at every turn with the legal team the police and everyone involved. It may not be for everyone, but I needed to know every detail and be fully aware of what was going on at every point to be able to make a fully informed decision. He has been in therapy and various support groups since the knock, working on himself and even in prison which I’ll be honest I didn’t think he would survive, he has managed to grow and learn. He was moved to a cat D prison after a few months and I think that also helped massively, he was able to get a job as a tutor and found so much value in helping other prisoners. I think for the first time in his life, he has finally felt like he was worth something and it’s so sad that he felt that in prison of all places.



Recently we’ve had some visits on the outside and two weeks ago he came home for the weekend and I had no idea what to expect but I felt so at peace with him and the conversations we had. I also have been in therapy since the knock and had a lot of work to do for myself in terms of addressing past traumas, PTSD from the knock, working on my confidence and learning that’s it’s okay to want something for myself.



Whilst not all the family members that know have understood, they have been supportive of me and I’ve had so much support from my family and his (funny how close you become with your mother in law when you spend 3 hours each way together to prison visits every two weeks). I think for all of us now, it’s a matter of time. Whilst he is different and will continue to work on himself, he has also shattered a lot of trust and only time will tell. I think we all just want to seem him continue to do so well.



There’s so much unknown and I’m learning to live in the moment and each day which is really hard for me because I tend to worry and imagine all the possibilities and things that could go wrong but that’s not healthy and all I can focus on is that today in this moment, I feel I have made the right decision. It has been a surreal experience and as we move forward from the prison sentence, it will be a whole new world again and in many ways it feels like we are getting to know each other again as well.



Thank you to everyone who reached out to me last year and more than anything what I hope for each of you in this journey is that one day you are able to find and feel some peace for yourselves.