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Telling my new partner about my brother

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lilypad2020

Member since
March 2022

12 posts

Posted Mon December 2, 2024 3:26pmReport post

Hello,



I've recently started a new relationship and I'm panicking so much about telling my new partner what my brother did and his prison stint.

for context, my brother came out of prison a year ago and my ex partner was with me through it all sadly we broke up and I'm now with someone new and they have really good relationship with my brother but I feel like I'm living a lie.

I believe a relationship is built on honestly but I haven't been honest with my partner who he really is.

I'm in such a panic whether I even need to tell them at all. And I'm panicking about the consequences of telling them.

Thanks in advance!

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2595 posts

Posted Tue December 3, 2024 2:15amReport post

If your new partner has a good relationship with your brother and sees the man he is now, would he be disturbed by his past?

I have kept a secret for years, from my family and it really is a very heavy burden to carry, laden with guilt. I haven't done it out of spite, but this 'lie' has kept us together.

I can see your brother might not want to unearth it all again as he moves forward too.

Not a lot to offer but can understand your fears.

Edited Tue December 3, 2024 2:23am

lilypad2020

Member since
March 2022

12 posts

Posted Tue December 3, 2024 10:13amReport post

Hey!

So I did tell my partner last night and it went well. My partner was very understanding and caring and their only concern is protecting me. We are only 6 months in though. So their relationship with my brother isn't very strong. They said that they are still going to have a relationship with my brother, albeit they'll think differently of him now.

Please remember that this isn't your guilt or shame to carry. Why should you have to keep such a heavy secret so that you don't rock the boat, so to speak. It makes me sad that thousands of us on here are carrying the shame and guilt of someone else's actions. The stigma really does affect everyone involved.