Given no info/warning?
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Hello all,
I'm hoping for some advice, maybe a better understanding and just anyone else's perspective on this, please and thank you to any that take the time to reply!
The knock happened at the end of 2022, we officially broke up at the start of 2023, I couldn't ever forgive him for what he did, possession and distribution, category a and c images, it was too much and for me unforgivable.
I kept in contact with a police officer via text, I only ever knew her first name, I'm not even sure what police department she's in. When the knock happened I was in shock for a couple months, none of that information thrown at me then stuck!
I tried texting and asking for updates periodically, always the same responses of there are no updates. Until recently when I finally got a response, the case had gone to court and he received a suspended sentence.
I have too many emotions about this to name them all...why wasn't I informed that the case was finally going to court, why wasn't I entitled to information and updates, when I asked the officer follow up questions she simply suggested looking at the police departments website and trying to request further information that way?!
The officer said I had no rights to be informed and made aware of the court date, I made it clear from the beginning I wanted to know and be there for court!
The crimes were committed in my home where I live with my son, the crimes were committed in my presence unknowingly! The police didn't even tell the mother of his child, she had no contact with them at all, they didn't bother to inform her of his arrest either, I had to do that!
I wanted to know stuff like if his confiscated devices were returned to him, how often this was happening (not exact details, dates, etc, just a rough idea), and I wanted to know details of his sentence like, if there are any restrictions online, how long he'll be on the offenders register etc, all what I felt was fairly basic info for me to receive?
I thought I was an indirect victim and that would entitle me to updates and info, but apparently not? I was clueless going into this process, and I'm still clueless now! He would've been sentenced sometime within the last 6 months, and I'm so confused/angry/sad/many emotions that I wasn't told or made aware!
Any advice on how to gather the info I'm looking for, or if I should just give up on that and continue moving on and living my life?
Just a side note, I thought he was a good guy and a good partner whilst still in shock, once that wore off I saw through the mask finally...he wasn't good to me he was at times bad, he just wasn't overtly abusive and my bar for relationships was in hell before/during my relationship with him???? just wanted to throw that out there as I did make a post whilst still in shock a couple years ago.
Thanks again, wishing you all peace and love!
I'm hoping for some advice, maybe a better understanding and just anyone else's perspective on this, please and thank you to any that take the time to reply!
The knock happened at the end of 2022, we officially broke up at the start of 2023, I couldn't ever forgive him for what he did, possession and distribution, category a and c images, it was too much and for me unforgivable.
I kept in contact with a police officer via text, I only ever knew her first name, I'm not even sure what police department she's in. When the knock happened I was in shock for a couple months, none of that information thrown at me then stuck!
I tried texting and asking for updates periodically, always the same responses of there are no updates. Until recently when I finally got a response, the case had gone to court and he received a suspended sentence.
I have too many emotions about this to name them all...why wasn't I informed that the case was finally going to court, why wasn't I entitled to information and updates, when I asked the officer follow up questions she simply suggested looking at the police departments website and trying to request further information that way?!
The officer said I had no rights to be informed and made aware of the court date, I made it clear from the beginning I wanted to know and be there for court!
The crimes were committed in my home where I live with my son, the crimes were committed in my presence unknowingly! The police didn't even tell the mother of his child, she had no contact with them at all, they didn't bother to inform her of his arrest either, I had to do that!
I wanted to know stuff like if his confiscated devices were returned to him, how often this was happening (not exact details, dates, etc, just a rough idea), and I wanted to know details of his sentence like, if there are any restrictions online, how long he'll be on the offenders register etc, all what I felt was fairly basic info for me to receive?
I thought I was an indirect victim and that would entitle me to updates and info, but apparently not? I was clueless going into this process, and I'm still clueless now! He would've been sentenced sometime within the last 6 months, and I'm so confused/angry/sad/many emotions that I wasn't told or made aware!
Any advice on how to gather the info I'm looking for, or if I should just give up on that and continue moving on and living my life?
Just a side note, I thought he was a good guy and a good partner whilst still in shock, once that wore off I saw through the mask finally...he wasn't good to me he was at times bad, he just wasn't overtly abusive and my bar for relationships was in hell before/during my relationship with him???? just wanted to throw that out there as I did make a post whilst still in shock a couple years ago.
Thanks again, wishing you all peace and love!
Unfortunately if you don't have a child together and you're no longer in a relationship the information on his case will be confidential as he is an adult. At this point you are essentially a stranger to him as you have no connection and there is no need to provide information to you to safeguard as the risk is removed from your home.
My ex and I have multiple biological children together and whilst they have disclosed some information to ensure safeguarding, I've been told that they aren't allowed to tell me the court date.
The person who can give you the answers is him. At first I thought I wanted answers to similar questions that you're asking but to be honest after therapy I thought what are those answers going to do for me realistically? Do they matter if we're never going to be in a relationship again? Can I trust that the answers would even be the truth considering he lied to me for over a decade and put me in an incredibly risky situation to feed his disgusting habit?
You're never going to feel better about this, no context that he can give is going to excuse looking at poor children being assaulted and getting pleasure/joy/excitement from it.
Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear but closure sometimes, in my experience, is saying, the answers won't bring me comfort, I can't trust them so I'm moving on.
My ex and I have multiple biological children together and whilst they have disclosed some information to ensure safeguarding, I've been told that they aren't allowed to tell me the court date.
The person who can give you the answers is him. At first I thought I wanted answers to similar questions that you're asking but to be honest after therapy I thought what are those answers going to do for me realistically? Do they matter if we're never going to be in a relationship again? Can I trust that the answers would even be the truth considering he lied to me for over a decade and put me in an incredibly risky situation to feed his disgusting habit?
You're never going to feel better about this, no context that he can give is going to excuse looking at poor children being assaulted and getting pleasure/joy/excitement from it.
Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear but closure sometimes, in my experience, is saying, the answers won't bring me comfort, I can't trust them so I'm moving on.