Mentally exhausted
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It's been 2years since my Dad left. Some days I can't even remember my dad but some days (like now) it just floods back and I just sink into a hole. I have two small children and my youngest used to watch trains with him. They don't remember my Dad which is sometimes really weird. But my youngest will often ask to but trains on (especially when he's ill) and I just find it so hard to have that on the tv, all I can imagine is my dad with my son and it just breaks me. I suffer from Depression and Anxiety and ADHD and I'm medicated for it but sometimes medicine doesn't help.
So much of this journey is similar to the process of grieving after a death. The feelings you've described of going periods of not thinking of your dad and then being hit by the sense of loss is normal. Being able to allow yourself to feel however you are feeling is important. Perhaps consider allowing yourself a time frame (15 minutes or so) to sit with your feelings, cry if that feels right and then do something to distract yourself like an activity with your children or some form of exercise that requires your focus xxx