Should I complain?
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After the knock earlier this year I was given a social worker. From the start I didn't like her. Something just seemed off about her. Here is a list of things that were said and I found it strange and a tad horrible.
1. 3 weeks after the arrest, my OH had to go to court to move to court bail. The SW claimed this would a plea hearing. When I explained no it was to move to court bail she told me I was wrong. I was right
2. She told me they found the PayPal app on his phone and that's only used for paying for dodgy things. Her face dropped when I told her every major retailer uses PayPal
3. Told me she would have to speak to my daughter again after not liking her response to what she thought of the whole situation with her dad (during a home visit) so visited her at school and got the same answer. My son gave a short answer during home visit and it was accepted straight away.
4. Told me she believes he will get a long prison sentence even though she doesn't really know what happened.
5. The second time she ever met me she told me I shouldn't see my OH as it blurs the lines but the kids are fine to see him supervised. I didn't see him for 6 weeks.
6. Told me my OH couldn't stay at home. The court bail states our home address as where he should be staying. She said she didn't care it's her decision, not theirs.
7. Told me social media was where people went to do dodgy things.
8. Told me, within earshot of my children, that we would never be a family ever again and to prepare for life as a single mother.
thankfully we have a new SW who is nice enough. Do you think once this is all over I should complain about the first social worker?
1. 3 weeks after the arrest, my OH had to go to court to move to court bail. The SW claimed this would a plea hearing. When I explained no it was to move to court bail she told me I was wrong. I was right
2. She told me they found the PayPal app on his phone and that's only used for paying for dodgy things. Her face dropped when I told her every major retailer uses PayPal
3. Told me she would have to speak to my daughter again after not liking her response to what she thought of the whole situation with her dad (during a home visit) so visited her at school and got the same answer. My son gave a short answer during home visit and it was accepted straight away.
4. Told me she believes he will get a long prison sentence even though she doesn't really know what happened.
5. The second time she ever met me she told me I shouldn't see my OH as it blurs the lines but the kids are fine to see him supervised. I didn't see him for 6 weeks.
6. Told me my OH couldn't stay at home. The court bail states our home address as where he should be staying. She said she didn't care it's her decision, not theirs.
7. Told me social media was where people went to do dodgy things.
8. Told me, within earshot of my children, that we would never be a family ever again and to prepare for life as a single mother.
thankfully we have a new SW who is nice enough. Do you think once this is all over I should complain about the first social worker?
From someone who is currently trying to make an official complaint about social services I would say if you feel strongly about complaining, do it now - As I've learnt that the complaint procedure will only take on board stuff from within a year. Unfortunately Our complaint is about everything over a series of nearly 4 years and we aren't getting anywhere.
I completely empathise with you ladies. I know they're doing their job and the children must be protected but some of our experiences on here are awful. I feel like I can't complain because they have all the power to make your life more difficult. But I am keeping a written diary of everything, to complain once they're out of our lives because this situation is stressful enough without the extra pressure and unprofessional behaviour we've experienced. My list so far;
1. Never on time for appointments....not once
2. Forgets partners name, multiple times each and every visit/meeting and has recently just started referring as "dad" to save the effort of learning it.
3. Cancels pre-arranged appointments last minute
4. All home visits arranged expecting us to accommodate within 4 hours notice.
5. No contact details other than one mobile number for 6months
6. No paperwork, printed, emailed or posted to explain anything.
7. Supervisor told me to get legal advice because my child would be taken off me (for asking the rationale behind a sudden change that I'm not allowed to supervise out of the blue with no explanation).
8. Escalated to CPP (unsuccessfully) when we expressed our concerns over non-age appropriate things they insisted we tell our child now rather than later (bearing in mind they suffer with anxiety and the fact dad hadnt been charged with anything at that point; still hasn't).
9. No empathy or support at first meeting when dad had a full on panic attack and breakdown during a meeting-carried on without him whilst I tried to get him to do breathing techniques.
10. At no point has anyone asked about my safety or mental health or shown any concern for wellbeing despite telling them I was signed off work sick due to the stress and physically sat shaking at the first 3 or 4 meetings.
11. Checking it was ok for dad to attend own child's birthday party if supervised at first contact only for them to change their mind months down the line and have to wait for a second review 1 week before.
12. Being told we couldn't allow dad to watch an after school lesson in a public building supervised by 3 adults because they didn't think it was a good idea (after we'd already had it checked and authorised several times previously). Again no charges and only restriction at this point was no unsupervised access.
13. Danger statement is still incorrect
14. Forced us to reveal our scenario with additional family member (under threat of access removal) leading to dad losing his job
15. Removed access and wasnt allowed to say dad was away from work. Had to tell child they weren't allowed to see dad and exactly why before a long wait to get it reinstated. Those cries of anguish when my child was told they couldn't see their dad still haunt me. It was worse than telling them their grandparent or the family pet had died. Distraught doesn't even cover it. I will never forgive them for allowing access then taking it away only to allow again for uno reason given at all). It was cruel and unnecessary and certainly harmed my child.
16. Suggested another family member was told so they could supervise....despite the fact they were not actually in the same country (and we had already explained this multiple times).
17. When supervisor nastily said to me on the phone "you don't know your husband hasn't abused your child" (what a nice thing to say to someone literally a month into this hellish journey, who had already broken down crying on the same call).
18. recommended the use of a messaging app to communicate with them and the family support and share photos (the irony.......).
19. When I said I didn't understand the difference between a CPP and CIN & asked if they can they explain it or give me some info/leaflets I was told "you can google it".
20. Said I needed to be assessed as a protective parent; but dismissed all the courses I'd researched because they wouldn't fund any that are paid and are out of my budget.
21. Took my child upstairs to their room and shut the door to have a private conversation.....(isn't the point NOT to allow strangers in their safe space where nobody can hear or see if the child is uncomfortable)
And we are still at the beginning of our journey.
1. Never on time for appointments....not once
2. Forgets partners name, multiple times each and every visit/meeting and has recently just started referring as "dad" to save the effort of learning it.
3. Cancels pre-arranged appointments last minute
4. All home visits arranged expecting us to accommodate within 4 hours notice.
5. No contact details other than one mobile number for 6months
6. No paperwork, printed, emailed or posted to explain anything.
7. Supervisor told me to get legal advice because my child would be taken off me (for asking the rationale behind a sudden change that I'm not allowed to supervise out of the blue with no explanation).
8. Escalated to CPP (unsuccessfully) when we expressed our concerns over non-age appropriate things they insisted we tell our child now rather than later (bearing in mind they suffer with anxiety and the fact dad hadnt been charged with anything at that point; still hasn't).
9. No empathy or support at first meeting when dad had a full on panic attack and breakdown during a meeting-carried on without him whilst I tried to get him to do breathing techniques.
10. At no point has anyone asked about my safety or mental health or shown any concern for wellbeing despite telling them I was signed off work sick due to the stress and physically sat shaking at the first 3 or 4 meetings.
11. Checking it was ok for dad to attend own child's birthday party if supervised at first contact only for them to change their mind months down the line and have to wait for a second review 1 week before.
12. Being told we couldn't allow dad to watch an after school lesson in a public building supervised by 3 adults because they didn't think it was a good idea (after we'd already had it checked and authorised several times previously). Again no charges and only restriction at this point was no unsupervised access.
13. Danger statement is still incorrect
14. Forced us to reveal our scenario with additional family member (under threat of access removal) leading to dad losing his job
15. Removed access and wasnt allowed to say dad was away from work. Had to tell child they weren't allowed to see dad and exactly why before a long wait to get it reinstated. Those cries of anguish when my child was told they couldn't see their dad still haunt me. It was worse than telling them their grandparent or the family pet had died. Distraught doesn't even cover it. I will never forgive them for allowing access then taking it away only to allow again for uno reason given at all). It was cruel and unnecessary and certainly harmed my child.
16. Suggested another family member was told so they could supervise....despite the fact they were not actually in the same country (and we had already explained this multiple times).
17. When supervisor nastily said to me on the phone "you don't know your husband hasn't abused your child" (what a nice thing to say to someone literally a month into this hellish journey, who had already broken down crying on the same call).
18. recommended the use of a messaging app to communicate with them and the family support and share photos (the irony.......).
19. When I said I didn't understand the difference between a CPP and CIN & asked if they can they explain it or give me some info/leaflets I was told "you can google it".
20. Said I needed to be assessed as a protective parent; but dismissed all the courses I'd researched because they wouldn't fund any that are paid and are out of my budget.
21. Took my child upstairs to their room and shut the door to have a private conversation.....(isn't the point NOT to allow strangers in their safe space where nobody can hear or see if the child is uncomfortable)
And we are still at the beginning of our journey.
It will never fail to amaze me how many of us struggle with social services.
My social worker is so opinionated it's disgusting, every time she sees me she tells me how my partner will never rehabilitate he will always be a monster, even when I've gone to her with facts about rehabilitation I am told "there's always an exception to the rule" she told me she couldn't believe I would stay with a man who has done that and genuinely just looked at me like I was a bit of dirt. The thing is when I see her with my mum present she's completely different, couldn't be nicer or more understanding of my situation. The second I'm on my own it's just judgment after judgment. I have followed every rule that's been put in place, my partners not seeing my children as they requested, I have signed up for courses, spoken to different charities and doing everything I can, i have also agreed fkr a protective parentkng assessment as well as my partner who is equally doing these things his end, yet her most recent report stated "although she has said the children come first I'm not sure if she will follow my recommendations" even though I've done nothing to prove to her otherwise. We have a CPC coming up and I am terrified but I'm hopeful to be able to finally he heard. She has also only spoken to my partner once the day she told him he had to leave home (after social services agreed he could move back home) and is refusing to have any other contact with him saying that's not her job. Our previous social worker phoned him on multiple occasions to discuss things and check up on him. This one just doesn't seem to care if I'm going to be honest. She literally said to me "if you leave him we can just close the case and leave you alone, would that not be best for the children"
I spoke to Talking Forward this morning and mentioned a few things to the lady on the phone about her and she strongly advised I ask for a new social worker but I don't have her managers details and I'm not sure how I go about getting them. I don't want to upset the apple cart anymore, especially with the CPC coming up
My social worker is so opinionated it's disgusting, every time she sees me she tells me how my partner will never rehabilitate he will always be a monster, even when I've gone to her with facts about rehabilitation I am told "there's always an exception to the rule" she told me she couldn't believe I would stay with a man who has done that and genuinely just looked at me like I was a bit of dirt. The thing is when I see her with my mum present she's completely different, couldn't be nicer or more understanding of my situation. The second I'm on my own it's just judgment after judgment. I have followed every rule that's been put in place, my partners not seeing my children as they requested, I have signed up for courses, spoken to different charities and doing everything I can, i have also agreed fkr a protective parentkng assessment as well as my partner who is equally doing these things his end, yet her most recent report stated "although she has said the children come first I'm not sure if she will follow my recommendations" even though I've done nothing to prove to her otherwise. We have a CPC coming up and I am terrified but I'm hopeful to be able to finally he heard. She has also only spoken to my partner once the day she told him he had to leave home (after social services agreed he could move back home) and is refusing to have any other contact with him saying that's not her job. Our previous social worker phoned him on multiple occasions to discuss things and check up on him. This one just doesn't seem to care if I'm going to be honest. She literally said to me "if you leave him we can just close the case and leave you alone, would that not be best for the children"
I spoke to Talking Forward this morning and mentioned a few things to the lady on the phone about her and she strongly advised I ask for a new social worker but I don't have her managers details and I'm not sure how I go about getting them. I don't want to upset the apple cart anymore, especially with the CPC coming up
Wish I had reported my first social worker earlier.
In all CPC meetings when we said my partner would move out said we weren't there yet.
Asked me how I would feel if my daughter (unborn at this point) came to me when she was 5 and told me her daddy had sexually abused her.
Told me they couldn't tell me to leave but also couldn't say if I left they would still let me keep her.
Came round when I was on my own and told me they were going to take her when she was born.
Refused to let me do certain courses or take into account any work either of us had done.
I wish I had reported her for everything she did earlier. When I did her manager initially refused too change social worker she only did after I said I wouldn't let the social worker in unless I had someone with me.
They can be so harsh.
Our journey was such a long one. But we have finally made it out of the over side thanks to a positive forensic psychologist assessment
But I do sometimes wonder if I had reported her sooner would I have been able to keep our daughter from birth and not have to fight 18 months for her.
In all CPC meetings when we said my partner would move out said we weren't there yet.
Asked me how I would feel if my daughter (unborn at this point) came to me when she was 5 and told me her daddy had sexually abused her.
Told me they couldn't tell me to leave but also couldn't say if I left they would still let me keep her.
Came round when I was on my own and told me they were going to take her when she was born.
Refused to let me do certain courses or take into account any work either of us had done.
I wish I had reported her for everything she did earlier. When I did her manager initially refused too change social worker she only did after I said I wouldn't let the social worker in unless I had someone with me.
They can be so harsh.
Our journey was such a long one. But we have finally made it out of the over side thanks to a positive forensic psychologist assessment
But I do sometimes wonder if I had reported her sooner would I have been able to keep our daughter from birth and not have to fight 18 months for her.
I'd definently complain and it's horrific some of the stories I've read on here about other people's experiences. I'm looking at complaining too, as well as looking as getting a solicitor involved because I'm just so tired of it all.
With my journey I've had several SWs some ok others down right nasty, I've had:
1) Outright lying on reports
2) Witheld tons of information from me until the very last second knowingly leaving me with no support
3) Talked down to me like a child
4) Cancelled appointments sometimes literally at the last second (Still waiting on assessments)
5) Tried gaslighting me I.e. saying that I didn't remember something correctly, or denied doing something until I provided physical evidence
6) Constantly pressured me into leaving my OH
7) Manipulating wording like "What if it was more (my child's gender) pictures he was looking at"
The list goes on, after reading some of your replies it doesn't sound like anything compaired to what others have gone through. This hell is hard enough to go through so the last thing we need is people like this making it worse for us. Luckily my latest SW is ok but now that we're at another limbo I'm not getting any more confident in them.
With my journey I've had several SWs some ok others down right nasty, I've had:
1) Outright lying on reports
2) Witheld tons of information from me until the very last second knowingly leaving me with no support
3) Talked down to me like a child
4) Cancelled appointments sometimes literally at the last second (Still waiting on assessments)
5) Tried gaslighting me I.e. saying that I didn't remember something correctly, or denied doing something until I provided physical evidence
6) Constantly pressured me into leaving my OH
7) Manipulating wording like "What if it was more (my child's gender) pictures he was looking at"
The list goes on, after reading some of your replies it doesn't sound like anything compaired to what others have gone through. This hell is hard enough to go through so the last thing we need is people like this making it worse for us. Luckily my latest SW is ok but now that we're at another limbo I'm not getting any more confident in them.
Hello
I am also in the process of putting in a complaint about our sw.
Case was closed in January this year and now has been reopened as he's due to be sentanced in January. Our old sw who closed the case was amazing but no longer works for them so we've been given a new one and shes horrendous and torn out family apart through lies and manipulation. Even commenting on how stop it now and lucy faithful and not Worthing contacting as they minimise things etc. She's even pressurising me into leaving my OH but says she's not directly Said it to me so I'm just reading it that way. She knows our end goal is for my OH To move back home but I expressed he's always going to be some sort of risk but it can be managed and she told me everyone on the SOR are a high risk and should never be trusted. (Don't give me much hope for the future)
She's only been in our lives for 4 days. Already met my children who she told me she thought were so happy, confident and brilliant and they are a credit to me before then doubting everything I've told her about what I've done including PANTS and inform etc and she told me she won't consider it if it hasn't been recommended by her.
She's got me so paranoid that I'm questioning my parenting despite no concerns. She rings and arranges a visit in just a hour or 2 notice. I only have her office number as her "phones died". I dread her coming even though I've got nothing to hide. She's even questions our safety plan that was written by previous sw. I know she's going to make this journey hell.
4 days worth of panic attacks and sobbing and enough is enough. I don't feel comfortable in my own house or even my own phone ringing. Don't get me wrong I do have anxiety but that isn't fair for her to use as a reason for her behaviour (such as well your reading it wrong etc). So I'm putting in a complaint and requesting I am not contacted until this issue is resolved. She's seen my children and can see they are safe etc with me. She's told me she won't be doing much of the assessment until after he's sentenced so there is no reason to contact me all the time. I do not find her approachable at all and I feel uncomfortable when she is in my house. She is there for the children and I understand that but I deserve to be able to live in my home without being uncomfortable. I'm actually even scared to put in a complaint but I won't be treated like this when I've done nothing wrong.
My OH is staying at his parents who also supervise and she's been horrendous with them too so they are also putting in a complaint and they've said if it's not resolved then they will instruct a solicitor.
I've read it's easier to complain early on so issues can get resolved sooner. I only want to work WITH the social workers to achieve the final outcome and am willing and happy to do whatever we need to and my priority has and always will be my children but I refuse to feel pressured and patronised especially when she has no concerns on my children. We have rights as parents and we have a right to speak up when we feel those rights aren't been allowed. I've been told some areas you have to put in your complaint directly to the social worker first but where I am it states we don't have too andcl can go straight to the complaints officer. Also also check if your local children's services have a option for a advocate (ours does) to help file the complaint xx
I am also in the process of putting in a complaint about our sw.
Case was closed in January this year and now has been reopened as he's due to be sentanced in January. Our old sw who closed the case was amazing but no longer works for them so we've been given a new one and shes horrendous and torn out family apart through lies and manipulation. Even commenting on how stop it now and lucy faithful and not Worthing contacting as they minimise things etc. She's even pressurising me into leaving my OH but says she's not directly Said it to me so I'm just reading it that way. She knows our end goal is for my OH To move back home but I expressed he's always going to be some sort of risk but it can be managed and she told me everyone on the SOR are a high risk and should never be trusted. (Don't give me much hope for the future)
She's only been in our lives for 4 days. Already met my children who she told me she thought were so happy, confident and brilliant and they are a credit to me before then doubting everything I've told her about what I've done including PANTS and inform etc and she told me she won't consider it if it hasn't been recommended by her.
She's got me so paranoid that I'm questioning my parenting despite no concerns. She rings and arranges a visit in just a hour or 2 notice. I only have her office number as her "phones died". I dread her coming even though I've got nothing to hide. She's even questions our safety plan that was written by previous sw. I know she's going to make this journey hell.
4 days worth of panic attacks and sobbing and enough is enough. I don't feel comfortable in my own house or even my own phone ringing. Don't get me wrong I do have anxiety but that isn't fair for her to use as a reason for her behaviour (such as well your reading it wrong etc). So I'm putting in a complaint and requesting I am not contacted until this issue is resolved. She's seen my children and can see they are safe etc with me. She's told me she won't be doing much of the assessment until after he's sentenced so there is no reason to contact me all the time. I do not find her approachable at all and I feel uncomfortable when she is in my house. She is there for the children and I understand that but I deserve to be able to live in my home without being uncomfortable. I'm actually even scared to put in a complaint but I won't be treated like this when I've done nothing wrong.
My OH is staying at his parents who also supervise and she's been horrendous with them too so they are also putting in a complaint and they've said if it's not resolved then they will instruct a solicitor.
I've read it's easier to complain early on so issues can get resolved sooner. I only want to work WITH the social workers to achieve the final outcome and am willing and happy to do whatever we need to and my priority has and always will be my children but I refuse to feel pressured and patronised especially when she has no concerns on my children. We have rights as parents and we have a right to speak up when we feel those rights aren't been allowed. I've been told some areas you have to put in your complaint directly to the social worker first but where I am it states we don't have too andcl can go straight to the complaints officer. Also also check if your local children's services have a option for a advocate (ours does) to help file the complaint xx