My dad has struggled with his mental health in the past and when I couldn’t get a hold of his this week, I panicked and thought the worst. I have a strained relationship with my dad but have rebuilt it over the past 9 months however, his sister and parents don’t speak me.
I got in touch with his sister asking if she had heard from my dad and she said no and that it was unusual and she was also worried about him. After an awful 24 hours thinking the worst, his sister told me he was okay and had been arrested. One search on the internet and fear that he had taken his life was very quickly swapped with the reality that he was a sex offender.
He had been convicted of having IIOC over a year ago and I was none the wiser. I can’t understand how my dad could possibly be capable of this. Like a lot of others, his reasoning is that he hasn’t gone looking for IIOC but the images have downloaded when he has downloaded other stuff, I have to accept this to be true because the alternative is just too horrendous but I don’t think he is being completely honest.
His sister had known he had been arrested and let me believe my dad had taken his life, it wasn’t until I reported him missing that she told me he’d been arrested which is just wicked. Because of this my emotions have been on a rollercoaster which is making all of this even harder to digest.
My whole world has crumbled and I don’t know how to move on from here. Although I’ve not always had a great relationship with my dad, he was like a superhero to me growing up and I’ve always taken comfort knowing how much I adored him when I was younger but this is now tarnished. How can the dad I love be capable of doing such a thing.
He has promised me he hasn’t reoffend and doesn’t know why the police have been back but I’m worried sick this isn’t the case.
I feel so angry and sad and betrayed and can’t help but feel like I’m grieving someone. I feel so foolish for being blissfully unaware that any of this had happened, he had community service and a curfew and I knew nothing about it. I think the fact he kept all of this from me is making it difficult to believe anything he says because he is so capable of lying.
This is the most challenging thing I’ve ever been through and I’m so sorry to hear of how many other have been through the same. Any advice on where to go from here would be really appreciated. Thanks
I got in touch with his sister asking if she had heard from my dad and she said no and that it was unusual and she was also worried about him. After an awful 24 hours thinking the worst, his sister told me he was okay and had been arrested. One search on the internet and fear that he had taken his life was very quickly swapped with the reality that he was a sex offender.
He had been convicted of having IIOC over a year ago and I was none the wiser. I can’t understand how my dad could possibly be capable of this. Like a lot of others, his reasoning is that he hasn’t gone looking for IIOC but the images have downloaded when he has downloaded other stuff, I have to accept this to be true because the alternative is just too horrendous but I don’t think he is being completely honest.
His sister had known he had been arrested and let me believe my dad had taken his life, it wasn’t until I reported him missing that she told me he’d been arrested which is just wicked. Because of this my emotions have been on a rollercoaster which is making all of this even harder to digest.
My whole world has crumbled and I don’t know how to move on from here. Although I’ve not always had a great relationship with my dad, he was like a superhero to me growing up and I’ve always taken comfort knowing how much I adored him when I was younger but this is now tarnished. How can the dad I love be capable of doing such a thing.
He has promised me he hasn’t reoffend and doesn’t know why the police have been back but I’m worried sick this isn’t the case.
I feel so angry and sad and betrayed and can’t help but feel like I’m grieving someone. I feel so foolish for being blissfully unaware that any of this had happened, he had community service and a curfew and I knew nothing about it. I think the fact he kept all of this from me is making it difficult to believe anything he says because he is so capable of lying.
This is the most challenging thing I’ve ever been through and I’m so sorry to hear of how many other have been through the same. Any advice on where to go from here would be really appreciated. Thanks
I don't really have any good advice but wanted to send you some love. I'd take your time to process and maybe reach out to the stop it now helpline.
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I can't imagine how you must be feeling with the shock and hurt of it all, especially with it being your parent. All feelings are valid.
Please do take some comfort in the knowledge that it was a community sentence he received - which indicates very low numbers and low risk. A first, a one off, not a pattern of behaviour which is a much stronger indicator of a sexual preference towards minors.
Often men are finding themselves drawn in to a hole online, usually when they're experiencing emotional difficulties or stress which they don't have the tools like women to manage difficult periods in their life. If I put myself in your Dads shoes (and based on what I see from my other half) the overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt at these offences are at times unbearable. Keeping the situation low key protects your immediate loved ones - the less people who know the more likely he would be a able to lead a 'normal' life without fear, judgement and reprisal. I'm sure he's hoping to maintain as many of the relationships that are important to him as he possibly can.
Sadly this type of crime is vilified but internet offences are very common and numbers escalating all the time - in to what many refer to as an endemic. This is by no means meant to be in support of the offence - I find it abhorrent. However I do know that the internet is a crazy dangerous place and people are finding themselves exposed to indecent material and conversations on dodgy apps and websites, which are of course full of legal porn too.
I wouldn't dream of telling you how to feel and as I said every feeling is valid. We often say on here that our people are good people who've done a bad thing - but where possible shouldn't spend the rest of their lives being defined by it.
At the end of the day this is your life and whether you choose to have those conversations, maintain that relationship, only you know. But he's still your Dad, always will be and I'm sure he does care for you very much.
Please do reach out to the helpline and keep posting here - you are surrounded by people who have empathy about the situation you have so sadly found yourself in. Take time for yourself and surround yourself with the people who love you. Take one day at a time and if you need to have answers then ask for them and I'm sure it will provide you with more context so you can then make your own informed judgement on how you move forward. Sending lots of love and good luck xxx
Please do take some comfort in the knowledge that it was a community sentence he received - which indicates very low numbers and low risk. A first, a one off, not a pattern of behaviour which is a much stronger indicator of a sexual preference towards minors.
Often men are finding themselves drawn in to a hole online, usually when they're experiencing emotional difficulties or stress which they don't have the tools like women to manage difficult periods in their life. If I put myself in your Dads shoes (and based on what I see from my other half) the overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt at these offences are at times unbearable. Keeping the situation low key protects your immediate loved ones - the less people who know the more likely he would be a able to lead a 'normal' life without fear, judgement and reprisal. I'm sure he's hoping to maintain as many of the relationships that are important to him as he possibly can.
Sadly this type of crime is vilified but internet offences are very common and numbers escalating all the time - in to what many refer to as an endemic. This is by no means meant to be in support of the offence - I find it abhorrent. However I do know that the internet is a crazy dangerous place and people are finding themselves exposed to indecent material and conversations on dodgy apps and websites, which are of course full of legal porn too.
I wouldn't dream of telling you how to feel and as I said every feeling is valid. We often say on here that our people are good people who've done a bad thing - but where possible shouldn't spend the rest of their lives being defined by it.
At the end of the day this is your life and whether you choose to have those conversations, maintain that relationship, only you know. But he's still your Dad, always will be and I'm sure he does care for you very much.
Please do reach out to the helpline and keep posting here - you are surrounded by people who have empathy about the situation you have so sadly found yourself in. Take time for yourself and surround yourself with the people who love you. Take one day at a time and if you need to have answers then ask for them and I'm sure it will provide you with more context so you can then make your own informed judgement on how you move forward. Sending lots of love and good luck xxx